


My Vile Voice

by Azlinne, Cj_Quinn72



Series: Failure to Comunicate [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Cuddles, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jokes, M/M, Mark tries to hate Jack, Multiple Orgasms, Panic Attacks, Sad Mark, Stangers to Friends, collage AU, communication troubles, fears of public speaking, mention of past self harm, once again, safe sex, selective Mute Mark, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:56:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 47,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8450782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azlinne/pseuds/Azlinne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cj_Quinn72/pseuds/Cj_Quinn72
Summary: Mark has just started college it's a new place and a chance for a new beginning. Only it isn't enough to smooth over his past and stop himself from getting drowned out in a sea of everyone else's voice, but maybe his new loud and expressive roommate can help him find land and save him from himself.





	1. How Did It Come To This?

When Mark was younger he had a problem with how he talked, he and his family did everything they could think of to try and help him but he often found himself shying away from being vocal in school. Things were hard for him, he was not even ten and Mark already found himself getting anxious and going into a panic at the smallest chance that he might have to say anything, what was worse was for every one person that was nice and understanding about his insecurities there were seven other waiting there to laugh and mock him for his speech troubles. Teachers would call about Mark refusing to read a sentence on the board in school, thinking it was that the small black haired boy couldn't read and demanded his parents do more for him at home.

As he got older his speech began improving with the help of specialists his family had taken him to, but he found he wasn't really practicing outside of his home. Time had not improved school for him at all, every once and awhile he would mumble answers to a teacher but never to kids in his class. It was a trait that went unnoticed for a long time, his family were always so busy trying to work to pay for Mark's speech therapy bills, and teaching him all the things his teachers insisted Mark was failing at they never really had the chance to notice their child's lack of friends.

By fourteen his pronunciations and speech abilities had improved enough that Mark no longer needed a specialist, he had finally started gaining some confidence and even managed to make a few friends finally. He had met them through a group project in his class, they were nice and seemed understanding enough about Marks 'repulsion' to reading to have offered right away for the black haired boy to work on research while one of the others 'Wade' would do most of the actual verbal presentation. That alone put the small group in good graces with Mark and he found himself actually wanted to talk to the others. It didn't start all at once but it really did seem like Mark was finally coming out of his shell and trying to be more vocal.

It wasn't meant to last though as a little before Marks sixteenth Birthday, the American was met with a horrific discovery that his voice was changing. It was terrible like nails on chalkboards and drowning puppies all at once, Mark couldn't breathe the first time he heard his voice break. He had been in the middle of asking something to a teacher when it happened and another student thought it was necessary to point it out to the whole class and laugh. His lips trembled chest jerking slightly as it tried to force in a breath that just was not coming, the monstrous sound of his own voice echoed in his head along with the laughter and the room started to spin, then in an instant he was falling and everything went black.

There were certain things your school social status did not bounce back from, fainting in the middle of class while everyone laughed at your voice cracking had been one of them, and though he now had three very close friends that stuck by him word got around quickly at what had happened, and though he was never very popular, to begin with, it now seemed like he was bullies main target. Ridicule and teasing went far enough that Mark found himself starting to clamp up again refusing to speak outside of the comfort of friends and family, but there was not much that could be done about it all. Mark kept quiet to his family at what was going down at school and his friends could only fend off people snide remarks so much before the hurt set in. Words were not the final nail in the coffin that was to house Marks voice though, fists and pain were to bring about its end as Mark found himself leaving school late and alone one day.

He did not make it very far off school grounds before someone grabbed the back of his head and forced him into one of the most cliche looking allies in town. Mark didn't even have time to react as he was quickly kicked, other people soon surrounding him, hitting him repeatedly as Mark could do nothing but beg them to stop his voice shaking and cracking from a terrible mix of pain and puberty. It was nothing more than completely terrifying as the group's energy slowly burned out and Mark was left on the dirty concrete barely holding onto consciousness and the bullies above him took their time laughing and gloating about what they had done. This marked the second time Mark blacked out in front of his classmates and the last time anyone had ever heard Mark's voice. _'Stop! STOP, IT HURTS!'_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

College was supposed to be a fun time and Mark was expecting nothing less than that, he had worked extremely hard to go off to a school that was far away from his hometown and had even been lucky enough to have his friends agree to follow him there. Teachers had all been informed that the small town American was a mute and should not be called upon for any verbal presentations, he had been running around all day making sure they recognised him be for when classes started and so Mark could keep track of which of his teachers knew sign language and which he would need to write out answers for. It was a hassle to keep track of, but there were few options opened to him, he was not about to make all his teachers learn sign just for him, getting an aid was too expensive and speaking at all was completely out of the question. That's not to say Mark hadn't been completely silent for the past few years, Marks friends had on more than one instance managed to bring him around to laughing loudly at their commotions, and Mark was often one to scream at jump scares in horror movies and games, but that wasn't something communication was based on, it wasn't going to make Mark change his mind and it wasn't going to make others understand him better. He now though stood in front of his dorm room door, on the other side would be his roommate for the year. Mark took in a shaky breath in one of his hands was a small whiteboard he had already written out how he would great the other now it was just a matter of making the move and go inside.


	2. Why Can't I Hate You?

Green hair was the first thing he saw when he entered the room, it was bright and jarring and honestly made Mark panic a little. He knew better than to judge on looks and he was sure his roommate would be nice enough, but with being paired with someone who looked like he could drown them out with just their looks alone made the American worry. Mark's mouth gaped open as his roommate turned around noticing the other's presence, his eyes we a striking blue. He felt a lump grow in his throat how could he compete with that, people wouldn't see what he's trying to say at all with someone like this in the room with him.

"You must be Mark! Hi, I'm Jack good to finally meet you!"

Hearing his actual voice and seeing that grin only served to make the American panic more, his voice was loud and accented it pulled you in in just the right way and Mark was going to be damned if he spent any time with this person outside of this room! He forced his body to move erasing the kind message he would have written out prior and in scribbled in rather messily. 

_I'm mute, if I need to say something expect a paper ball._

He knew it was blunt, rude and watching Jacks face fall to one of confusion made guilt bubble up for a second before the Irishman spoke again smile once more appearing on his face as he did.

"That's alright! It will be like a little indoor snowball fight."

Mark's mouth betrayed him as he gave a small smile, okay so maybe he couldn't hate Jack but he could hopefully be able to avoid him out in public. The American nodding, moving to write once more.

_Ya, that sounds fun._

Jack brightened up drastically at that seeming to relieved over Mark's now smoother handwriting and calmer expression, he quickly fell into a steady chatter about how excited he was to be in America for school and how he was taking both courses for music editing and hotel management, as odd as that sound. Mark had nodded along asking questions here and there as the green haired male continued, happily complying to anything the other wrote. So the hours drew past and it was time for the two of them to turn out the lights and say goodnight, tomorrow was a new day and Mark planned to be out of the room and gone before Jack even had a chance to open his eyes.


	3. What Happened That Made MY Bed The Answer?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take whatever you're thinking and THROW IT out the window!

Mark wished he could say he had a nice sleep, but he set his alarm way too early. Five AM was an ungodly time by anyone's standards, and the American couldn't quite remember what the hell he was thinking when he had fallen asleep with his phone under his pillow ready to yell at him the second the alarm finished its countdown. In a grumpy haze he groped around for his glasses before getting adjusted to the dark lighting of the dorm room, Jack was still sound asleep about two study desks away from him and suddenly he remembered why he put himself through this. Mark was planning on being the sole member of the 'No Jack's Aloud' club and he'd be damned if he let that firecracker take his spotlight! Well... Mark had no spotlight it was all just talk, hell the black haired male actually rather liked the conversation they had had last night. Mark just wasn't ready to actually bring someone new into his life, especially someone who seemed so perfect in all the ways Mark was not.

The rest of the morning didn't go that nicely either, Mark had rushed his nice wake-up shower and ended up with soap in his eyes because he was constantly worrying the water was too loud and that Jack was just on the other side of the door waiting for the perfect moment to walk in and try and get him to screech out in embarrassment! Then he had run out of their dorm with only one sock on, all because the Irishman had to show off his wonderful voice to the already grumpy male. Mark didn't care that Jack was only sleep talking all it proved was that it didn't matter what state Jack was in he still sounded better than anything Mark could EVER hope to produce! Going back was also not an option as with the luck Mark had been having Jack would be awake, he could see it now Mark would peek in the room then BAM he'd be hit with something dumb and peppy...

_Top of the morning to you, laddie_

Mark grimmised at the thought, he had seen it in a TV show and honestly he could totally see Jack doing something like that, so no going back for his sock was definitely not an option. That though only left Mark with few other choices, he could go try and find a coffee shop that was opened at five forty-five AM so he could end his suffering or, he could go to Bob and Tylers door and knock on the door till they let him in gave him a sock and let him crash in their room till a decent time!

It was safe to say Mark didn't need to think about his options long, and as a groggy Tyler answered the door the shorter male waisted no time at all bypassing him taking off his shoes and one sock and B-lining it straight to the other still warm empty bed and passing right back out. Leaving poor Tyler in a dazed confusion as he slowly closed the door and tried to make room for himself next to his slightly unwelcomed friend.


	4. When Did The First Day Come And Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should reconfirm that what I am writing is in the view point of someone who does not think highly of themselves and has anxieties. Not everything I write should be taken as pure fact as some view points could be warped by Marks views and assumptions.

Mark woke up to a flash, scrunching up his face before peeking a blurry eye open. It took a little bit of guesswork but from what he could work out Bob was standing in front of his bed using his phone as a camera while there was a warm weight was tangled with his legs. It was a lot easier to make out Tyler's sleeping form, his body half sprawled out on him. Mark huffed and moved to sit up and making grabby hands at his glasses. Bob scoffed at that, though moved to give the shorter male his glasses before setting his phone down and started a to sign something to Mark, probably just for the courtesy of letting Tyler sleep. 

_'It's barely been 24 hours and you're already breaking into your friend's new home? What happened? Are you alright?'_

Mark gave a somewhat guilty smile and nodded, it was times like this he was happy his friends had been so understanding with him. There were lots of times he felt he didn't deserve it but thankfully this wasn't one of them as he quickly went into an almost too fast tangent of what he had been through that morning. Bob was soon laughing as Mark pointed out the one sock on the ground quite adamant that it was the thing that was making the day hell. Tyler was soon groaning taking his pillow and burying his head.

"It's too early for laughing and movement, stop." he grumbled feigning anger before making himself sit up as well. "Well, what did I miss, you two are laughing at something."

Bob relayed back to Tyler the story Mark had been telling him about his roommate and the early morning fiasco as the black haired male nodded along quickly pleased to know that he had been understood so well. A familiar grin though soon crossed Tylers face before looking at Mark.

"So you thought you'd come over here to feel better! Well, Mark if I had known you wanted to cuddle, I would have showered first," He joked as he winked at Mark "Next time, I'm the big spoon though."

The silent male quickly sputtered into laughter at that before playfully knocking him in the shoulder. He enjoyed times like these, it reminded him that he didn't need to overthink and analyze every situation he got himself into. 

_'Oh be quiet, I only cuddled with you because your bed was closer. Bob is clearly the superior cuddle partner here!'_

Mark signed back in response though a grin stayed steadily planted on his face.

They decided a small bit later to call up Wade and meet up at the coffee shop before classes started, both Bob and Tyler had classes starting at 9:30. Their hang out time would not be for long seeing as it was already just before 9, but it was better than nothing and honestly, the coffee was really needed. Time though flew by quickly as soon it was just Mark and Wade, then just Mark finding his way to his first class for 11 o'clock.

Mark wished he could say the first day went well, but he had forgotten his whiteboard and halfway through his school day he had managed to heartlessly murder 17 sheets of paper trying to answer questions for a professor. It was unnerving to say the least, thinking that at any second some environmentally concerned person could call him out and he'd have no way to defend himself expect to pull out another sheet of paper and hope he got his words down in time before a mob was on him. Sometimes he wished everyone would just know sign language but then why should they have to go through all those classes and struggles just so grotesque sounding people like Mark could continue living in their happy little world, It wouldn't be fair...

Going back to his dorm at the end of the day was a lot more welcoming, Jack didn't question Mark's early departure for a second probably thinking the black haired male just had early classes, as they ended up getting into a conversation of how they found their first day. Well, Jack talked on and on about his day while Mark just wrote a vague little _'first day's at a school are always hell.'_ They soon though fell back into the same pattern as yesterday as Mark found out all these tidbits of information the open book Irishman was giving him and Mark just wrote down questions when he thought of things to add in or ask.

Jacks classes started at 10, he hated morning if the coffee was not made, he has his hotel management courses first so he can get through it all by looking forward to the course he took just because of his love for music. It was a nice system the American had to admit it was clear that Jack knew how to keep himself happy and productive. Mark admired that it seemed like Jack really was just perfect, Mark could only hope he didn't taint that perfection when he started to crash down and fail his courses and life again...


	5. Should I Be Doing This, Feeling This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the second day of classes, I don't know what else to say.

Mark wanted to change his five AM wake up call to something a little more reasonable but when it came down to it he couldn't get himself to push the button and change it. It didn't matter that everything was laid out nicely in front of him or that he knew the time Jack said he woke up. What if he changed his mind and set his clock earlier to see Mark off? Mark wasn't ready to handle something like that, he did appreciate how kind the Irishman was being but he was not taking the jump to public friends yet. So Mark continued on the path he had set himself on, ungodly earlier morning, a nicer actually relaxing shower then what he had had yesterday and all his things nicely gathered up for the day as he managed to leave the dorm just after six.

Mark had thought about going back to Tyler and Bob's dorm like he had done the morning before but an idea crossed his head as he passed by the closed coffee shop. Jack liked coffee, Mark liked coffee there was a 24-hour Walmart not too far from here; a coffee machine would be a wonderful addition to their room. The black haired male smiled to himself at that before making his way to the small parking space his old beat up car was located at and heading to the Walmart. Six AM morning shoppers were apparently calmer then Mark would have guessed as he seemed to have run into at least seven people just on his way to the coffee machines alone, some seemed to be slugging by in PJs probably college students like Mark himself but there was also an alarming amount of fully functioning adults wandering around. It was both amazing to see and alarming to think this could be considered normal and as Mark settled into the self-checkout he told himself this would be a good time to go shopping for food as apparently he wouldn't look as grossly out of place as he thought he would.

Soon he was quietly slipping back into his dorm room pleased to see that Jack was still out like a light, Mark guessed he could probably add 'heavy sleeper' to the growing list of information he was learning about Jack as he worked on setting up an automatic timer for the coffee pot to go off. It took a bit of guesswork but in the end the American set the time for nine AM exactly, he had no idea the kind of time Jack took to get ready, he always looked like he was fairly well put together, but was that a natural 'I rolled out of bed and left' godlike ability or an 'I needed heavy duty power tools' normal human thing? Mark had to admit he was probably putting too much thought into it as he left once again this time on his way to his friend's room, he hated that so much of his thought process was being dedicated to a stranger he just met, it didn't seem fair or right to him in the slightest. 

As he knocked on Bob and Tyler's door he had half the mind ready and waiting to rant about it all to them, but as the door opened he found he couldn't will his hands to move as he instead just slunk into the room. He was already probably being enough of a hassle with showing up at his friend's dorm once more he shouldn't add to it first thing in the morning. One of these days they would hang out after classes and Mark would confess his lingering thoughts he is having on his roommate till then he would just enjoy the others company as the slowly got ready for the day. 

Mark was happy to say he felt a lot more comfortable with his morning class that day, whiteboard in hand as he focused on his tasks. He did though have a small bit of a problem when the afternoon class rolled around and he found himself next to a rather chatty individual who seemed to want to know all about what was going on in his head, it was an anxious time, to say the least as his stomach flipped and he took to biting at his bottom lip or index finger as he fidgeted about. He probably looked weird, everyone was probably watching him out of the corners of their eyes as Mark slumped down in his seat wanting to leave the room that instant. That would mean drawing more attention to himself and as the other student turned his attention to the professor Mark just wanted to scream, he was probably just shifting his focus so he wouldn't end up laughing in class, they probably thought Mark was just some joke and needed to distract themselves from the fact. They wouldn't be wrong.

He was a Joke.

Mark trudged back to his dorm a little after eight o'clock, ready to just end the day and go to sleep he didn't want to even look at homework or interact with Jack today, he just wanted his bed and blanket. He entered the room to the bright smiling face of Jack, but it didn't last the green haired Irishman took one look at Marks composer and was instantly asking if he was okay and needed anything. Mark could do nothing but shake his head as he moved to his bed collapsing onto it and closing his eyes. Jack didn't seem to take a head shake as an answer though and was soon gently covering Mark up with a blanket and telling him to move for a second so he could take the American's glasses. Mark didn't have the energy to protest as he did what was asked of him and let Jack rub his back as he quickly drifted off with a quiet thought in his head.

_Why is it you make me feel better?_


	6. Where Did I Go Wrong, And Made You Hate Me?

Mark still felt tired when he woke up the next morning, his dazed and blurry vision glancing over to see Jack asleep in his own bed, he didn't know why he had ever expected to see something different. The black haired male slowly pushed himself out of bed so he could make his way to the shower. At this point Mark was sure it was just a coping mechanism more than an actual need to get clean, when he was younger he use to do it more than once a day. Every morning he would get up shower spend all the time he could attempting to make himself look really good for school, his mother use to tell him 'if you look good, you feel good' and it was something Mark had desperately wanted to believe. It never did work out though, despite Mark being really proud of himself when he left the house the second he was somewhere too public he would freeze up and shut down. he'd return home and retreat to the shower again feeling tired and ashamed, just wanting to wash away all the interactions of the day and forget his failures at actually being himself. The only reason he even minimized how often he did that was because he had started feeling embarrassed over it when he was hanging out with his friends and noticed they sometimes went days without even thinking of anything past a hand wash.

He let the warmth wash over him as he mentally prepared himself for the day, giving himself little check lists of things he wanted to do today: smile at at least five strangers, give three answers to questions in class, tell Jack one thing about himself. Mark thought it was a good checklist but it was the exact same list he had told himself yesterday, actually smiling at five strangers had been on his list for a few months now he just wasn't social enough to interact with five different unfamiliar people, especially when they realized they actually had to read to communicate anything..

Soon the american was out of the water, getting ready for the day and setting up the coffee pot again to go off with fresh coffee right before Jack woke up...he hoped... After leaving his dorm his destination was going to be Bob and Tyler's to see if they maybe wanted to hang out over the weekend before the year got too stressful and Mark lost them to things like new friends and clubs. He knocked on the door then fiddled with his white board while he waited for someone to answer. His eyes silently scanned over the last words written on the object in his hand before freezing. The writing was not his own and even if they were they were most certainly not something he had anyone to write it to, and as the door opened Mark didn't know what he was supposed to do with it at all. He opted for the easiest choice of shoving the board into Tyler's arms and flopping himself onto Bob dramatically who had been trying to fall back asleep, if his mind was going to be obsessing over the level of sarcasm in those words he needed some voices of reason! 

Bob gave a protesting groan as he tried to move to shoo his friend away from him before Tyler spoke up reading the board in a questioning tone.

" _I fucking LOVE you,_ really Mark? Is that your version of confessing your undying love for me? Because I could have sworn you were the type of person who would just jump me if that were the case."

Bob snorted at that, Tyler's voice seeming to tell him there was a level of sass needed for this conversation.

"No, No he would be the one who skips telling you his feelings at all and just tries to scare away any potential suitors you might get. Right Mark? 'senpai is only for you'."

Mark had to give a laugh at that his throat rasping as the sound generated from deep inside him. He knew it had been the right thing to do to show them right way before he had a chance to worry himself into a sickness. He slowly made himself slide off Bob before plopping his toosh onto the ground, hands moving to communicate the concern over the message.

_'I think my roommate wrote it, but I don't know what I did to make him mad.'_

A small frown crossed Marks face again, just because the other's had put him a little at ease didn't mean there still wasn't a problem that needed to be addressed. Bob sat up in his bed, now that Mark wasn't laying on top of him any longer. Tyler having told him what Mark signed. 

"Why would you think he's mad at you Mark? Doesn't it say he loves you?" Bob asked, sounding slightly confused.

_'I've known him for like four hours, so it's not like what he wrote is true, that much I know for sure for sure. So that means it's sarcasm, which means he's mad at me and I don't know why.'_

Marks movements seemed to get jerky as a sense of frustration set in.

_'I even made him coffee that morning, and this morning. was it cold? Does he hate me now cause he thinks I'm making fun of him for liking coffee? I LOVE COFFEE!!'_

The last part he signed was more of an interpretation based off of the smaller males facial expressions, it was clear the gears were turning in his head, thinking Jack must have jumped to conclusions as he exasperatingly did the same. The two were quick to jump into action aiming to calm Mark down as Tyler and Bob moved to the floor to sit on either side of the distressed male.

"Woah, Woah, Woah, back up and breath for a second. You brought him coffee?" 

Tylers was confused, there was no coffee shops opened this early in the morning and even if there was Mark generally avoided ordering anything himself if he could help it let alone a stranger.

"Where'd you get the coffee from?"

Bob was quick to fill in where his other friend had stopped. Mark took a breath willing himself to calm down before answering,

_'I bought us an coffee machine so I wouldn't have to walk around like a zombie all morning.'_

The two friends didn't look convinced at all as Mark's cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment for being caught so easily buying gifts for a stranger, but the two chose not to dig deeper not wanted to perturb the other from getting out there.

"Well there's your answer Mark. He isn't mad at you, he was thanking you, you goofball."

The conversation calmed down as Mark relaxed into the idea that he had not somehow messed things up with his year long roommate as they soon started to get ready for the day and headed out to their classes. The black haired American's day went by quickly and soon he found himself returning home welcomed by the only luxury their dorm had to offer, the smell of coffee. Jack greeted him happily before turning back to the comfortable silence that was around them as he worked on a paper. 

It didn't look like tonight was going to be the night Mark would check 'tell Jack about himself' off his list.


	7. May I Take Your Order?

The weeks slowly seemed to creep by and though Mark thought he was starting to feel like Jack might be someone he considered a friend he had still yet to accomplish the simple tast of telling the Irishman anything about himself. What was worse was his friends were now increasingly curious about anything Mark had to say about the other. He had yet to give away any information though, no name no description, it was just 'my roommate' it left everything to the imagination and left everyone wondering if maybe they had met this mysterious person already and just didn't know it. 

Wade had tried to coax it out of the shorter male a few time but it always ended the same way. Mark would start looking stressed, fidgeting about and chewing at his lip and instantly everyone would just give in and back off. It had become so second nature to them all, they hadn't even notice that something they had once did to protect Mark from caving in on himself was now the reason they had so much trouble improving things with him. 

It had been a matter of children helping children when everything went down and Mark stopped talking. Bob, Wade and, Tyler didn't know how to handle what was going on in their friends head and instead of seeking help for the things they did know were going on, they instead took it upon themselves to help in any way they could. Only for teenage boys that meant cutting out big things in a persons life rather than helping Mark adjust and get comfortable around them. Normal things like talking to strangers, ordering food or answering questions had all become things they did automatically for Mark rather than even give their friend a chance to handle the situation. What was worse was the shorter American had grown so dependent on it he often found himself stressing over the idea of doing those things more when he was around his friends compared to when he was alone and actually needed to rehearse his actions.

So when invited to hang out at a campus diner one day Mark found himself a little more on edge than usual, people were scattered everywhere in the building as the mix of voices melded together in a sort of background ambiance that did nothing to lift the Americans spirit. He sat himself down at a table near the the back where he could still see people coming and going as he tried his best to just count people to keep himself calm. It worked for the most part but made him distant to the conversation his friends were having and earned him a sad looking hot chocolate as his friends just made a guess on what he wanted to drink when the waitress came around. Things got worse though when Mark spotted the familiar green hair of his roommate enter the building their eyes meeting in that instants as Jack quickly moves to greet him.

"Hey! I didn't think I'd see you here you usually spend friday nights getting all the weekend homework done." Jack grinned good naturedly, he didn't seem to realise the confused looks the other three at the table were giving him, "Thanks again for the coffee, I have no idea how you knew I'd need it strong today but man it was appreciated!"

Mark could do nothing but nod along awkwardly, this was not the situation he wanted to be in right now. Mark knew he was just being egotistic when he thought Jack would take people's attention away from him, especially when being noticed was just a wish he had for when he was alone, being in actual public being noticed was the last thing his nerves could handle. But nevertheless, he wanted to leave now before the situation got away from him, he could already see the gears turning in his friends heads as they tried to place the hopely new face.

"Mark... Is Jack your roommate?"

There was no luck for Mark as, Tyler spoke clearly recognizing the Irishman from somewhere. There had been a sense of amusement in his voice but Mark couldn't tell if that was because he also saw how perfect Jack was compared to himself or if he just approved of Jack as the person Mark was staying with. It was an internal struggle all on its own, Mark was sure it was the latter yet something was telling him it was his first thought, after all isn't the first instinct always right? The black haired American let out a shaky breath as his friends talked back and forth with his roommate, his heart was racing he wanted to just run away or at the very least get Jack to leave back to whatever he came in here from but as the green haired male sat down with them he saw that wasn't going to be an option. 

When the waitress came around this time Mark actually noticed her and took a moment to find the item on the menu he wanted so he could point it out to her. She quickly got the orders of everyone else before asking him what he wanted and Mark froze, his brain just shutting down as he stared like a deer caught in headlights till Bob looked over to see what Mark had rested his finger on and ordered it for him. The American was relieved to say the least, giving Bob a grateful look before momentarily catching the confusion in Jack's eyes and instantly looking down, Jack was seeing just how pathetic he was Mark knew it...

Mark had two options, suffer through this dinner and try to have a good time, or excuse himself for a moment and run away, he was actually leaning more towards running away, food wasn't that important he had went many times without it because of this toxic anxiety of his, what was one more meal. He should have known thinking about it more would lead him to doing it as he quickly signed that he needed to go washroom and hurried away from the table not even giving his friends a moment to respond. He took nothing with him his bag, his school work, his white board was all left at the table to throw off his friends from figuring out what he was about to do. The bathroom was definitely a clique one but at this moment in time Mark was loving that it had a window he could pull himself up to and shimmy out of. There had been a few awkward moments where he thought he might have actually been stuck but one should never underestimate an anxious man's determination to get out of a situation and soon he was running down the campus streets back to the safety of his dorm and shower as quickly as his legs could take him.

Mark didn't leave the shower or the bathroom that night, the forever warmth of the water in the dorm being a godsend right now, though he probably wouldn't have left even if it could turn cold. Jack returned sometime later knocking on the door to see if the other was already but let the situation drop once Mark knocked on the wall as a response. The American didn't know weather to be happy about Jack giving him the space he needed or upset because what if Jack quit so quickly because he didn't want to deal with Mark at all anymore. Sometimes Mark wondered why the thoughts in his brain hurt him so much but thanks to the soothing warmth of the water on his legs as he sat at the bottom of the shower with head propped against the wall it helped to vear him away from letting those damaging thoughts take hold. He took extra care though just in case to repeat to himself that it was in fact, all in his head, that he was fine and if he had to he would stay wake all night telling himself that.


	8. Who Do I Call To Help You?

Mark’s body was stiff the next day as it screamed out in protest as there was another knock on the door, he felt exhausted having not really slept at all that night, he could hear Jack trying to get his attention from the other side of the door.

"Mark are you still in there from last night? Are you alright do I need to come in? Please I worried about you, knock do something!"

Jack's voice sounded panicked, and the American’s pathetic knock on the wall didn't seem to do anything to help ease the alarm, as Mark heard Jack rush away for a moment then come back just to start jiggling the doorknob trying to get in. Mark's eyes widened, he was in the shower, NAKED! His muscles seemed to scream in protest as he jumped to stand, hoping it would give off the impression that he had just hopped in before Jack woke up. As the door opened though and Mark felt the wave of dizziness hit from his quick movement he suddenly really appreciated the Irishman's breaking and entering skills as Jack caught the other before he completely fell out of the shower. Mark's hand was gripped tightly to the now ripped shower curtain, the side of his face pressed into Jack's chest as the Irishman slowly helped Mark to the safety of the bathroom floor before turning off the still hot shower water. The dizziness did not subside as Mark tried to get his vision to focus, he could hear Jack asking him what the hell he was thinking but even if Mark could talk he didn't think he could handle it at the moment.

Jack helped move Mark to his bed, even if the American was soaking wet they both seemed to be under the impression that moving was indeed for the best. Jack moved to cover Mark up before taking out his phone to call someone, he moved around to their small half kitchen to get the other a glass of water as he started talking. Mark hadn't been paying attention at first but as he sipped at the water he was given he became increasingly aware that Jack was talking about him.

"He looks like a prune, I don't know what I'm supposed to do... does this happened often?"

His words sounded urgent and the fact that Jack seemed to be under the assumption that who ever he was on the phone with knew about Mark's history, the black haired male's best guess was that it must have been one of his friends. He opened his mouth in an attempt to say something anything but the words just wouldn't come out, his throat tightening up in an instant and he couldn't even breath as it felt like a void had opened up in his chest, Mark’s lip trembled feeling tears starting to well up as his brain choked on the thought. 

_I'm fine! Just say it! I'm fine. It's two words, just say it you idiot._

Jack must have noticed the distress in Mark's face because soon he was over, sitting by him and petting the American’s hair, trying to sooth what ever demons were going on in the others head. Mark's breath was shallow and forced, his glassy tear filled eyes not seeming to be able to produce another drop of water to break the barrier and cascade down his face as his skin burned against Jacks. He could vaguely hear Bob's voice coming from the phone asking what was going on and with a feeble shove he alerted the Irishman back to his original task.

"Sorry, sorry, I think everything is alright but I'm still kinda scared... Mark doesn't really look like he is well enough to write to me I don't know how we are supposed to communicate at all like this..."

Mark looked down at that, feeling guilty, of course this was all his fault he should had turned off the water hours ago or maybe sat outside the shower at the least. He had so much to apologize for, sorry for being dumb, sorry for making you worry, sorry for wrecking your day, sorry for having the voice of a banshee, sorry... for existing to ruin-- His train of thought would have continued on if it wasn't for his body suddenly heaving, he managed to hold his composer the first time, but the second wave hit moments after and the black haired male barely had a moment to shove his head over the side of his bed before gagging again. His only saving grace was the fact that his stomach was empty thus not really giving his body anything to throw up, despite how desperately it seemed to be trying. 

Mark didn't hear anything Jack had told Bob after that but he assumed he must have hung up as the Irishman was now back to his aid phone missing from his grasps as he pulled the small garbage bin right in front of Mark's face. They both didn't know how to handle this situation, was this a normal thing that happened, they weren't sure and until Mark's body stopped trying to empty itself out Jack made no movement to try and find out. 

The actual feeling of nausea never left him but his body slowly did start to relax away from its purge enough for Mark to gulp down more of the water he had been given earlier and pass the glass to Jack in hopes of another, his mouth felt dry his head still spinning from when he had gotten up, he didn't notice Jack had started trying to talk to him again at all until a new glass of water and his white board were in front of his face. Mark gave the other his best look of confusion feeling grateful when Jack repeated his request,

"Can you write down how you feel? Maybe I can find out what's wrong on google..."

He didn't seem upset but the worried look on his face did nothing to make Mark feel better. Jack probably hated him now and even if he wrote everything out nicely and did what he could to listen to what the green haired male was saying now Mark felt little hope in the idea that he could make the other happy again. Nevertheless the words were written down shakely and Jack was soon rooting through google looking for answers. He must have found one he thought was a winner because more than half way down the first page he was met with the symptom list for heat stroke Vs. heat exhaustion and was soon up moving around getting things the treatment list suggested. 

Mark appreciated the cold cloths placed on him, the soft touch running through his hair as Jack tried to take care of him. It did little to ease the actual stress his body felt but the others presence was doing wonderfully for his psyche Mark was still unable to place why exactly, and usually that was cause for concern but his head was still spinning, he couldn't focus for the life of him. Mark shuffled over slightly and weakly patted the bed, if Jack was going to be someone that kept him calm the American was going to take full advantage of it.

"You... Want me to lay down with you..?"

Jack sounded unsure of if that was really the case but Mark nodded slowly a small smile gracing his face as the Irishman moved to lay down trying to keep as much of a gap between them as the small twin sized bed aloud. 

"Okay, I'm here for you... You should try and get some sleep it might help."

Mark heard him mutter, it was really the first time he had really heard Jack's voice as something soft and light. It wasn't fair, Mark was sure he liked it better then the regular voice he had been getting use to hearing. His eyes slowly fell closed trying to stay focused on what Jack had said as he fell asleep.

_I'm here for you._


	9. Why Would You Start There?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late I got terribly distracted!

The weekend went by in a blur but thankfully Mark managed to recover without a trip to the hospital and soon he was waking up to not one but two voices laughing back and forth to each other. His brain stirred into action as he recognized the sound of Jack and Tyler, talking like old friends over something Mark hadn't even had a chance to register yet.

"It's really all about practicing the movements, say them out loud if you have to but really really try to get the movements down or you might say the wrong thing, and trust me people will notice the slightest movement change."

Mark looked at them seeing Tyler signing out the words he was saying, he recognized the learning style as the ones his friends had all used to teach themselves. Jack didn't seem to be getting it very well ether if the frown on his face was anything to go by. The black haired males first thought had been, why.

_Why would Tyler be here while he was asleep, talking and helping Jack? They didn't know each other right? He wasn't being replaced!?_

His head swarmed with questions he had to force down as Mark pulled himself out of bed, slinking passed the two with nothing but a greeting pat to his friend's head before entering the bathroom and shutting the door. He took a deep breath telling himself to stay calm and relax as he turned on the shower water choosing to keep it on the cooler side of things considering the hell of a weekend he had. The lukewarm water did nothing to ease his nerves though, it just didn't hold that same serenity that warm water possessed but the American was already committed to being there so he took his time as usual. Despite his tense muscles Mark did a good job listing the answers his brain needed to hear. He was not going to let some silly anxieties get in the way of the day for him, he was strong and no sickness mental or otherwise would hold him down at the moment. Motivated was how he felt when he left the bathroom and plopped down close by Tyler on the floor,

_"Do you need any help is he picking it up alright?"_

Mark signed specifically skipping past any questions as to why they were doing this just in case they gave different answers from the one he had mentally resisted not wanting to throw off everything in his head again. Tyler answered back slowly using both his words and his hands most likely to give Jack a good representation.

"He's doing fine considering this is only the first day of learning. We actually aren't this far in but being immersed in something completely is a better way to learn."

Jack's eyes were on the movements trying to pick out ones he knew, but if Mark's personal experiences were anything to go by the untrained eye would kinda have a hard time trying to figure out where one move ended and another began. Nevertheless Mark was happy to see the effort Jack was trying to put into this and settled on trying to help as well.

Hours passed and while it looked like Jack was picking it up fairly well only time would tell if he actually stuck with it. Tyler had left so now it was just the two roommates left, Jack now in front of the bathroom mirror just repeating signs to himself as Mark watched from his spot on the ground still. When Mark had joined in to help he noticed something odd right away, Tyler hadn't been teaching Jack the common starting sentences, he was teaching the Irishman emotions. Things like happy, sad, anxious, scared as well as two sentences, 'I need to be alone' and 'I need someone here.' It didn't seem like a good place to start in the black haired males opinion but his attempts to add in the actual 'how are you?' was not as well received he still heard and saw Jack practice it but not nearly as often as the emotions. eventually Mark had to pry his eyes away from Jack and actually go over to his desk and start his homework that was sadly due in a few hours, he winced to think about that but he wasn't about to tell his teacher he got some sort of heat sickness from a shower... Mark put his headphones in and cut out the rest of the world.


	10. Can I Get The Words Out In Time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this kinda needs to be said but I know Mark is more then a little OOC at the moment, my story goal is to get him to the point where he is that person we see all the time on youtube, Septiplier love is just an added bones.

Mark should have stopped, Jack had more than proved that he was more than just some stranger, yet the American couldn't pull himself out of the 5 am routine that he had set in place more then a month or so ago. The mornings seemed to blur together, Mark able to just drone out most of his action in a sleepy daze. Their fridge was filled by Mark early Monday morning, coffee made daily specially for Jack to wake up to, showers had, before the black haired male was off to bug Tyler and Bob. It was only a matter of time before something slipped, and though everyone told him Jack would be understanding of why Mark did what he did the shorter male himself felt like he was doing something extremely wrong to still be avoiding Jack like this. His anxieties kept telling him Jack would hate him, he was a liar and honestly Mark believed it, he felt his avoidance had spiraled out of control but he couldn't stop it and it was now just a matter of time before he was caught.

With that thought in mind it really shouldn't have surprised him that when he unlocked the door to his friends dorm that morning, he would find all three of them sitting there waiting. If Mark hadn't been awake before he sure was now as he hesitantly asked what was going on. 

"Mark you know we love you but this has to stop, you can't keep waking up early every day just so you can come hide out here. You should be sleeping in your own bed not coming here to sleep. Mark your first class is at eleven, you're pulling yourself out of bed a whole six hours before your first class even begins."

Bob was the first to respond back, it was clear by his voice he was trying to be as delicate with his words as possible and though Mark did have to agree with what they were saying it left him with a sense of dread to actually realize just how close he was to the truth coming out, he could hear one of the others start to talk but he had to look to see who's voice he was actually hearing.

"Jack has gone out of his way to try and get closer to you, I mean he's got a long way to go before he's able to hold a conversation in ASL but he is trying to learn things to better help him understand your feelings. I think that speaks volumes on what kind of person he is."

The shorter male didn't know what to do, Tyler's words mirrored the same thing Mark had tried to reason with in his head, it was something that held true yet he was scared.

"We want to tell him, we get it may take some time to actually drop the habit but we could at least try to move forward?"

There was a weakness in Wade's words and his friend's faces looked worried now that they could see Mark was panicking and with their own bad habits in play instantly they started to waver on their idea in an unconscious attempt to stop Mark from freaking out and doing something bad. It left Mark with two choices though, did he jump on the weakness and push the thought of telling Jack from their heads, or take the words they said and leave to go tell Jack the truth himself. In a moment frozen in time the choice was made, everything moved in slow motion as Mark forced his body to turn around and leave, he heard someone yell his name as his body sprinted down the hall his mind slow to follow after.

As anxiety usually held him back in most setting with strangers it was probably more than a little shocking when Mark slammed into his own room loudly, out of breath as the door shut and Jack stared sat up in bed in alarm of confusion, the gears in his head trying to start turning as Mark was sure he was signing to him two words he knew should be enough to force him to not back down.

"You...lied?" 

Jack's voice was raspy from sleep as he tried to translate the words signed, it was still a perfect though as Mark tried to focus on that to further coax him along and make a move to write down the answer he figured was coming next.

"What do you mean? What did you lie about?"

Jack's eyes were on the whiteboard Mark had started scribbling on before the words had even left the Irishman's mouth, 

_'I don't have morning classes, I've been leaving early and going to sleep in Bob and Tyler's room.'_

 

Mark anxiously watched Jack's face looking for anything, his breath caught in his throat there was no sense of anger or disgust in the others face but it did nothing to ease the American's nerves.

"Mark... You woke me up at 6 am to tell me you don't have classes right now?"

Jack didn't mean to sound grumpy but he was starting to fall back asleep and was fighting it with all his might, but it was all Mark needed to go off of though to feel his heartbreak and tears well up in his eyes. Negativity whirling around in his head as his brain told him things he had no choice but to believe were true.

 _Jack hates me. Jack knows I’m a liar. Jack knows I'm not worth it._ Mark turned his back to his friend for the second time that day and rushed out of the room without looking back, he really had been that stupid hadn't he? 

Mark was surprised when he got a text message from Wade an hour or so later asking where he was and if he needed to come find him, to which the American promptly ignored actually turning off his phone just so he wouldn't cave in. He had cried himself out and was ready for the day to continue as the emotionally drained male just drifted around the campus like a zombie. Cars drove by not too far away from where he slunk along from. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going but happen to look up at just the right moment to see a shock of green hair come out of the local donut shop across the street. He froze in his movement watching his roommate move, looking almost as dazed as he himself did. The tired Irishman had his head down staring more at where his feet were dragging along to then actually what was happening in front of him, he didn't see it. Marks blood ran cold as his head played out what was about to happen Jacks foot was taking the next step out to crash the street right as a bus was coming up to him, there wasn't a moment to spare trying to flag the green haired male down as Mark took in a breath.

"JACK!!"

Mark's scream ripped from his throat, half broken and terribly raspy from all the years of neglect it had suffered through, it was a perfect reminder of why the black haired male hated it so much. The bus rushed passed him before Mark ran out across the street to the shocked looking Irishman, he looked pale his eyes slowly panning up to meet Mark's. Mark guessed that there was in fact one redeeming feature his vile voice had: it saved Jack.


	11. Did I Take The First Step?

The rest of the day passed in a haze, a blurry slow motion mess, that Mark was trapped in as his brain speeded by screaming at him all the things that had happened, telling him what he should have been feeling, that he had messed up so badly, that everyone would hate him, and the people around him were disgusted by what they heard. Mark had followed Jack back home after what had happened, the American having wordlessly worming his way into cuddling with Jack in bed as he tried to relax and calm everything down to a consistent and coherent speed. Jack's voice trembled slightly as he tried talking to Mark, most likely aiming to get the other to speak again but Mark didn't budge he didn't move to attempt to answer at all and the closest he got to actually saying anything was chewing at his lip. The Irishman took the hint after a while and instead gently started a one sided conversation mostly just trying to fill the dead air and calm both of their nerves as they laid there in an awkward embrace till there was a knock on the door.

Jack had pulled himself away from Mark's grip to go and get the door, opening it to find Tyler there to help with the ASL training that night. Mark hadn't really moved from his spot staring at the wall and the empty spot Jack had left as he heard the door quietly close leaving him alone in the room. The black hair male slowly pulled himself to sit up, he could vaguely hear the two talking outside but didn't linger to find out what, after all with his luck it was Jack saying how horrifying it was to actually hear Mark say his name. Mark frowned as he set up the coffee machine, this feeling wasn't one he should be having, who regrets saving someones life? Trolls like himself apparently, egotistic monsters who feel sorry for themselves when clearly there were bigger problems out there. 

Somewhere in the time he was lost in that negative spiral of thoughts the two others entered the room, as Mark turned to come face to face with the proud smile of Tyler before being pulled into a hug. The action by itself had shocked the shorter American as he had already convinced himself that this was going to be the point where everyone would leave him for pretty much being a banshee.

"I'm so proud of you."

Tylers words were soft but clear seeming only to keep the low tone in an attempt to sooth his tence friend as he patted his head. Mark's brain seemed to stop processing as he heard the praise, his fingers flexed momentarily thinking there might be something to respond back with, but his mind stayed blank he had nothing to say nothing to even think. It felt like his throat was trying to close up on it's as a sense of panic set in, he needed to respond to nod at the very least right? The panic must have been obvious because not a moment later Tyler was coming to his rescue starting a one sided conversation to put the others anxieties at ease.

"You saved someone's life today, and not only that you actually spoke. Mark I know you think that it's bad but really I'm so proud of you, Jack is so thankful and honestly we would love it if maybe you tried getting a few more words out there?"

Tyler's tone at that last question held little to no actual strength, it was almost like you could hear the egg shells he was walking on and it was something Mark could very easily use to finally kick start him into replying as he pulled himself away from the taller male and shook his head.

_'No, if I never hear that train wreck again it will be too soon.'_

Mark signed quickly clearly not appreciating the suggestion at all and as he saw that Tyler was backing off with the suggestion Jack's voice rang up from the sidelines.

"I know you're scared, but you can't keep running away from everything that's hard in your life, and you can't just push people away when they say things you don't want to hear."

Unlike Tyler, Jack's voice was strong and confident it didn't leave room for argument much to the other twos horror. Mark was so use to his friends all just babying him if he was even a little uncomfortable with moving forward they stopped everything they were doing. Having Jack here knowing that wasn't going to work with him was terrifying but it also hit like a slap to the face a wake up call telling him just how terrible he had been being all these years. Jack was right, Tyler was right, and though it scared Mark to think about it probably was time he tried taking a few steps forward, maybe actually saying anything was a bit of a stretch but... If Jack wasn't going to cave to Mark's panic maybe they could help make it so he worked through some of it.

"Jack don't, It's Mark's choice. He knows what he can handle and what he's not ready to do."

Tyler spoke up quickly, probably scared Mark was going to just shut down again. It was another reason Mark could see he needed what Jack said, the black haired males panic and stress wasn't just hurting him, all his friends had learnt to dance around it and put it above everything else and that just wasn't right and it needed to stop now. Mark took in a breath and walked passed the two, going to grab his whiteboard to tell them both what he was thinking. He could hear Tyler say his name trying to smooth out what Jack had said to make it nicer and something the silent male could shoot down, but Jack was right there telling Tyler he meant it exactly how it sounded as Mark just shook his head and started to write.

_'No, you're right. You're both right. I stopped trying to get better a long time ago, I hit a point where I thought I was functioning but I'm not, I've just been making you all bend so I didn't have to.'_

Mark frowned half because this was just something he was admitting to himself now half because he had more to say still but the whiteboard only had so much room and since Jack didn't really know enough sign language for everything Mark had to say he was very limited with what he could do. As soon as he saw both his friend's eyes leave the board and open their mouth to say something he erased his old words and continued.

_'I need a push forward, I can't keep going on like that. Tyler please for me; stop worrying how I'll react, I need a good kick in the ass every now and then._

Mark watched Tyler expectantly as he waited for him to finish reading, happy when he saw the other nod.

_'Jack, I'm really going to need you. If anyone can help me get to where I need to be, I think it's you. Please help me?'_

Mark started chewing at his lip as he let the two read the last of what he had to say, he felt a little guilty letting it be known he didn't think Bob, Wade or, Tyler could get him any farther then what they had done by this point but the truth needed to be said and as long as his friends were scared of how he would react they weren't going to be able to give him the push needed. Jack grinned, happy to see his words actually got into that thick skull of Mark's and that he was indeed ready to make a change.

"I already know a few things that we can work on together. We can start them tomorrow with having you actually try to sleep in? Or at the very least not leave till classes actually start."

It wasn't a question, that was the game plan, the newest task on Mark's checklist that the American told himself he could do. Tyler seemed happy with that idea as well as they slowly let that topic rest and moved onto coffee and what they were actually there for, teaching Jack ASL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard, I'm trying to keep it on Mark's point of view but I had thought of something I wanted to do from Jack's Perspective but couldn't put it in.
> 
> And then I went back and literally rewrote everything and well it wasn't a good week for me... Sorry it took so long I have no real excuse, I've literally just been laying around my house all week...


	12. Was That Too Fast?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for giving me some time away from this, I meant to have so much other things done for you.. but of course nothing works out the way a person wants it to. Seven times I tried to post a one shot for you all. and Seven times it didn't work out. I had spent so long trying to force the idea along that when I finally caved and rewrote it I was suddenly so much happier with how it was turning out... then I refreshed the page... I refreshed it and lost EVERYTHING. My heart is still broken. So instead of a having a nice one shot out for you all before coming back to this I'm afraid all I've been posting is the collab I've been doing. I'm so sorry about that I had so much other things I had planned.... the only other thing I could say was Karma totally got me sick the day after I posted this on hiatus!

Five canceled alarms, two sleeping pills and one quiet night later Mark found himself for the first time in a long while waking up at seven AM. It hadn't been the nicest wakeup as he jolted up out of bed with a sense of alarm and dread at 'sleeping in' before he was calmed back down by his smiling roommate and the memories of last night sinking back into his head. 

"I thought you might still end up waking up early." Jack stated as he moved to set a cup of dark black coffee into Mark's hands. "So I set my own alarm just in case this sort of thing happened." 

The Irishman seemed rather proud of himself for thinking this through but Mark wasn't sure how he felt about it, was he really that predictable? He nodded weakly, taking a sip of the coffee before grimacing. It definitely wasn’t how he usually took it, but he didn’t say anything about it though and just forced himself to take another drink so the Irishman wouldn’t be upset.

Mark hated being like this, he knew if he was around his friends he would have said something and even though he could see that Jack was someone who would be important to him, it seemed he wasn’t yet ready to open up just yet. Jack didn’t seem to notice though, the American guessed it wasn’t actually that much of a surprise they were still fairly unfamiliar with each other even now.

“So I thought of something we could try today?”

Jack’s voice drew Mark from his thoughts eye’s glancing up to momentarily meet the smiling male in front of him, as he raise his eyebrow hoping it portrayed the question he was trying to express.

“Well you need help trying to talk right? So let’s talk! We can start out with something easy how about ‘hi?’ Can you say that?”

Jack seemed excited, he sat there on Mark’s bed, with an expression of pure delight and determination, over this idea. It made Mark actually want to try and say it which was something he hadn’t really felt since he had fallen into the cycle of just letting his friends answer everything for him. He gave a weak nod opening his mouth to try and copy what Jack said.

There was a bubble of sound before the American completely froze up, he felt like he was choking as his lips trembled and he felt a familiar sting in his eyes. It wasn’t that Mark couldn’t do it, it was that it terrified him to even try. Year’s of trying to make his words better, his voice sound something normal, years of bullying and self consciousness came rushing back into him as he just completely shut down. He felt panic rising in him as he realized how close he had been to letting that grotesque sound out of him again, he had heard the start of if he had actually heard it, which meant Jack did too. His thoughts were racing by at record speeds everything around him spinning, he then saw how unfocused he was, his eyes struggling to make contact with Jacks. He could see the Irishman was saying something but he couldn’t hear it. His lungs burned in a horrible mix of not enough oxygen and too quick of breaths. Before suddenly everything stopped and Mark’s world went black.


	13. How Could I Not?

Mark’s eyes opened, he struggled to focus as he sat back up before suddenly becoming aware of the loud green person in front of him panicking to see if he was alright. All he could do was give a weak nod as he tried to ignore the tired dizziness he was still feeling. As the world settled in around him he realized Jack was apologizing. The American gave a sad smile and shook his head, it wasn’t Jack’s fault that he couldn’t handle even the simplest of tasks. He was actually kind of mad at himself for it, what kind of pathetic soul faints because they tried to say _Hi_?

“Mark, I’m so sorry. I—… I should have realized it wasn’t going to be that easy.” Jack was frowning, guilt clear on his face as he spoke. “I just thought maybe.. You’d still feel that push from yesterday and we could work off of that.”

Mark shook his head lightly before moving to grab his white board, he really couldn’t wait to till Jack could fully understand sign language, it would make talking so much easier… Unless Jack actually managed to help him speak, which at this moment he didn’t think it was going to happen.

_‘It’s not your fault, I should have recognized I wasn’t ready.’_

Mark frowned at his words there was one more thought in his head but he refused to write you. _You made me feel like I could do it._ He felt his cheeks heat up slightly. That really didn’t seem like something to say to a friend and considering the Americans long history of just how close he acted towards friends, that was really saying something.

Both Jack and Mark really were at a lost of what to do next. Both blamed themselves and swore up and down that the other was not to blame it didn’t get them anywhere, but eventually Jack broke the cycle and changed the topic.

“What was it that scared you, into reacting like that?”

Mark froze at that his heart lurching forward. He didn’t want to say, but considering he couldn’t say anything at all the least he could do was explain himself. He slowly moved to pick up his marker and write hesitantly, hand trembling every now and then messing his words as he recalled what had went through his mind pausing every now and then to erase the board after it had been read.

_‘I hate how I sound.’_

It was a simple start but that was the main thing that needed to get out there.

_‘It’s terrible, just it’s grotesque and vile. I can’t stand it. I don’t want to hear it. It—…. It scares me. Nothing good comes from it. Of course I panicked wouldn’t you if you had to deal with something that could ruin your life at one false sound.’_

There was a noticeable flicker of hatred in Mark’s eyes, he really didn’t like bringing up anything to do with it. He didn’t mention the anxieties he felt when he tried to speak, just the hate and self loathing he had towards it. Where he stood that was what was important at the moment he would tell Jack more as it was needed.

_‘Can we try this again later I’d rather just go have a shower and get something to eat now.’_

Mark waited for Jack to quietly nod before evacuating the area, he could see the Irishman was thinking… Plotting, and he wanted to get away before his roommate actually started trying to get more information out of him and trying to get him to talk again.


	14. What Makes This Work?

“You look wonderful today.”

Mark honestly didn’t know why Jack would say that, but ever since the American’s panic attack a few weeks ago, Jack seemed to be saying things like that every chance he got. Sometimes it was simple things. _I’m proud of you. Your hair is doing this floofing thing and it’s really nice. Your smile is like the sun today, it shines._ Mark honestly didn’t know how to make heads or tales of the matter. Did Jack really mean it? Or was he trying to butter him up before asking him to do something drastic?

Mark had wanted to ask the other why for some time now. He had gotten close a few times, white board in hand, Jack’s gaze on him after he had caught the Irishman's attention in hopes that it would help him against chickening out. But it didn’t help and he knew if he kept trying Jack was going to catch on that Mark really didn’t just want to know what he had wanted for dinner. However, there was something that Mark found he could do as revenge till Jack confessed what his evil plot was. 

_‘Your eyes are beautiful.’_

It wasn’t even something that Mark really even thought about, if someone could hear the emotion in his writing they may have seen he was trying to sass Jack with complements. Sure what he said was true, the Irishman’s eyes were something you could easily get lost in with how beautiful they looked, but he was trying to get Jack back for all the confusion he was putting in Mark’s head and what better way was there then to fight fire with fire. Or in this case complements with complements.

Jack had looked like a deer in headlights when he had first read what Mark had written to him, but it was quickly replaced by an grin and a ‘thank you!’ It really hadn’t went how the American had wanted it to but Mark had been wowed by the response. Jack had just been able to roll with what was said, he didn’t shy away or start over thinking why it was said at all. In fact Mark was sure he had actually seen Jack’s entire being light up, so he didn’t stop. 

With Jack also learning more and more with the ASL, Mark was also starting to be able to sign small things right off the top of his head. One of those things becoming _‘you’re cute’_ just because it had become an action he had done so often whenever he had shown Jack whatever complement he had written down.

In a way it had just became their thing to do and if Mark really had to say it he was actually kinda starting to like hearing what Jack had to say… Even if it was probably part of some evil plot.


	15. Am I Trying To Order?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is SO late I got stuck! but I am about to post 2 other chapters (short chapters) so.. I hope you can forgive me...
> 
> Also I am going to see my family tomorrow for the first time in over a year if I don't post I'm so sorry.

If his friends notice the change in the dynamic between Jack and Mark they never said anything about it. If Mark had to guess it was probably because they were dealing with their own shift in how to treat their silent friend. When Tyler had suggested letting Mark try to order his own food there had been a hesitant agreement, Bob and Wade did want to see the shorter male get better but they didn’t like seeing the other panic, the server had to leave and come back three separate times before Wade just couldn’t take it and refused to let Mark try again. At the time it put Mark at ease happy to take to easy way out after the disaster that had been him trying to order,but it really wasn’t helping his problem. 

The more times it happened though the more reluctant Wade was to let Mark go through it again. Tyler who had actually seen the determination in Marks eyes when he stated he wanted to get better held himself to that high state of not giving into Mark’s panics. Bob was also trying his hardest to do the right thing and let Mark try and figure things out himself, but it would be a lie to say he hadn’t been close to caving more than a few times, the only thing that really stopped him was that Wade always jumped in before he would. It left Mark in a tight spot he didn’t want to lose that security that came with knowing Wade was just one pleading look away from helping him, but at the same time he wasn’t improving like he had wanted and no one was harder on him then himself.

He couldn’t help feeling like Jack was the only one who was improving in anything, and though that would have discourage him at the start their growing friendship made it hard to actually be upset. The Irishman was making him smile, there was a warmth in his chest when ever he thought about how hard Jack was trying for him, it made him want to try hard too, but that feeling only lasted when Jack was actually around and as such he was often times silent with his problems. If it wasn’t for Tyler, Mark and Jack might still have been stuck not knowing how to proceed with anything.

Mark wasn’t sure when they talked but one day Jack had handed him a small make shift menu and said he finally knew where to start with the American’s communication with others. It was a small gesture, simple just smile and pointing out what he wanted. It seemed so little but over the years of anxiety even the smallest bits of communication could be a mountain to climb.

Things weren't just a matter of point and smile there were steps plans of attack how to last and notime panic. Which server looked like they wouldn't mind handling how difficult he was going to be? Could he look that person in the eye? What question did they open with there were only a few university gestures that he could use without confusing people. He had to plan the conversation out what would they say how would he react which gestured was the right one. Honestly with the amount of work that needed to be put in Mark sometimes felt discouraged to even try. There were so many things to go through before the server even talked to him and even then one wrong move and Mark just crashed and shut done. This was going to be so hard and the only fall back plan he had was one from the Irishman just trying to calm him after they had a failed mock dinner order.

"Pretend they are me if it helps. You're comfortable looking and smiling at me so use that to your advantage till you're ready."

Mark didn't have the heart to tell him just was the reason he smiled and pretending some stranger was him would never replicate that feeling he got when around him now. Not that that must have been a very big deal seeing as no one noticed the change when around him.


	16. Did I Laugh Because Of You?

Mark stared at the paper in front of him in shock an awe. In his hand he held a graded paper with a quick complement written on it. It wasn't anything big but Mark found that for the first time in a long while he actually deserved what was said. There was a sense of pride in him and felt real not just a joking boast around friends and all he could think to do was thank Jack. The Irishman had been working so hard trying to normalize complements in Mark's life and though Mark had turned it into a flirting game it's true purpose had clearly stuck.

He had almost ran back to his dorm pausing in the doorway only a moment to watch Jack put down his bag ready to relax for the night. A rare surge of impulse pushed Mark forward as he wrapped his arms around the thinner male hoisting him off the ground and twirling them around before burying himself against Jack not letting him go. He was so grateful for everything the green haired male had helped him accomplish thus far. It didn't seem like much to an outsider but anyone who knew just how much Mark had been struggling could see he was changing. 

What's more, Jack's laugh when Mark had settled him back to the safety of the ground had been so full of life, Mark couldn't help but follow along. The rare sound he made, feeling in the air, as he let himself relax and take in the moment.

Jack squirmed slightly against him, his bright energetic laugh fading away as he nudged Mark's head marking it so the American left his spot against Jack's shoulder to look up at what the other had wanted a few small chuckles crossing his lips before the confusion replaced it.

"You sound beautiful."

Mark's eyes widened, he definitely could not say he agreed with Jack, but at the same time the jolt of emotions hit his heart and could not be ignored. Joy. Mark felt his cheeks warm and a weak smile cross his face, from Jack he was almost willing to accept it... almost.


	17. Can I Really Do This?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smallest update, and last bit of spam for you, again I'm sorry it took so long..

Mark jittered standing in the coffee shop alone paper in had to try and order his drink. By this point he was sure everyone knew him it was hard to miss the shaky male who's eyes darted around like a crackhead who quite cold turkey. Mark had also ran out on them during an order too many times to count but this time he was ready. He was armed with the thought of Jack in his head as he forced the uneasy smile onto his face. 

He was there standing in front of the till body shaking as he showed the server the paper. He couldn't keep eye contact instantly dropping his gaze to his trembling hand as he tried to force himself to move to point to what he wanted. In a panic over how long he was taking his eyes darted up to the neutral expression on the others face and suddenly it was too much.

His breath caught in his throat as he forgot how to breath. This person was judging him! They could see how worthless he was! He didn't belong here he had to go! The words crashed through his head, there was no time for a thought of Jack to even get in for Mark to calm himself with. He crumpled the paper in his cold hands before turning and running.

Another failure under his belt to hate himself for... who couldn't even order a simple drink, he deserved the worthless feeling resonating from inside him right now.


	18. Help Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been having a rough time mentally, it's been hard to write.

He had thought about telling Jack about his failures, thought of getting him to— He didn’t even know…. Hold his hand as he tired to do the simple communication task? He couldn’t see it working out well how would he hold and point to what he wanted on the paper if his one hand was going to be locked with someone else? He’d have an easier time dumpster diving for what he wanted then having to actually order it…

He hated that this was even a thought at all. He couldn’t keep this up, he was tired of this feeling. Tired of the pressure that seemed to settle in the middle of his spine as his heart beat went into overdrive and his lost his ability to breath properly. He was tired of feeling so scared and having to plan his life around it. This wasn’t normal right? He wasn’t normal…

Mark sat there quietly looking at the object in his hands, he skipped his after noon class but Jack was do to be home any minute now, he could even hear the quiet foot steps down the hall telling him someone was coming…. There was a click as the door opened and Jack paused in the doorway.

“Mark?”

He sounded confused and really Mark didn’t blame him, he was never home first. The American stood up slowly making his way over to his friend and placing the item in Jack’s hands. There was a look of confusion on the green haired males face before Mark signed out a few words he knew Jack had learnt.

_‘Help me’_

In Jack’s hands laid a small prescription bottle, anti anxiety pills. Mark had had them for years but could never bring himself to commit. He deserved the fear he felt, it was bad, it made him feel bad but it was also keeping him safe… or at least that’s what Mark told himself. Jack though… Jack made him feel like he was worth something, like he deserved to get better and that he didn’t need to live like this. Jack made him feel… in love…

“You… You had these the whole time?”

Jack’s voice was louder then Mark would have liked a small flinch escaping because of it. The Irishman didn’t sound mad but he wasn’t happy either and that, that was his own fault.

_‘I’m sorry’_

Mark did his best not to rush himself so Jack could understand the regret he felt. His hands were trembling as the other let out a slow breath. This… This was it wasn’t it Mark had just crossed the line, he should have never showed Jack the pills. His heart broke, he was just willing to admit his feelings to himself just in time for Jack to take and shatter it!

His feet moved on his own he didn’t even have time to register what had happened before he felt his body being jerked back and he and another weight stumbled to the ground. Mark gasped for air his body shaking as he completely froze up he couldn’t focus he couldn’t breath, this was it he was going to die right here and now!

There was somethings moving his hand pressing it to a soft rhythmic warmth… breath! Mark did his best trying to focus he could vaguely make out someone trying to talk to him, his finger tips picked up the vibrations telling him the person who’s breathing he was desperately trying to copy and the person talking were one in the same. It took what felt like hours for Mark to finally feel all right enough to slowly push himself away and glance up to meet the worried blue eyes of his roommate. Even after all that, after Mark had clearly ruined everything Jack still tried to help…?

“Mark… Stop trying to run from me. I’m not mad I just… It never clicked that you might actually need meds for this. I’m sorry. I was so close minded I should have thought before I spoke… of course I’ll help you.”


	19. This Is A Dream, Isn't It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute Chapter as an I'm sorry?

Mark was in the kitchen humming to himself the song clear as day playing in his head drowning out the sound of his own noise. He felt happy, he glanced over to see Jack seating at his computer, focused on-- he didn’t even know what. He didn’t even care what! It didn’t matter they were happy, both of them and that was what mattered right?

“What do you want for dinner?” 

The American piped up, he felt the vibrations in his throat and saw Jack turn to look at him thinking of a response but he had heard no actual sound to his words. It seemed so normal, Jack and him talking like there was no existing communication barrier and why should there be Mark’s voice was the sound of silence that was just what it was, what it should be and he was happy like that.

“I was thinking maybe a butter pasta or something but if you have any other ideas I’m open to them.”

He continued on, when he found Jack was taking too long to respond, as he turned away from the Irishman not needing anymore conformation that the other was in fact listening to what he had to say. He grabbed a pot and wooden spoon so he could start to work.

“I don’t know the last time you made a butter sauce you ran out of noodles and it was more like a butter soup then anything.”

Jack snorted behind him, apparently holding onto small facts Mark himself was trying to forget about. No one needed to be reminded of all the cooking mishaps he had in his life! Mark huffed at that setting the pot down before turning himself around and pointing at Jack with the spoon.

“Hey if you want to make shots like that I will gladly step aside and let you figure out the kitchen yourself.” He threatened a smirk crossing his face as he watched the green haired male quickly start to shake his head no. “Ya thats what I thought.” He hummed as he turned back to the stove so he could start boiling the water.

“Well I mean I could, but if we are going to die of food poisoning I’d rather it not be on my hands.”

Mark rolled his eyes at that, he was not going to give them food poisoning, but he guessed if Jack was really that unconfined with his cooking abilities he might as well play with it.

“Oh no! You’re right! And I think lunch is catching up to me, Jack! I’m not going to make it!”

His soundless voice made it’s way through the room loudly as he staggered back away from the warming stove, Jack laughing behind him as he stretched his arms out wooden spoon held out in front of him. “Jack, I can’t go on save yourself! Find the cure!” he exclaimed dramatically before plunging the wooden spoon into his ‘chest’ and fell to the ground only to have his head hit Jack’s shoe. 

“I’m TRYING to die here!”

He whined at the apparently ninja like Irishman who was looking down at him, his laugh slowly fading away.

.

.

.

.

If every day could be like that Mark wouldn’t need to be so scared. If every dream played out in that way he wouldn’t need to tear himself awake, and hold back the sound in his throat that haunted him so mercilessly. If every sound he made was just silence… He would be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... I mean it was kinda cute right?


	20. Ready For This?

There was some kind of horror that came with placing everything you needed in life on one person. Mark hadn’t even known Jack a year and yet he was putting all this trust into him. Jack was his crutch for every positive emotion he felt. He helped keep him on track with his pills, his self esteem, woke him up if he fell into a nightmare, Jack just came into his life and changed everything he had hidden from his friends. 

He had heard somewhere once that you can’t love someone unless you love yourself first, but now… He thinks he might have to call bullshit on that. Everyone knew Mark didn’t love himself, they would never say it out loud but it was very clear that he didn’t. If he believed what that little wannabe fortune cookie said then it was saying there was no way he could be in love with his roommate at all. It really just wasn’t the case though, he knew he loved Jack, he loved him so much that— … That he forgot what hating himself felt like…

All that needed to be done about it now was to choose… Did he keep this information to himself? Or did he dare to dream and tell Jack how he felt? If he kept it bottled up any longer then he’d fall off track soon. He really didn’t handle this sort of thing well, though that was probably inexperience he hadn’t really been one for crushes so it was a miracle really he had been doing so well with it so far. If he did tell him though, who knows what would happen. It wasn’t really a question they had asked, what was Jack’s view on a same sex relationship? He seemed kind to many things but what if he drew the line at his roommate having feelings for him?

Every day that passed though took Mark another step closer to wanting to take that chance, every complement and flirt back made his heart want to take the chance. What if Jack didn’t ask him because he didn’t want to scare him? What if Jack was waiting for Mark to feel stable enough that a relationship was something he could do? The Irishman seemed like the kind of person to hold off like that so… So maybe it was time that Mark took a step forward? He was ready for this, right?


	21. When Did This All Fall Into Place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was gone so long I hit a wall hard, but I'm back now and not alone! I've taken CJ on board to help me with the remaining chapters. That means though the story has shifted perspectives from solely Mark's to both Mark and Jack's as the duel writing is awkward to support one perspective and having both views adds more substance to the story so.... umm... Sorry? I don't know what to say, do you like the change or should I keep it at just Mark?

It didn’t take long for Mark to pour his heart out in a letter to Jack that was then nicely folded and placed in his pocket. No, the problem started with actually trying to give his roommate the note. Two days seemed to edge by slowly as the paper felt as if it was trying to burn itself out of Mark’s pants pocket. He didn’t pay attention in his classes the nicely folded corners of the letter soon got crumpled and warn as the American fidgeted with it as his mind played over how he thought things would play out. Even now sitting on his bed knees up to hold his books on he was messing with the paper instead of working, part of him hoping he was being loud enough to catch the attention of Jack who was sitting not to far away reading over something.

Jack’s attention was pulled from his books by the soft sounds of well worn paper being toyed with. He glanced at Mark and bit his lip, wondering if maybe he should ask what that was. Mark had passed him notes a time or two, but this one looked a little worse for wear. He sat up straight cleared his throat to get Mark’s attention before signing ‘What do you have there?’

The black haired male froze breath catching in his throat, of course the one time he wishes for a push the universe throws him to the wolfs. Mark’s mouth opened and closed almost as if he had attempted to say something out loud before backing out again and looked down at the paper. It was for Jack, Jack who was asking about it right this second, Jack who Mark had wanted to ask about it. He slowly glanced back up at the other man, slowly setting the paper on his books as he did and responded with a hesitant ‘ _it’s yours_.’ Not able or willing to elaborate any further with his signing, the letter had everything else that needed to be said in it anyways.

Jack blinked wide blue eyes at Mark, he looked down at the note which looked like it would fall apart soon. Slowly he picked it up glancing at Mark for any sign he didn’t want Jack to read it. But when his friend remained still he unfolded it and held his breath while he read the note. He blinked rapidly at the shaky words on the paper and fought a smile. Mark had to be serious but… Could he really be this lucky? How often did the person you were crushing on actually ask you out?! He found he didn’t have words for his joy so a small laugh burst from his mouth and he dropped the paper to hold Mark’s hands in his own. Bright shining blue eyes focused on Mark, crinkling at the corners as he grinned at him, small joyful sounds bubbling from him.

When Mark had heard the laugh he instantly started to panic he had stopped taking in the context and tone of what was happening around him and had been ready to bolt in that instant. If Jack’s hands hadn’t caught his own he may have ran then and there but like so many times before the Irishman was there to ground him and bring him out of the fear his own mind created as he forced himself to breath and relax at the smile Jack was giving him. There was still a small sense of panic there, Jack was such a sweet person who was to say if he was just trying to be sweet and let him down gently… All he could do was hope the panic didn’t show through too much.

Jack saw that flicker of panic and opened his mouth quickly, “Heck yeah, man! I- I mean-” he paused and giggled nervously, “So…. Should I order us a pizza? First date at home chillaxin' with pizza?” he gave Mark a pleading look, trying to beg him to stay.

The American slowly shook his head as he reluctantly pulled his hands from Jack’s, he didn’t know where to start as he chewed at his lip. _‘Your date choice sucks_.’ He gave a weak grin trying to convey he was more just joking around then meaning anything bad by it, he just didn’t know how he should be feeling it was overwhelming what was going through his mind and that was the best he could think of to start with. ‘ _Really though I think maybe we should actually try and go out to eat? I mean we can still have pizza tonight and save the actual date for the weekend_?’ He tried to think things through create a plan he could prepare for, something that didn’t have him jumping into an event that he wasn’t ready for and destroy the progress just made.

Jack snorted, “Alright! Man with the plan! I'll go summon a pizza!” he carefully got up still smiling. In the living room he ordered their pizza wondering what kind of date Mark was planning when he still had trouble relaxing in their own space, let alone in public.


	22. Can I kiss you?

Planning a date was disastrous, where to go and what to wear was hard enough as it was without even considering the added pressures and anxieties that Mark was usually struggled with day by day. Mark’s original thought had been going out to eat at a restaurant, he didn’t care which one just as long as it was a new setting that could be seen as special. As the date got closer though he was really regretting that decision, it had been one from more of his ‘romantic’ side getting caught up in the fact that Jack had said yes and wanting to impress him. Pizza really would have been best as it would have relieved a lot of the stress he felt now, but he couldn’t back out now no matter how much his body language probably said he wanted to.

 

Jack watched Mark try to set things up and wanted so much to help. But Mark was an adult and adults could set up their own dates. And adults could ask for help when they got in over their heads. But damn watching Mark stress himself into nearly dropping the whole plan was…. Disheartening. How would things go in their relationship if they couldn’t go out to eat? Had Mark even picked a restaurant yet? Jack found himself wanting to help Mark more than he wanted to Help Mark. But if he took over this to calm his- Oh God, his  _ boyfriend _ !- then he wouldn’t be helping Mark to get better at dealing with the world. So he did his best to quietly support him. Small touches and soft smiles, signed suggestions about time and level of classiness. 

 

The American appreciated any bit off help he could get as he watched Jack try and perfect a fluid motion with his signing, before finally settling on a more casual set of clothing to wear. Something he felt comfortable in to help keep him relaxed as he finalized which restaurant would be best and anxiously ask Jack if he thought the choice was good enough.

 

Jack found himself watching Mark’s hands and not paying as much attention to what Mark was trying to say as he should. He started guiltily when he noticed Mark was waiting for an answer. He checked the site Mark showed him. chewing the inside of this cheek he nodded, ‘ _ I don’t know it but it looks good.’  _ He smacked himself mentally. He had to remind himself to keep his focus. But he loved looking at Mark when he signed, he moved in a more expressive way than some speaking people he knew. It was like dancing. He had the sudden urge to kiss Mark and froze, staring at his boyfriend's mouth like an idiot.

 

Mark was one to easily pick up when someone wasn’t paying attention, he had been overlooked one too many times to know exactly what it looked like and was quick to start doubting his choices. He bit harshly into his lip before quickly going back to work busying himself with picking new clothes and a better restaurant, hoping to find something with a wow factor that would hold the Irishman’s attention seeing as Mark’s ideas must of just been so bland.

 

Jack saw how Mark seemed to retreat into his planning and frowned at the floor. He could be such an asshole sometimes. “Mark…” He started then paused when he heard how quiet he was. He hadn’t spoken that softly in a while, and his accent was a bit thicker. He glanced at Mark to see if he’d noticed how weird he sounded when he spoke normally he tried not to look as nervous as he felt. He was going to say this. He just.... Wasn’t used to speaking without his facade of ‘over the top yelling happy guy’.

 

The American looked at him like a deer in headlights completely freezing still, this is where it came wasn't it Jack realized he didn't want this and being the perfect guy he was didn't know how to back out! Was he too dressed up now?! Panicking too much that Jack realized he didn't want to be seen in public with someone like him?! Was he sweaty?! What did he do wrong??

 

Jack squeezed his eyes shut and scrubbed his face, “I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I….” he uncovered his face and gestured with his hand which turned into the sign for kissing without him even realizing it. “I just- I have trouble focusing but… I mean I got distracted cos I  _ love _ your hands and I….” He froze and covered his face again, “I got distracted cos you’re just so damn pretty and I love how your hands move. And I wanna kiss you. But I refuse to just grab you by the face and take it. That’s not okay. But I didn’t know how to ask! So I Just got lost in my head and…” His voice was still soft and lilty like it hadn’t been in years and he was worried Mark would suddenly tell him he sounded stupid. Call him a fake Irishman, tell him he had a voice like a little girl. Mark wouldn’t though…. Right?

 

The black haired male calmed down quickly at Jack's ramblings, cheeks tinting pink as he listened to exactly what was being said. If anything the quieter voice relaxed him quicker and helped push him forward to press a small kiss to Jack's cheek. It wasn't exactly what the Irishman had been talking about but considering it was him that took the first physical step Mark could only hope it was enough or urged Jack forward into giving an actual kiss so he didn't have to panic over making the move.

 

Jack slowly uncovered his face and turned wide hopeful eyes on Mark. A smile twitched his lips as he reached out slowly to cup Mark’s face with one hand. “I’m gunna take that as a ‘kiss me’ and go for it.” He all but whispered, leaning in so they were close enough their noses touched as he spoke. He pressed a gentle kiss to Mark’s mouth and slowly pulled back to look Mark over for any sign he wasn’t cool with this.

 

It was short and sweet, but effective in making Mark’s heart skip a beat and send that warm flair of endearment through him as he leaned in and nuzzled Jack’s hand. It was odd to think how long exactly it’s been since Mark had actually kissed anyone he had almost forgotten what exactly it felt like, belonging.

 

Jack smiled and swallowed a giggle, not wanting to confuse Mark. “Wanna do that again? Or should I let you focus?” He decided he should speak like this with Mark more often as he seemed to relax more when Jack was quieter. Damn did he want to kiss his boyfriend again! But he wasn’t going to push them too fast. Mark seemed… Not exactly new to this but… Maybe like he’d forgotten how to do the relationship dance. So Jack planned to just let Mark lead…. This could take a while.


	23. Did I really just say thank you for getting a kiss?

Mark probably took a lot longer to make a choice then he was comfortable with, staying there awkwardly for a moment as the gears in his head turned and his will kept his anxieties down in the pit of his stomach. Making choices wasn’t his strong suit, he didn’t want to come across as desperate and too eager what if that wasn’t what Jack wanted? What if this was all a test to see how worth it Mark actually was? God what if he sucked at the kiss and Jack was hoping giving him the choice would make him back off?! Did he try again, to wow him?? The black haired male had to take in a gasp forgetting in that moment to breath, it helped will his fears down once more giving him the strength to lean in and slowly take another kiss, letting his lips linger slightly before moving away completely and signing that he would go back to work now and an extremely awkward ‘thank you’ that he felt like slapping himself over. Did he really just say thank you for getting a kiss?!

 

Jack made a small sound of disappointment as Mark pulled away and said thanks. “Am I that bad? Damn. I'm sorry.” he spoke softly wondering if maybe Mark didn't actually like him. Maybe he felt like Jack was his only chance since he had accepted him. He didn't want that. He’d rather they went back to friends with Jack as the lovelorn fool.

 

Mark looked confused shaking his head with a frown. ‘ _ what are you crazy that's the best kiss I've had in years. I thought you wanted me to continue getting ready for our date…. Was I wrong?’ _ He fumbled a bit at the end hands getting slightly shaky from the embarrassment of how open he had be about that and fears on being wrong about things and feeling stupid.

 

Jack chewed the inside of his cheek before he stepped into Mark's space and murmured, “I don't think we should dance around this….. Us. Do you want to kiss me more? Because I have been thinking about kissing you for a long time. Ever since you told me you are the king of the squirrels.” Jack keep inching closer, hands sliding into Mark's hair, lips brushing Mark's as he spoke. “So can I kiss you again?”

 

The Americans eyes widened at hearing that he couldn't stop the smile that crossed his lips or his arms looping around the back of Jack's neck as he crashed their lips together that was only broken for a moment for an audible laugh.

 

Jack fell into the kiss, loving the tingle he got where they touched. His hands slid down Mark's back as he deepened the kiss and rocked slightly. A needy sound escaped Jack and he grabbed handfuls of Mark's backside and rocked against his hips. 

 

The action was definitely something Mark hadn’t expected from a first kiss as the small gasp and pleased sound that escaped him had been too sudden to stifle. He pulled himself away from the kiss after that torn between the embarrassment over making such a horrifying noise and the feelings that came with exactly ‘how’ Jack had gotten that sound from him. He chewed at his lip face rather red as he willed himself to stay calm as he removed himself from this situation. The black haired male pressed one final kiss to Jack’s lips to say it wasn’t him, and tried to reinforce that everything was fine with a small joke over ‘at least buy him dinner first’ before going back to the original task of actually getting ready for the date. Fond smile now gracing his face alone with the blush, as he found the thoughts he had towards his own sounds had quickly been pushed down and out of reach of his usual anxieties in favour of thinking of Jack.

 

Sighing shakily Jack smiled back at Mark and whispered a low “Sorry. Too far too fast.” He closed his eyes and licked his lips. Smiling at Mark he added, “That was exactly what I was trying not to do. Trying not to push you. That’s why I was asking what you wanted. I just… I want you. And it’s been so long and I-” He paused to consider how long he’d been hopelessly head over heels for his roommate. “I’ve loved you for about… Well we’ve known each other around seven months now, so yeah bout six months or so.” He didn’t mention how much hearing Mark’s small sounds affected him, because that wasn’t what Mark wanted to hear.

 

The American  froze once more slowly moving to question just how long ‘ _ six months?’  _ how had he missed that?! He didn't know what to say how to take in that information, Why’d Jack stay so quiet? He hardly seemed like the kind of person to shy away from telling someone how he felt…. Not that he would have accepted being asked out back then… did he know that? Did Tyler tell him? This raised too many questions. 

 

Jack winced at the look on Mark's face. “Yes.” he took a slow deep breath to stay calm, “I just…. I didn't want to scare you off. And if it meant I was just going to be your friend forever I could handle that. Because at least I would still be near you. I mean if you wanted to stop trying this I'd be sad but as long as I could be your friend…. I could go back to silence…. I'd still want to kiss you though.” he stopped rambling but covering his own mouth with his hand and closing his eyes. He wasn't sure he could actually handle Mark dropping him. What if Mark wanted to stop this? He couldn't look. He kept his eyes closed and tried to keep breathing.

 

Mark frowned Jack was crazy to think he'd want to drop things just like that especially after all the stress he put himself in to even ask but with the others eyes closed Mark might as well of not existed at all. He gave an inaudible sigh whatever he was wearing was good enough for a date they'd go to the regular place on campus as it was close and affordable and he would move to comfort Jack. He pulled Jack into the hug he looked like he needed so badly and rub his back as he waited for the Irishman to pay attention to his existence again.

 

When he felt like he could breathe again Jack opened his eyes and blinked rapidly to clear up the tears that threatened to fall.  _ ‘Sorry.’  _ He signed as he wiped at his eyes, he didn’t feel like talking. He’d really fucked this up in record time. Mark probably he was weird now. He would speak up but he didn’t want to hear all the times he’d been mocked for it in his head. He blinked and looked up at Mark quickly signing, ‘ _ I think I have a vague understanding of why you don’t talk.’ _

  
Mark watched Jack's expression a feeling of dread pooling inside him as he realizes this was really the first time he had ever seen Jack as less than stable a crack in what he had viewed as perfect and untouchable for so long. His blood ran cold to think Jack might ever want to go through the hell that came with being too scared to speak. He didn't know what to do passed shake his head he didn't want to for one second let go of his roommate... boyfriend to say what was on his mind in fear that in this moment Jack would just crumbled away. He found his mouth opening half hoping he could get out a sound anything to show he had more to say as Mark like so many times before choked on the word pulled Jack tightly against him once more. ' _ Don't stop too. Say something. I want to hear you. Please.... say something _ .' His brain screamed in the silence.


	24. Wanna guess the best part of my day?

Jack sniffled at the desperation on Mark’s face and he sighed, “I don’t want to talk but I seem to be freaking you out. But I just want to stop talking. That’s why I shout you know.” He tucked his face into Mark’s neck and hugged him close. Mark wasn’t mad at him if he was that worried. “I’ve changed myself so people don’t complain about shit. Like how my hair is greying? Green. I sound like a little girl with a fake Irish accent? Shouting and lightening my accent. But I get tired of shouting. Don’t you ever want to scream?” He felt exhausted from being emotional. “I really want to kiss you some more…. And I promise to keep it chaste…. Or at least I’ll keep my hands away from places they shouldn’t wander.” He leaned back to see Mark’s response too overwhelmed to be nervous, he just felt dumb and heavy and sleepy.

 

Mark’s heart stopped to hear that. He had never stopped to question the whys of Jack's loud nature it certainly hadn't been a thought in his head that Jack might have gone through anything similar to him. He had to pull away taking a step back he had to say something, but what? His brain was going a million miles a minute as thought after thought raced through his head. How did they end up on such different ends of the spectrum? How could anyone hate Jack's voice soft or otherwise it was perfect he had always been so jealous of it. When Jack's accent was thick it was always the American’s favourite time he loved hearing the way he spoke. What if he did stop what would happen talking seemed to be such a huge part of who Jack was. What if.... what if that's really the only reason Jack sees Mark as anyone he could be with?! They both saw each other as something they wanted to be.... minutes passed like hours before Mark realized he hadn't made a single move to sign anything and shakily moved to say something anything. ' _People are dumb your voice is the best part of my day._ ' Anxieties and fear piled up from the last thought in his head but he didn't let it out there into the real world. Though part of him wondered if he had been so off base with why Jack was the way he was what history had Jack pieced together for him to fill in all the blanks Mark never answered.

 

Jack watched Mark’s face shift as he stepped away from him. Mark looked like he might almost be mad…. But it was hard to tell. Jack didn’t look away from his roommate as thought. He wondered, not for the first time, if he should have just kept his mouth shut. Then Mark slowly signed a response. Jack smiled at Mark and sat on the edge of his bed, “You know what they best part of my day is? When you come back at around 8:13. And I may not be allowed to hear your voice but your hands are kinda like your voice and I fucking _love_ your hands.” He sighed then froze. “Oh. Oh dude I have an idea!” He was suddenly energized by his idea. He rummaged through his tech bin and dug out a set of grey headphones. “There you are! Here! Put these on quick!”

 

Mark looked confused at that hesitated to take the headphones, not really knowing what to think anymore every time his head decided it knew what it wanted to feel Jack was there to sooth and turn it back around, and he slowly moved to put the object on.

 

Once Mark had the headphones on Jack whooped loudly, grinning when he knew Mark wouldn’t hear anything but the faintest of sounds. He lifted Mark’s hand to his throat so Mark would know he was really talking and spoke and signed out, ‘ _Let me know if you can hear me.’_

 

The American shook his head slowly not really knowing what Jack was getting at here. He just finished saying he liked Jack’s voice and the other’s response was to put himself on mute?? He frowned, not at all understanding what Jack was trying to pull.

 

Jack giggled in excitement it was possible this wouldn’t even work. ‘ _I’ve done this before so I know what I’m talking about.’_ He paused for less than a second to consider if this was a good idea, then continued on. ‘ _Okay you know how it sounds when you rest your head on someone while they talk? That’s what you hear if you talk while wearing there. Just that-’_ he tried to remember the sign and couldn’t. He spelled it out. ‘ _R.U.M.B.L.E. This way…. Maybe you can practice? Talking? I don’t have to be here if you don’t want me to be. But… I think your voice needs to be warmed up… Kind of a lot because you don’t use it. So when you do use it, it won’t be physically painful.’_ He covered his mouth to wait for Mark’s response. He’d signed a bit faster than he was used to so he wouldn’t be interrupted and he was sure he’d stuttered or said the wrong word a time or two but he was excited and hopeful.

 

Mark’s eyes widened as he made out what he could from Jack and nodded along. It made sense but… He wasn’t sure just how ready he was for that certainly not at this exact moment. So he signed the only thing he could think of before moving to take off the headphones. ‘ _It sounds reasonable… but not right now. We are supposed to go out on a date remember?’_ He felt a little bad half of it was more of an excuse than anything else but all he could do was hope Jack didn’t realise that.

 

Jack gnawed at his lip and studied his boyfriend for a moment. _‘One word. Just one. Please?’_ He knew he might be pushing his luck and Mark might just collapse into a sobbing heap of stress any second now, but he also knew it was his own plan to be firm with Mark and not let him get away with giving up. So he crossed his arms and waited.

 

Mark looked like a deer caught in headlights, panicking internally before slowly raising to put the headphones back on. His eyes stayed glued to Jack, he didn’t know what to say he didnt _want_ to say anything it was too soon he wasn’t ready Jack was RIGHT THERE! He couldn’t do it. It all crashed together in one overwhelming response of NO. and that was the word he chose to try opening and closing his mouth several times silently testing and psyching himself up to making a sound. Then he tried only to stop and freeze in horror at the first sound to crack in his throat before squeezing his eyes  closed and shaking his head almost violently jostling the headphones off himself once more. _No no no no no no NONONO!_

 

Jack held Mark close and made soothing sounds as he rubbed his back, “Okay. It’s okay. I’m sorry. You said not now. I’m sorry.” He murmured into Mark’s hair as he kept Mark still in his hold. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You don’t have to talk. Just breathe, and focus on something good. Like- Puppies seeing snow for the first time. Or when Wade sneezed so hard he farted and peed his pants. Remember that?” He hoped he hadn’t pushed too far. Mark had just wanted a nice date. And Jack was fucking up all Mark’s plans.

 

Mark gave a shaky exhale, the closest he could get himself to a laugh as he buried himself against Jack listening to every sound the other made. He made it look so easy and here Mark was freaking out over a sound he didn't even hear. It took a little while but with Jack's coxing and his own head reciting that he was fine he slowly felt good enough to pull away from his boyfriend and give a weak smile trying to convey he was okay enough now..

 

Jack sighed, ‘ _I just keep making this day worse, don’t I? You worked hard to make this a nice day and I’m ruining it.’_ He shook head and ruffled his green hair until it stood up then he looked Mark in the eye with a very serious expression, “I’m an idiot.” He decided he’d stay relatively quiet and let Mark lead, the rest of the night.

 

Mark shook his head. _‘No you're not you did exactly what I had asked you to do. It’s not your fault I can't even take a small step like a sad little baby man.’_ He responded quickly though didn’t linger on the subject too long in case it came back to bite him. _‘Look why don’t we just head out now…? I'm ready to go when you are.’_

 

Jack huffed and rolled his eyes, ‘ _You aren’t a baby. If you were I’d make you call me Daddy.’_ He had no intention of telling Mark where he’d learned to sign that. He knew, so, so much more than Mark thought. But for now he just set the headphones on his desk and stepped into his shoes with a small smile. He glanced over his shoulder at Mark with a giggle, ‘ _Lead the way my prince!’_

 


	25. How do we start?

The restaurant was busy to say the least as people chatted loudly making Mark pale in an instant. He didn't back down though determined to go through with this all as he went and sat himself at the first empty table he could find. His leg jittered hands staying firmly clasped in his lap as he stared down at the table trying to make the room around him disappear.

 

Jack followed Mark to the table and sat across from him. Mark was doing pretty dang good at keeping it together but he wasn’t exactly relaxed. Jack rested his hand palm up on the table as close to Mark as he could reach a clear invitation to hold hands. Jack hoped it could be comforting to his boyfriend. But he’d messed up quite a bit today with good intentions so…. His mouth twitched into a wry humorless smile as he had another idea that would surely be as terrible as the others. He said nothing, waiting for Mark to realize he was holding out his hand. 

 

The American at first seemed too preoccupied with fiddling with his own hands at first not recognizing that Jack had even moved anything close to him at all. It wasn’t until the he noticed the other retreating did he make a snatch for the others hand, cheeks going red at how haisty his actions had been right then.

 

Jack smiled warmly at Mark. He rubbed the back of Mark’s hand with his thumb and licked his lips, “You’re okay, dude. No one here gives a shit about what we sound like. They’re dealing with their own shit. Like… Imagine… those two-” he subtly gestured to a couple. Jack quietly narrated. “Imagine they’re here on their first date. And they don’t know what to talk about. So they’re both worried. That lady? What if she just found out her husband is cheating on her with her son’s teacher.” Jack turned bright eyes back to Mark and smiled gently, “Everyone here has their own shit. They aren’t worrying about us. Okay? Now… Do you know what you want? Can you point it out for the waitress or should I?” He kept rubbing Mark’s hand with his thumb.

 

Mark gave a weak smile it was a nice thought, but it kind of made the Americans brain linger on the 'what ifs' of it all. What if Jack was right about them? What if Jack just had a 6th sense about it all and about him???! Or what if one of these people were making up terrible things about him or Jack?! Mark took in a breath he couldn't really respond at all with his one hand tightly clasped to Jack's but he wanted to try ordering again maybe it was a poor idea for a first date but seeing how things had been going all day he somehow didn't think Jack would mind too much if he tried pushing himself once more.

 

Jack found that despite his efforts to calm Mark he just tensed up and signed nothing. Everything he said or did seemed to mess something up today. He sighed and glanced over the menu, he already knew he was getting pancakes, but he planned to order like Mark had been practicing. Point and smile. But maybe that would annoy Mark. He didn’t know what he was doing today proved that. He opened his mouth and felt his vocal chords tense for shouting. He froze. He didn’t need to shout. Really. He could just…. Talk to Mark. Like a normal person. No one else would hear him, he could speak to Mark and no one would say anything. Like he told Mark, everyone has their own shit. “So since this is our first date should we talk like strangers trying to get to know each other?”

 

The American gave a weak nod at that, it sounded nice, cute almost though he didn’t really know what they would talk about exactly he knew pretty much everything about Jack at this point didn’t he? The man was an open book…. Mark slowly pulled his hand away from his boyfriend and shyly asked ‘ _ How do we start? I’ve never dated a stranger before.’ _

  
Blinking at that new information Jack smiled and decided he would sign as well as talk since he still had a bad idea in his head. “Hello. My name is Jack. It’s nice to meet you. I like pizza and dogs. My favorite color is red.” he felt like a little bit of a weirdo for this but it made him smile and Mark would probably go one of two ways here. Serious responses or that weird response thing like in those silly dating games.


	26. Is this what people do on first dates?

Mark raised an eyebrow at that, he knew all this information, but he guessed if this was what a  **first** date it did so he guessed it made sense to so he did what he considered the best option as a grin slowly tugged at his lips and he signed ‘ _ You don’t look like your profile picture.’ _

 

Jack laughed at that. Head thrown back eyes squeezed shut. He knew the answer could be a silly one but that was not what he was expecting. “Oh well that’s not very nice!” he stuck out his tongue, still giggling. “I take it you’re Mark? If you aren’t you should run my date Mark will be here soon.”

 

The American gave a silent laugh in return before shaking his head ‘ _ no I’m not, but I trust me baby I’m much better.’  _ Mark wiggled his eyebrows a little and made a face with his chin pressed to his neck, clearly taking this down the same road he did in video games.

 

Jack couldn’t help giggling and covering his face before he took a deep breath and cleared his throat, “Alright then, I guess I’m dating you now. You wanna give me your name or shall I just call you…. Tall dark and handsome?” He giggled again.

 

Mark broke character for one moment to sign something else ‘ _ aren’t we the same height? I’d hardly call us tall.’   _ He raised an eyebrow and looked Jack over, yes he was quite sure they were eye level to each other. ‘ _ So I guess you will just have to to call me handsome… or Dark.’ _

 

Jack waved dismissively, “Nah. I’m perfectly average in Ireland! 5’9” all the way! But you- are an inch shorter than the American average. So I’m normal. You’re short.” He bit his lips hoping Mark would keep rolling with the jokes. “So! Dark. What do you do for fun?”

 

It was Mark’s turn to make a face at the other he was half tempted to say he was rather on the tall side of his family but held back in favour of his answer to Jack’s next question. “ _ Clearly it’s stealing first dates from late fools.’ _

 

Jack raised his eyebrows, “First dates plural? Oh so I’m not the only stolen goods you’ve take hmmm?” He smirked silently wondering if Mark would be okay when their waitress walked over.

 

Mark though was too lost in this little game he was playing with Jack he actually forgot there was a world outside of the man he was focused on amusing. ‘ _ of course not. But you are by far the prettiest.’  _

 

Jack blushed hotly and covered his mouth. He and Mark had been exchanging compliments but this was new. Mark hadn’t really called him attractive before. A few ‘cute’ comments and praising his eyes and voice but that wasn’t the same. It was nice but this was different and it made his face hurt from smiling too much. His chest felt tight as he smiled at Mark dropping his hand from his mouth as both a sign and an excuse to smile at Mark. “Thank you.” He realised he was speaking almost at his Alone-with-Mark-Volume and cleared his throat, “You’re pretty damn amazing yourself, Dark. Am I pretty enough to stop you from collecting more first dates? I’m sure we could rack up a few dates of new numbers. Second, third, fourth, who knows maybe we can set a record!”

 

Mark didn't miss a beat and now with a completely straight face he replied ‘ _ I don't know. Will you live past the first date?’ _

 

Jack’s mouth was quirked into a smile as his mind shrieked NO YOU’LL BE THE DEATH OF ME! He looked around in mock worry, “Oh no, am I on a date will a crazed butt stabber?!”

 

Mark had to grin at that he was half tempted to nod right then and there but held back and continued ‘ _ I’d hardly call myself crazy. Or say I only go after butts.’ _

 

Jack snorted, “Oh yeah? Well hey as long as we’re eating out let’s go back to my place after this. I’m sure my roommate won’t mind.”

 

‘ _ Does that mean you want to be my desert?’  _

 

Jack’s heart was in his throat. Was Mark serious? No this was a game. One Jack had started. But Mark played gay chicken with his friends often enough that Jack could shrug off his hope easily. Mark was on a date with him for Pete’s sake! So he made a dramatic sexy face and responded, “You’ve never had anything  _ this _ sweet, big boy.”

 

Mark gave an inaudible snicker at that, he could believe that for the most part, he certainly was being quite sweet now… ish he definitely knew Jack had a streak through him that was anything but sweet.  _ 'Oh? You're sweet are you? That's not the story I've been hearing around, Daddy.' _ He looked Jack dead in the eye as he signed that watching how the other reacted. Mark never lost a game of gay chicken against his boyfriend or otherwise!

 

Oh. Oh that’s how this was gunna be played? Game on. Jack leaned back in his seat and smirked, “Oh baby boy, you don’t even know what you’ve started.” Jack purred pitching his voice low and licking his lips. He and Mark had never actually played gay chicken alone. Jack hadn’t lost a one on one gay chicken before. He’d taken it far enough that he had a dick in his butt before. He was confident. “So… Baby, how well do you know Mark?”

 

In all truth Mark really didn't remember where he was at at all, he felt calm and safe with his attention on Jack and as long as no one pulled him from that reality he was not backing down ' _ I may have seen him naked once or twice. Da-ddy.' _

 

Jack snorted, “Well I’ve seen him naked more than that! Boy’s not body shy and he has no reason to be. Mmmmmm! Lickable!” he paused to laugh at himself before continuing, “I was wondering… What did he mean by saying he’s never dated a stranger?”

 

Mark raised an eyebrow he thought that was kind of obvious. ‘ _ You mean past the inability to actually interact with strangers? He’s demisexual. You know what that is?’  _ he tilted his head actually wanting to make sure that was a term his boyfriend knew especially since he was now selectively spelling out words he thought Jack wouldn’t know the signs to..

 

Jack blinked as he thought about it for a minute, “Demi? Ummm You have to know and like someone before you can love someone?” He kinda felt like an idiot for not knowing but hid that under his confusion.

 

_ ‘Close, he doesn’t feel sexual attraction unless there is a strong emotional connection.’ _ Mark mused slightly over how he referred to himself as he watched Jack’s expression to see if anything was lost in translation. ‘ _ So that mean even if he wanted to talk to a stranger there is no drive there to want to be anything more than friends. And when he does feel that attraction it’s already guaranteed that emotionally he feels strongly about them.’ _

 

Jack felt a bit of guilt cycle back from that one night…. And today when he grabbed Mark’s ass. Damn. He was kind of an asshole. “Oh. I’m sorry I am so….” he paused to think of the sign then shook his head, “I’m an asshole.” He paused and felt his face heat at the realization of what Mark said. “So… So you really really like me. Oh that’s good.” Then he smacked himself, “Him. Him. I meant  _ he _ really likes me. I haven’t even asked  _ you _ , Dark. I’m sorry. You two just look so alike!”

 

Mark gave a small snort barely heard but still audible to Jack.  _ 'Does that mean you find me lickable daddy? _ ' he joked once more before jumping right into an actual question he didn't know  _ 'I think it's time you answered me one though. Are you Gay?' _ The American didn't even think about if Jack actually knew the translation for the word Gay or not he didn't even spell it out like he had been for words he was unsure if Jack knew, he had been trying to keep the character going and just jumped into the bluntest thing he could think of.

 

“So lickable.” Jack breathed before he tried to figure out the sign. It took him a minute before he remembered it. “Oh! Am I gay? No.” he considered leaving it there but he didn't want Mark's brain to implode. “I'm actually pansexual. A…. A pan fried potato. Do you know what pansexuality is?”

 

Mark knew a fair bit of terms thanks to a trip through google with Bob but it did not stop him from putting on the most serious face he could and responding  ‘ _ You like to get kinky with food.’ _

 

Jack knew it was a joke response so he rolled with it. “Yeah I cut holes in pizzas and fuck them. Did you like all that delivery I got us?” the sound of a throat clearing made him look up quickly. Into the eyes of their waitress and a classmate of his, Morgan. 

 

“I take it you want the ‘personal pan pizza’?” she smirked down at him.

 

Jack snorted, inside he was dying of embarrassment. Outside he shook his head, “Pancakes for me thanks. Also I don't like what you're insinuating about the size of my dick. I fuck pizzas not snack food.” If she had been a stranger he wouldn't have dared. But he’d spoken to her about starting a band once or twice. And that shit wasn't a joke.

 

Mark's amused expression had dissolved into a mix of realization and embarrassment, his entire posture seeming to implode in on himself as he tried to make himself smaller and unnoticed but even then he was doing a lot better than he could have he hadn't exactly panicked and he was still in his seat so... He was fine right even fine enough to meekly add in his own two cents ‘ _ you sure about that? I heard it was a choking hazard, you know what they say don’t put small things in mouths, daddy’  _ He only managed to sign anything at all by holding onto the few strings he had left from when he was playing that character and the knowledge that ASL wasn’t something commonly known especially to the extent Mark was using it.

  
Jack smiled at Mark gently and signed ‘ _ what would you like Mark? _ ’ he was impressed that Mark was so calm. Could he be more confident? Yeah. But this was good. He quickly added ‘ _ I love you _ .’


	27. Maybe we should have said this sooner?

Mark stammered at that instantly going bright red and avoiding eye contact with the Irishman. His heart had skipped a beat at that and he forgot what he had even wanted did he even look in the first place? Jack loved him on the first date? Did he know what he signed? Was that part of the game? If so Mark had so just lost, give Jack the crown because Mark's heart had just exploded he all but swooned to hear that and he was done.

 

Jack noticed Mark’s reaction and bit his lip. Shit. He’s said it without thinking. Now what did he do. The waitress glanced between them, “Is he okay?”  Jack considered the question. “I just told him I loved him for the first time.” She made an understanding face. “Should I get you two some bread and come back for your orders?” Jack nodded, eyes locked on Mark.

 

Mark fidgeted with his hands trying to figure out what to say next what had been Jack's aim in saying it? What was the right response? If it was a joke and he said it back Jack would think he's desperate.. or playing… if he said nothing though and Jack means it he will hurt him for not saying his feelings back or… or what if Jack is catching on right now that he was head over feet and is joking?!

 

“Mark. Hey. I’m sorry if that was too sudden for you. I-” He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’ve loved you for months now. I’m sorry I just sprung that on you, that wasn’t fair. I forgot that I hadn’t ever said it out loud or in so many words. If you are mad at me or something I’ll go. But I-” He swallowed the lump in his throat, “I mean it. I do love you. I just…. Should have said it sooner maybe?” 

 

Mark forced in a loud breath looking up to meet Jack's eyes, he felt as if there were stars in them could Jack see that? Happy, he felt happy he didn't know how Jack  always seemed to know what to say  to make things right again ‘ _ I love you too… ‘  _ he was going to add more but really he didn't think Jack would want a rundown of every negative and panicked thought that entered his head every time someone paused.

 

Jack smiled and relaxed a little. “Okay, good. Then we’re in the same boat.” He giggled as his nerves caught up to him. “So… do you know what you want to eat?”

 

Mark thought about it for a moment pasta… hands down that was his choice even without even really needing that second to think. Now it was just a matter of getting that out there… he'd probably really impress Jack if he did it himself but if he messed up what was he going to do make the waitress leave again? That always made him feel bad...

 

Jack watched the wheels turn in Mark’s head and sighed silently. He looked like he was plotting some big thing, not ordering dinner. It was adorable. His heart squeezed and he made a small sound in the back of his throat that might have come out as a coo if he’d let it. 

 

The American started searching his pockets looking for a paper and something to write with, did he bring anything? It didn't really look like it  so that limited his choices made any option he had more of an interaction… maybe he should just tell Jack would he order for him if he asked? Or was this a challenge just as much as a date? With each passing thought it seemed like the road to ordering food was getting steeper he didn't know what would work. He looked at Jack to panic then a thought hit him… he was fine when playing being a character in a game what if he did that now too it probably wouldn't be as easy as it was with Jack but… it was a chance right? A quick solution till he could do it on his own. He repeated the actions to was going to do in his head. Smile. Point. Nod. That was it that was all he needed. Smile. Point. Nod. Smile. Point… Nod.

 

Watching Mark think was so damn stressful. He wanted to make it easier for Mark to be in his own head. He just didn’t know how. He waited to see if Mark would tell him what he wanted, but then he saw Morgan coming back with a basket of bread. Well… If he need to order without know what Mark wanted he would but he knew Mark hated that. He glanced over the menu, Mark usually got pasta, waffles or a salad…. He just had to on the spot try to figure out which one he wanted today. The bread was set on the table and Morgan looked to Jack first, “Pancakes, sir?” He snorted, “You read my mind!” Then they both looked to Mark. 

 

Mark sank down a small bit when the two looked at him he really wished they wouldn't do that it interrupted everything he was telling himself but he tried still to put on a brave face the shakiest smile he could muster and trembled as he pointed to something. He felt like he was going to die as he stayed there frozen.

 

Jack watched as Mark managed to point to the menu and attempt a smile. He was proud of Mark’s attempt, weak as it may be. He was getting better. But the look on Mark’s face still made him sign, ‘ _ Are you okay?’ _

 

Mark was slow to respond eyes staying fixed on the same spot he messed it up it was so simple and he messed it up he missed what Jack had tried to ask him as he was doing all he could from spiraling down again.

 

Jack pursed his lips and huffed at Mark giving up. He turned to Morgan and ordered for him, “He’ll have pasta.” Once she had finished giving Jack an odd look and walked away he sighed, “Mark.” He stole Mark’s hands holding them both and squeezing them lightly.  _ “Mark _ .” He insisted.

 

The American turned his gaze to Jack slowly focusing on him and squeezing his hands tightly he half opened his mouth as if to apologize but no sound came out.  Mark actually couldn’t place what had just happened had he did it? Did he actually get his order through to the lady or was she going to come back for another attempt? Jack was holding his hand was that for comfort or congratulations? He didn’t know and honestly he was starting to feel like he would rather get out of here then find out what it was.

 

Jack didn’t say anything. He’d figured out that him saying things was bad. At least today it was. So he just looked over Mark’s face and kept smiling. He was glad he was now allowed to stare at Mark like this. They weren’t just friends. They were dating and they’d both said they loved each other. He found that he really wanted to kiss Mark again. He wanted to curl up with him someplace comfy and kiss him like he’d been dreaming of. He realized he was staring at Mark’s mouth and cleared his throat. He looked down at their hands face heating in a way that he knew meant is pale skin was stained red.

 

The silence between the two of them did nothing for Mark's nerves and he soon found himself Jittering his eye's darting at what now seemed the overwhelmingly loud restaurant . He... He wanted to leave, Jack looked red was he embarrassed at how much Mark was now freaking out? Was it very obvious to see?! should he ask to go? Save them both from further destruction in this horribly public environment? Mark Tugged on the Irishman's hands, he had been attempting to pull away to say something but he couldn't bring himself to let go of Jack. With the dread and panic pooling inside him he half felt if he dared let go of his boyfriend he might just bolt again… No one needed that...

 

Jack frowned when Mark tried to pull his hands away. He held his hands tighter, “Mark? Hey.  Look at me a sec.” he tried to get Mark’s attention since that seemed to be the best way to calm him. “What’s going on in that head of yours, hmmm?”

  
  


Mark glanced down at their hands and frowned, was that a rhetorical question and a hint that Jack had known he had just thought of running... because if so he had a few words he wanted to say… with his trapped hands! He looked up at Jack expectantly  eyebrow raised as if to ask if Jack was going to keep asking him questions or did he actually want this one answered. … could he even convey all that in a look?

 

When Mark didn’t answer Jack got up not letting go of one of Mark’s hands, moving over to he could sit next to Mark, “You can talk now.’” He said, letting go of Mark’s hand. Looking up he got lost in Mark’s eyes for a moment.

 

‘ _ what did you want me to say…. What's in my head?’  _ Mark signed slowly watching Jack making sure he was paying attention to the right places.

 

Jack shrugged, “I don’t expect anything really. Just wanted you to snap out of whatever was making you make that face.” He sighed. And I wanted to distract myself from your mouth. He blushed at his own thoughts but kept his eyes on Mark since he seemed unnerved now. 

 

Mark frowned lightly, he guessed he couldn't blame Jack with his track record who would actually trust Mark to stay, he might as well confirm it though. ‘ _ I want to leave… maybe not go home just not.. here… its.’  _ He slowly set his hands down not finishing his thought he was a terrible date… he definitely didn't deserve someone like Jack he was so perfect. Mark squirmed closer, his chest hurt from the thoughts in his head and almost as if his instincts wanted to torture him over it he found himself burying against his boyfriend's shoulder.

 

Jack smiled softly as Mark cuddled up to him. He was amazed this public display of affection but now he had a task. He caught Morgan’s eye and when she got close enough he smiled weakly, “I know this is an annoying request but my boyfriend is feeling a little sick, so instead of eating here we’ll take our food to go if that’s alright?” She nodded and walked back to the kitchen. Jack sighed and stroked Mark’s messy black hair, “Wanna eat at the park where I got hit in the face with a frisbee?”

 

Mark nodded slowly that sounded better than here in fact Jack's description actually tugged at at the corner of his lips. ‘ _ Can I wait outside? I Have some cash for the food I could give you?’  _ he added slowly though he was sure Jack knew that. Seeing as Mark always kept cash on hand in case he ran his friends could still pay.

 

“I’ve got this one. You can go wait outside if you like.” He spoke softly before kissing the top of Mark’s head and letting go of him, “I’ll be out in a minute.” 

 

The black haired male nodded then moved to retreat. he hesitated for one moment pressing a small kiss to Jack's cheek as well before quickly rushing away and out of the building.


	28. Wanna just cuddle?

Over the next couple days Mark kissed him rarely. He acted shyer than he had since they first met and Jack had to wonder if this was that one step forward two steps back sort of thing. They knew how they felt but they expressed themselves a bit less. They still cuddled up and held hands more than before but… There was a nervous energy that seemed to keep them from looking at each other for too long. It was driving Jack insane.

 

And then there was the absolute joy, and but joy he meant suffering, that was an idiot classmate of his. One that sat to his right in Music Theory. He really should have expected people to be weird about the way he spoke around Mark. But when he and Mark went and got coffee one morning the idiot, Chip, was in line behind them. 

 

Mark had a small smile on his face it didn't stop his eyes from occasionally darting around to make sure he was fine but for the most part he was relaxed in his routine around Jack. 

 

Jack smiled at the barista who gave him a high five as he said, “The usual, thanks.” he moved to pay and Chip’s hand came down on his shoulder. Jack froze, he knew what would come next. “What’s wrong with your voice?” Chip asked loud enough to get a few people looking at them to see what was going on. Jack handed the barista the cash and let out a quick breath, “What’s wrong with your face, Chip?” Chip shrugged, “You sound girly. And drunk.” Jack glared at him, insides feeling squirmy and cold. He wanted to be loud again, but now it would look like he was starting a fight. “I’m tired, and I’m Irish. I have an accent. Go away.” He held Mark’s hand and tried to walk away but Chip got out of line to follow them. “No you sound wrong.” This was not what he wanted to deal with but Chip continued, “Is your voice weird because you’ve been sucking his dick?” Jack’s face heated and he decided it was time to be loud, “Fuck off, Chip! You’re being rude and I don’t wanna deal with you!” The whole room froze at his volume.

 

When the situation started Mark had flinched away from what was being said it had brought terrible memories that then cycled through his head hitting him like a freight train he vaguely registered that he was being led away but it wasn't until Jack snapped at the man did Mark come back to the situation acting on impulse alone he did something he knew was the best way to make some stop speaking..... he punched Chip in the face full force body trembled harshly as he watched the man get knocked back.

 

Jack blinked as Chip’s nose bled and he looked at Mark with surprise. Jack slowly turned his head to look at Mark who seemed to be freaking out despite having made Chip back off. He looked back to Chip and cleared his throat, voice soft again. “Leave us alone, Chip.” Chip glanced between them and got to his feet stepping back quickly before leaving. Jack kept his grip on Mark’s hand for his own sanity as well as to try and keep his boyfriend grounded. Someone cleared their throat and Jack spun to see who. Their barista, Jen smirked at them, “That was fun. You two have a nice day. Oh and now I have reason to ban that douche.” Jack smiled weakly and inclined his head as he took the coffee tray holding their drinks. “Thank you.” He looked at Mark and gently pulled him toward the door, “Come on, Mark.”

 

Mark moved numbly he didn't know what he should feel he felt absolutely sick to his stomach both for what was said and for his violent reaction. Was Jack going to be mad at him for it for freaking out in more ways than one over something that hadn't been directed at him? Was he scared Mark could get violent? Had he just ruined everything??

 

Jack wrapped his arm around Mark’s waist as they walked back to their room. He was still shaking slightly and wanted to be loud but he continued talking in his normal voice. He talked about a movie one of his classmates wanted to make, and about some interesting music history he’d read. By the time they’d gotten back to their room he’d run out of things to say. Mark still hadn’t even signed anything and looked nervous. “Thank you for earlier. I… I didn’t know what else to do.” He whispered and leaned in to kiss Mark softly.

 

Mark looked a little shocked at first but slowly kissed back relaxing slightly at that. ' _ You're not upset?' _ He signed once moving away wanting make sure he had understood that right. _ 'I attacked someone and just completely froze up before that we were still in line last I remember recognized then the ally.... then I was punching some stranger in the face.' _ Mark looked away guiltily.

 

Jack raised his eyebrows, “Yeah. I’m upset that people are shitheads. I’m upset that someone was so horrible you had to punch them. But I’m not mad at you. I’m-” He bit back the information that he found Mark stepping up for him hot as hell. “I’m proud to being dating such a sweet guy.” He looked Mark over for a second then asked, “What were you saying about an alley?” 

 

Mark shook his head he hadn't meant to say that at all.. ‘ _ Sorry it's nothing, just a thought I had…’ _ the black haired male chewed at his lip and just tried to snuggle in closer in a half hearted attempt to make Jack forget he signed it at all.

 

Jack sighed in disappointment. That had seemed like he was going to learn something about Mark’s past. Which would have been nice. Oh well. He kept his hold and Mark and walked him backward to Mark’s bed, “Wanna just cuddle for a bit?” He asked after tipping them over so they lay side by side on the bed. Their coffee would get cold but he just wanted to be close to Mark right now.

 

Mark heard the sigh and instantly felt guilty of course he was disappointing he couldn't even tell Jack a little about himself... he... He was basically a stranger to Jack... He curled in close to Jack and closed his eyes trying to seem like he was just relaxing despite the whirlwind of regrets going on in his head he needed to tell His boyfriend something... he had to open up to him. Time passed in silence before Mark hesitantly tapped on Jack's shoulder to get his attention. ' _ I use to have problems pronouncing words.' _

 

Jack held his breath, holding perfectly still. Afraid so much as a blink would spook his boyfriend into stopping. He ran his fingers through Mark’s hair and kept his eyes on his hands and mouth reading the signs carefully so Mark didn’t think he wasn’t interested.

 

Mark tried not to pay too much attention to the level of Jack's intent at watching him. It was nice to know sure but it also made things extremely awkward and made him want to shy away from continuing though he willed himself to press on. ' _ I was actually in speech therapy for years and.... I was still really shy back then so... _ ' Mark glanced up at Jack half expecting to find he had questions. ' _ It made wanting to talk really hard... teachers hated it... part of me thinks that they are why so many other kids singled me out...' _

 

Jack nodded slowly. He understood being unwilling to speak but he’d be told he didn’t have a choice. He hadn’t ever had to do any speech therapy but he also doubted his family would have even considered it, since pitch not prononciation was his problem. And teachers hadn’t hated him so much as ignored him. But could sympathize easily. He still hadn’t liked being teased for whatever was different about him.

 

_ ' things started to get better though I around the time I met Bob Wade and Tyler... I thought I was getting better. Happier. I wasn't.' _ Mark slowly trailed off for a moment was that enough could he stop now? He wanted to but that still left a big space in who Mark was now and to His knowledge Jack knew nothing of his past.

 

Jack saw Mark paused and asked slowly, “And then your voice changed? Tyler mentioned you had a problem with your voice breaking after you’d gotten better. Is that what happened?” He tried to not be creepy about know about Mark’s past when he hadn’t told him yet, but he looked like he needed a little help keeping the story going.

 

Mark frowned lightly so Jack wasn't completely in the dark... he guessed that was good... he gave a soft nod. ' _ It was the worst most horrific sound imaginable I still have nightmares... I sure everyone does even if they won't say it... but that wasn't what made me quit I was stupid I was willing to work through that like I had been till I realized  just how much of a monster I was... _ ' Mark felt the familiar sting of tears forming in his eyes and he squeezed his eyes shut.

 

Jack frowned, “I don't believe you're a monster, and I doubt anyone has nightmares about your voice…. But this is your story from your point of view. Go on.” he sighed as he continued petting Mark's hair.

 

' _ It's not an opinion it's the truth. If I was not a monster then why would I be hunted down like one. Why would they yell everything bad I didn't want to admit was true. Why would they beat me and leave me in an alley way to die no matter how much I begged and screamed for them to stop...' _ Mark's hands were trembling terribly by the end of what was now a rant. He had never really given anyone the full story he soothed over bits and pieces depending on who he was interacting with. His friends knew they were bullies but not how much damage was done. His family knew the damage but not that  they had been students from school. No names were give Mark just stayed quiet for everyone...

 

Jack ached for the young Mark who’d been so viciously and unnecessarily attacked. He wanted to cry but he held back the tears and took a deep breath. He cupped Mark’s face between his hands so he could look him in the eye, “Mark…. I’m not gunna let go of your face til I’ve made my point so blink once for yes and twice for no. Do you think I talk out of my ass? Or that I’d lie to you?”

 

Mark started at him with watery eyes tears still threatening to fall. No he didn't think Jack was BSing everything he said but it was still hard to hear certain things he didn't agree or believe in himself. So he just stared... unblinking.... though he had long since been able to actually make out Jack's appearance. 

 

Jack sighed when he realized Mark wasn’t going to blink. He pressed his forehead to Mark’s and wiggle closer to him, “I love you. And I can see you from the outside and the inside. It can be hard to step back from yourself and look at who you are but it’s far easier to do that for someone else. You…” he kissed him, “Are kind.” Kiss. “And funny.” Kiss. “And sweet.” Kiss. “And so smart.” He sighed and closed his eyes, “I’m fairly certain my own self view would upset you. Cuz I don’t think I’m all that smart. I’m not all that funny. I can be nice but I don’t think I’m as nice as I could be. I’m jealous and selfish and I want to be strong but I’m not. I’m weak and useless. I can’t even stop yelling unless you’re with me.” He opened his eyes and smiled weakly, “Does that sound right to you?”

 

Mark squeezed his eyes closed and squirmed to tightly wrap and bury himself against Jack. No that doesn't sound right…none of it does. he weakly shook his head Jack was the strong one Mark had always been so wowed by it not to mention the sweetest thing to ever exist, funny helpful the only reason Mark had ever come so far. Jack was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he would give anything to tell him that but in this moment he found himself choking on a sob. Why was he like this making terrible sounds when Jack was there not only trying to say inaccurate complement about him but also tell Mark about the negatives he sees in himself. It should be an opening moment Mark should be fighting tooth and nail to make Jack feel just as loved he wanted to do that but no… instead everything was pushing him to just too loudly ball against him and probably give them both nightmares this night.

 

Jack held Mark tight and pet his hair and he whispered, “Like you said, people are dumb. You're the best part of my day.” he sighed and nuzzled against Mark's hair. 

 

The American took a while but soon started pressing kisses against the area he was buried against more trying to calm himself down then anything else he felt like a wreck and he just wanted Jack to know how much he loved and appreciated him putting up with the mess of a person he was though couldn't as  long as he kept himself glued to his boyfriend. Kisses were all he had for communication...

 

Jack hummed and smiled as Mark kissed his shoulder. He played with Mark's hair breathing deeply as he tried to stop himself from giggling at the situation.

 

Mark shifted and glanced up at him at that giving him a confused look. What was funny was it him? Did he do something?

 

“Do you even know how much this is like a dream to me? A week ago we were just friends and I was dreaming about you kissing me.” He murmured as he moved to kiss Mark. 

 

The American kissed back lightly before pulling away ‘ _ a week ago I was convincing myself  you hate me if I said anything you'd stop wanting to be my friend. And dreaming of making you dinner and dramatically dying by stabbing myself with a wooden spoon.’ _

 

Jack paused to read Mark's hands and snorted, “Awwe! I wanna see the wooden spoon seppuku!” he pouted and kissed Mark again. He still couldn't quite believe he could do that.

 

‘ _ No way it was a one time thing. It wouldn't be the same if I couldn't yell at you for interrupting my dramatic death.’  _ Mark gave a silent huff he really hoped Jack would not want him to elaborate.

 

Jack giggled, “Alright. As long as you yell at me for other stuff, promise?” he kissed Mark slow and sighed against his mouth as he pulled back.

 

‘ _ for you I will try my best to get there. But I'm sorry if you run out into traffic again because I don't even know why I  _ **_ain't_ ** _ stopping you again.’  _ Mark took extra effort to spell out ain't just in case Jack took the formality of ASL too harshly.

 

Jack rolled his eyes, “Oh you mean my plan to get cuddles is ruined? And I can never make you scream my name again?” he teased back.

 

Mark nodded his head in agreement though part of him did hope that wasn't the case he really was trying his best to get to the point where he could at least get a word out.

 

Jack giggled against Mark's mouth as he kissed him. He pulled himself closer to his boyfriend. He just wanted closeness he told himself. He wasn't looking for anything but cuddles, reminded himself. 

 

The black haired male seemed a lot more relaxed since joking around cuddling in as well eyes momentarily lulling closed as he waited to see if Jack had anything more to say, though even if he didn't Mark was rather content his only regret being that they had splurged on coffee that had then just went cold.

 

“Are you gunna nap…..?” Jack asked softly wondering if Mark could hear his heart thumping under his ear. He wasn't sure what he wanted so any choice Mark made would be welcome.

 

Mark peeked an eye opened before raising an eyebrow as if to say ‘is that what you want me to do?’

 

Jack licked his lips, “You do what you want, baby. I'll be here for anything you wanna do.” he said purred and smiled at Mark.

 

The American Scoffed at that, joke was on him Mark was actually considering napping now. 

 

The slow blink Mark gave him made Jack smile, “Alright. You're gunna nap. But I need a quick minute if that's okay? I’ll be right back but i gotta do something.” 

 

Mark shuffled slightly so Jack could get away, not even really questioning it passed a fleeting thought about whining that he was comfy. ‘ _ Just remember to come back, or I might have to replace you with a pillow or something.’ _

 

Jack had lifted onto his elbows but threw himself back onto Mark dramatically wailing, “Nooo! Don't replace me!” He kissed Mark's whole face and giggled as he clung to his boyfriend.

 

He had to give an audible giggle at that before gently pushing the Irishman away. ‘ _ then you better hurry back before I forget what you look like.’ _

 

Jack laughed and got up and gathered up his clean pjs and went to the bathroom. He took a cold shower and got into his pjs. Quickly he got back in bed next to Mark and snuggled up to his side, kissing his nose and humming. “Hey. You sleeping? Hey, hey!”

 

Mark's hand patted Jack's face there was a slight effort put into shoving the Irishman away but at the slightest about of weight against his action he stopped and got himself comfort again with the new addition to his bed as he in hailed the familiar scent of his roommate.

 

Jack nuzzled into Mark's neck and sighed. He lay still relaxing and enjoying the moment but he was still antsy. “Hey do you ever think about how big space is?”

 

Mark's eyes were suddenly opened staring at Jack with expectant awe as if he hadn't even been close to sleep moments before he gave a quick nod if it was possible Mark wouldn't at all be surprised if Jack saw a Galaxy in his eyes, he adored this topic.

 

Jack wiggled in excitement and started to babble about space.


	29. What do you prefer?

Days slowly turned into week before Mark realized a few things. One was his friends didn't seem to have caught on that Jack and him were not playing they were actually dating now and though he thought about filling them in he couldn't help himself from wanting to find out just how long it would take them. Two was he was starting to feel a lot better then he had been in years he wouldn't necessarily call himself stable but he found his brain jumped to conclusions and fears a lot slower then he had when he had been neglecting his meds as well as calming down much quicker than in the past. He could successfully say he hadn't climbed out of any bathroom windows in a month and that he had given a waitress a smile just last week. Everything felt simpler with Jack there to hold his had through this all. Third was he was taking baby steps at trying to talk. He hadn't really managed to get out a word yet but he found himself more willing to let sounds he usually held back be heard. By no means was it that impressive to an outsider to hear a quiet giggle or small whine but for Mark it was life changing and at times terrifying but he was doing it and dealing with the stress it caused without shutting down completely.Then there was the fourth thing Mark realized though, it had only really hit him that night right now listening to Jack from across the small room in their designated beds. The black haired male was usually asleep hours ago but he had got so caught up in everything that changed he had needed a moment to just lay there and process it all, but then Jack made the first sound and he realized it. Jack made him feel hot but stress was always one to kill any mood he could possibly think to be in but... well sex was still a thing and though Jack had never brought it up he'd probably want to do it sometime. Mark should bring up wanting to do it especially after his heart just skipped a beat at hearing his name from his boyfriend's lips.

 

Jack woke up smiling, he’d slept well, not dreaming at all. He felt good. He thought for a minute and tracked the time. It was almost nine months since he’d met Mark. That was kind of a long time. Although they’d only been dating a month or so, which wasn’t all that long. But now there were other things to think about. Finals followed by break. Summer mother fucking break. He’d need to get a job…. And a summer class! Oh shit he still needed to talk to someone about taking one of those! But… Mark would probably be going home for break. So he wouldn’t see him for a couple months. Oh shit that was gunna suck. He supposed they could text each other all the time and play games together but... He sighed and rolled over to see Mark’s bed empty. He sat up and put on his glasses. Since he’d gotten his glasses he’d forgotten to wear them, but he did like them so he planned to wear them more. Mark was sitting at his desk sipping coffee and staring out the window. That looked like deep thought, Jack tried not to interrupt Mark’s deep thought. He got up with a groan as he stretched and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. He was dressed and sipping his own coffee when he finally said “Good morning” to Mark, sitting in his own desk chair. After a minute or two with no response Jack went on his computer to check his e-mail. But after five minutes where Mark didn’t even move Jack frowned, “Mark?”

 

Mark had been off in his own head before Jack had even woken up. He was trying to think of a way to approach the situation but everything just came up rather awkward for him. Like he always stressed himself out of a mood rather quickly so he didn't have high hopes it would happen naturally anytime soon. But he couldn't just go ‘Hey Jack I want to schedule you in next week for like a trial bow job or something what time of day works best?’ But he needed a little more time than today BUT he couldn't just hold off when it had been Mark listening to Jack last night which spurred this thought at all… Mark heard his name and in a confused looked to his boyfriend and questioningly signed his name. ‘ _ Jack?’ _

 

Jack responded without thinking, “Seán.” he wondered if maybe he shouldn't have distracted him, maybe he was meditating?

 

Mark looked even more confused not really knowing what in the world Jack was thinking for saying that so he gave a name himself and smiled. ‘ _ Fred?’ _

 

Jack froze when he realized he’d said his name. “Ummm.” he looked down at his hands. Well he couldn’t back out now. Had shown his vulnerabilities. But what if…. What if this was the thing that Mark teased him about? But so what? “That’s… That’s my name.” He dug around for his wallet as he spoke nearly whispering, “My name is Seán. And… I changed it because Americans thought it was funny. Either the spelling or the pronouncing. So I just… I called myself Jack.” He handed Mark his student id, which had “Seán William McLoughlin” printed next to his picture. After a deep breath he continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I sort of forgot you didn’t know. And… I just- I’m sorry if you hate me for keeping that from you.”

 

Mark couldn’t think of what to say to that he really had not expected to hear something like that, they had lived together for almost a year and he was only know finding this out… He tried to stay calm and treat this nicely…. ‘.. _ Is.. Is that the name you prefer?’  _ He signed awkwardly trying to keep things positive and not let any panics or anxieties seep in while Jack was clearly thinking he was going to hate him for this whole thing… He needed to  be strong.

 

Jack considered that. Then he smiled nervously, “With you, yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have and there's no excuse for not telling you. Are-” he swallowed thickly, “Are we okay? I mean I know this is…. A lot. But you know so much about me and you know I'd do anything for you.” he laughed weakly, “No one else knows. It's another secret we share. Like how the guys don't know we're dating.” he laughed still sounding pathetic.

 

Mark gave a weak smile and nodded  ‘ _ you noticed that too. I thought they'd pick up on it by now but no.’  _ He signed hoping changing the topic would calm them both down.

 

Jack relaxed a small bit, “I think maybe it’s because we act how you all acted before me. I know you guys were super cuddly and touchy and close and you all toned it down when I joined the group. Maybe they think we’re just as close as that?” He checked the time, “So… Did you wanna get breakfast? Maybe Cracker Barrel? I’m buying.”

 

Normally Mark would be well out the door before Jack could even finish saying he was buying but a thought hit his mind Jack had been going out more this past month then he had really ever done this whole year he probably shouldn't be spending all that money wowing him on dates. It hurt to do but slowly he shook his head ‘ _ I’ll make you breakfast.’ _

 

Jack nodded only a little disappointed he couldn't apologize with breakfast. While Mark dug around the kitchenette to start breakfast Jack quietly thought himself in circles, “What were you thinking before I distracted you?”

 

Mark hesitated for a minute what did he say I was thinking the best way to say I was listening to your ‘alone time.’ He had to grimes at that thought it seemed too intrusive. ‘ _ I offer to cook in place of you being a sugar daddy for my favourite restaurant and you want to spend your time picking my brain instead of admiring me in an apron? Rude.’ _

 

Jack's face heated at the images that came to mind, “Well I instantly  misunderstood that as you wearing  **only** an apron. And I only ask because you hadn't moved at all in around 40 minutes.” he giggled.

 

Had he really been thinking about it that long? Where had the time gone? How long had Jack been watching?? Timing him? ‘ _ well a birdy told me I should have no shame in how much or how little I wear under my apron cause I'm  _ **_lickable_ ** _ so maybe I will.’  _ He joked to get himself away from falling back into an anxious debate with himself.

 

Jack's face burned and he giggled, covering his eyes, “Hey that was between me and my date, Dark- I mean no! I'm not seeing anyone else! Whaaat? Are you…. Actually gunna wear just an apron?” he tried not to sound too hopeful but he probably sounded incredibly needy.

 

Mark paused for a second thinking it over at the tone of Jack's voice he had no issue stripping out of most if his clothing he could probably keep his underwear just to tease Jack over not getting a full show but honestly the little push from flirting did help up his confidence enough to answer Jack's original question and chose to use that now while he still felt strong enough to answer. ' _ I was thinking about sex, that's why I was off in my own world.' _

 

Jack nearly choked on his own spit at that. Sweet Jesus. He was not expecting that. “Oh. I do that.” why did he say that? What did that mean? Did he think about sex or have sex? Whatever.

 

‘ _ I know I heard you last night’  _ Mark didn't mean for it to be so blunt but there really wasn't much padding he could do to soften those signs. ‘ _ I want to do that too’ _

 

Jack couldn't wrap his head around that for a minute. Was he dreaming? Was Mark joking? Holy shit. He went to say something but only a small sound escaped him. He blinked rapidly and cleared his throat, “Yeah, okay I can- I can help with that.” wait how the shit would this happen? He mind was starting to melt at the images his imagination gave him.

 

Mark gave a small smile, ‘ _ great because I was having a hell of a time trying to think of how to bring it up! Like really I thought of asking as if it was something that needed to be scheduled in! I was going to get a dayplanner!’ _

 

“Pffft! Really? That would have been hilarious! Now dear don't forget we’re going to have sex at 9pm on Tuesday, I expect you showered and in sexy lacy underwear when I get home.” he laughed relaxing when it came back to jokes. Then he stood up and moved to where Mark was standing, “So.” he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, “Where do you wanna start?” he smiled excitedly and signed, ‘ _ French kissing _ ?’

 

Mark snorted at that pressing a kiss to Jack's lips before leaning away So Jack could see what he had to say.  _ 'oh you want to start now? I'm not wearing my lace underwear though! Also haven't eaten I thought I was wowing you with my cooking skills and possible skimpiness.' _

 

Jack giggled, “Dude, we live together. And we have all the time in the world for lacy underwear, and skimpiness. I’ve been thinking about how I’d like to kiss you for months. As much as I  **love** the kissing we’ve been doing I am dying to take your breath away or die trying.” He waited to see what Mark thought. Maybe the guy was really hungry? Or maybe french kissing was too fast after two months of cuddles and cute kisses? Then again Mark had just said he wanted to have sex with him….

 

_ 'You really have that much confidence in your kissing ability? I think I need to test this out then.'  _ Mark did his best to look confident as usual with his flirting but he could swear that his heart was going to beat right out of his chest from both excitement and worry, what if Jack was a god and like he sucked, but also  _ what if Jack was a god. _

 

Jack giggled, “Either that or I expect to die kissing you trying to seduce you.” he pulled Mark into one of their soft kisses before opening his mouth to suck Mark's lower lip.

 

Mark made the smallest of noises at that alone, pressing close and parting his lips, as he relaxed into the idea of more.

 

Jack didn't realise how much he’d love hearing Mark make any sound. He moaned into Mark's mouth and tilted his head to lick into his mouth, one hand tangling in his hair the other gripping his hip. He pulled lightly at Marks hair and nipped at his lips. And he shivered when he felt Mark melt under his touches and pull him closer. Jack hummed and backed them to the nearest bed letting Mark fall over him. With this new positioning he could lift his hips to press against Mark's.

 

The kiss was indeed one that made him feel dizzy. He pressed against Jack gasping quietly at the other pulling his hair, he didn't know if the small sounds were enough to give away just how much he loved it but he was just melting against every touch the Irishman made. Soon Mark was on top of him on a bed he couldn't really recall moving here but he was beyond happy for it. He didn't really realise it had been so long since he had this kind of contact it wasn't really a thought at the forefront of his mind but now that it was here he was just completely caving to it and in return it seemed to be keeping any fears or self hate he had well out of his mind better than any other tactic he knew.

 

Jack would have taken this slower but Mark seemed just as desperate for this as Jack was. So he did his best to make Mark shake and gasp. He figured out fairly quickly what his boyfriend loved and made sure to tug his hair and nip at his neck. He didn't bite hard enough to leave a bruise since he didn't know if Mark would be comfortable with that.

  
Mark didn't actually make a sound to that his mouth had opened as if he was going to but the swear he was going to say stayed inaudible to Jack. That was kind of what made Mark pull back and remember this was supposed to be and starting to get increasingly embarrassed over how quickly he felt like needy jelly. Damn he was sure he was sporting a noticeable boner seeing as he had been slowly rocking himself against Jack. He pressed a few kisses to Jack's face before all but collapsing to hide against Jack's neck he knew there was no way of escaping his boyfriend feeling his hard on so he didn't even try he just tried to hide the dark blush heating up his face and not think about how close a simple hair pulling and attention he his neck had almost made him speak. 


	30. Can we do more of that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry we forgot to update yesterday. No excuses! Sorry!

Jack made a startled sound when Mark suddenly collapsed on him and hid his face in Jack's shoulder. Confused, he shifted a bit, “Mark? Are you alright? Am… Am I going to fast? Did I do something bad?” Jack held as still as he could despite his dick begging him to keep moving just a little longer. He rested both palms gently over Mark's shoulder blades not sure what else to do with them. 

 

Mark shook his head slowly before glancing up at Jack calming down a little to his boyfriend wondering if he was going too fast that meant him getting carried away was perfectly alright. He gave a weak smile, guessing he shouldn’t have let himself freak out and ruin things again.

  
  


Jack let out a sigh of relief and said, “Does that mean I can kiss you more? Or… Can we just-” He slid his hands down to hold Mark’s ass as he ground his hips up. “Do more of that? I’d ask why you were upset by I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t tell me. Right?”

 

Jack was right Mark had no intention to answer that though his breath did shake at Jack’s actions as he moved to crash his lips back against his boyfriend and rock his hips, as a response to if he wanted to continue or not, he really needed to just stop thinking all it did was make him unnecessarily panic.

 

Moaning and gripping Mark’s ass firmly Jack rolled his hips up and kissed him with as much intensity as he could. He was a little worried about the blip of Mark’s anxiety just then, but there was a confidence in his movements now. A need. He was doing what he wanted to do instead of overthinking himself into panic. Jack wanted to talk to Mark about how good he felt. How solid and warm. How he tasted like nothing before and it was amazing. How soft and hard and smooth he was. But he couldn’t bring himself to move his lips away from Mark’s. He burned and his gut was tight and he was  **holding Mark’s ass in his hands** ! He squeezed and pulled Mark harder against him with a low sound in his throat. This was a dream come true. This was many dreams come true. The only difference being the amount of clothes they had on. But this was their first venture into sexual contact and they were already moving so fast, Jack figured they could leave clothes on for now. Unless Mark wanted more. He broke the kiss and let his head fall back with a gasp, he wanted to ask Mark something, he didn’t stop his hips so Mark wouldn’t think he was done.

 

Mark pressed a few kisses to Jack’s neck at that before without really thinking started sucking a claim onto the area. 

 

Jack arched and cried out sharply, voice breaking half way through the sound but he didn’t notice or care. He ground up and squeezed his eyes shut, groaning out a weak, “Fuck, Mark! Mmmm!” He hadn’t been expecting Mark to be so bold as to suck a claim on his neck but he loved it. Anyone who talked to him or even looked at him would know he belonged to someone, and as an added bonus Mark’s mouth sucking his skin was like fire in his veins.

 

Mark left a few more marks before burying back against Jack’s neck, they hadn’t even doing this that long but… he was actually rather close in all honestly but it wasn’t like he could say anything about it just try and hold on as best he could.

 

Jack whined when Mark stopped sucking his skin, he wanted more but he was close enough to cumming that he lacked words. He squirmed and whined when he realized how close he was from kissing and grinding. What would he have done if they’d gone right to sex?! He probably would have cum the second one of them started pressing into the other. He slowed his hips and tried to catch his breath. He wiggled his shoulder trying to get Mark to lift his head. “Mmmmark… Are you comfortable topping or bottoming?” he also really wanted to take off their shirts. His focus was shaky and he was getting lost in all this.

 

The thought was in and out of his head in matter of seconds, he was much to invested in continuing his movements, which was probably for the best because the choice would definitely have stopped him from enjoying this moment. 

 

When Mark ignored him he decided that this was going to be more of a ‘just do’ kind of first time and if the other was uncomfortable they'd say so. He licked his lips and tugged at Mark shirt.  He wanted to kiss and lick as much of Mark's skin as he could.

 

The black haired male shifted slightly vaguely catching on that his shirt was coming off and tried to help as best he could while still keeping his focus where he wanted it.

 

Jack got Mark’s shirt off and then realized this position wouldn't work. He wiggled so he could flip them quickly and without the awkward shuffling. He ended up straddling Mark's hips and sighed as he started rocking again. Then attacked Mark's skin, sucking light little hickeys down his chest. He left a dark hickey on Mark's hip bone then kissed his way up to Mark's mouth again. His hands tracing lightly up and down Mark's sides. 

 

Mark’s pulse raced he had no objections to the change in position as he arched into Jack’s touch, he bit his lip part of him wanting to swear and moan Jack’s name but as much as he was willing to let himself get carried away in the feeling he couldn’t let himself go completely, not to get loud, say anything or even let himself tip over the edge and cum like his body so desperately wanted right now, but he didn’t know how long he could hold out for every touch and grind Jack made pushed him closer and closer to losing the weak control he had on himself.

 

Jack’s hands slid up Mark’s chest as he kissed him deeply. He was close and dizzy and leaned back to look Mark over as he touched him. He was so close but he didn’t want to come before Mark. He looked over the smooth skin below him and shivered, he could jerk off to this is he never got to see Mark again. Well… he’d already jerked off to Mark. But now he had so much more of Mark buzzing around in his brain. He sighed and brushed his thumbs over Mark’s nipples, rubbing them.

 

What ever will Mark had left quickly devolved the second Jack went after those sensitive little buds even if he hadn't been close that would have for sure drove him wild. Mark could stop himself from buckling up against Jack body tensing as a his arms covered his face to stifle the cry that escaped his lips as he came.

 

That sound. That delicious low broken sound. Jack nearly came just watching and hearing Mark cum. But he wasn’t that close. He let out a small groan, and fumbled with his pants. “Mmmm, Mark? Can I cum on your belly?” He asked as he opened his pants and pulled out his dick.

 

Mark was panting quietly hands sliding up push his hair out of his face as he gave a small nod. He felt tired his body pulsing gently with bliss as he watched Jack move why did he always look so perfect.

 

Jack cursed as he started to fist his dick, quickly. His thighs shook and he couldn’t look away from Mark who was stretching up after messing up his messy hair. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful. Everything-” He gasped bucking into his own hand and groaning, “Everything about you is amazing.” He tensed up, back arching as he came across his boyfriend’s skin, a soft moan of ‘Mark’ on his lips. He sucked in a deep breath and caught himself as he started to tip to one side. “I think… we should catch our breaths and shower. Then sleep. Maybe after that we can eat something. Sound good?” He whined he moved to get off Mark and his sensitive dick dragged through his cum on Mark’s body. 

 

Mark honestly didn't want to get up his eyes had already been really getting heavy while watching Jack, he was happy he actually managed to hold on and see that display instead of just hearing it like he did the night before but really he was done now, he let his eyes fall closed hoping Jack really didn't chase him off to the shower, he was willing to face the shame of waking up a mess as he started to drift off.

 

Jack watched Mark drift into sleep and smiled. He really loved him. He sighed after a minute and got up to get a damp towel so he could clean Mark up. Then he jumped in the shower before cuddling up to Mark and following him into sleep.


	31. Wait are we joking?

A few days later and no one had noticed they were a couple. Which was incredibly amusing to them both. Even when Jack had large hickeys on his neck, their friends didn’t get it. Jack found he really liked sleeping next to Mark even if they may have gone back to their slow soft kisses and nonsexual cuddles. He got to sleep next to Mark two nights in a row and wake up next to him which was magical. An elbow bumped Jack snapping him out of his thoughts and back to reality. They were all sitting at a bar. Jack had Mark on his left and Bob at his right. Tyler was on the other side of Mark and Wade was on the other side of Bob. He didn’t remember how they even decided to go to a bar.

 

It wasn’t exactly a busy night and Mark had a smile on his face, he was feeling much better than he use to at public outings though this was still something he wouldn’t do if he did not have a small gaggle of support around him, if he could make it through the night without bailing or needing to calm down from an unwelcomed attack he would officially say he’d been an idiot all these years and even if he sometimes felt he didn’t deserve it, his meds were very much welcomed and needed.

 

Jack snorted when he saw Bob and Wade start taking shots. Just because Mark was driving them all home didn't mean they had to get absolutely wasted. He turned to Mark to ask him if he was hungry when a dude shoved his way between them and that was saying something cuz they'd been sitting shoulder to shoulder. Suddenly Jack had a face full of some dudes back and he was separated from Mark.

 

The black haired male looked startled and confused at the sudden intruder in his personal space hesitantly moving to try and get some space in between him and the stranger the guy was probably already drunk and he was not going to make a scene even if his heart was racing from the suddenness of the other male.

 

Jack stood up and walked around the guy was leering at Mark to rest a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He was about to ask what this guy wanted when Tyler stood up and asked just that. “What do you want?” The guy just keep staring at Mark. He was obviously drunk, “Hey hotstuff what’re drinking?” He slurred at Mark. Jack felt more than a little freaked out. This dude was scaring them both and he wasn’t nearly burly enough to take him.

 

Oh, oh he wasn't looking for drinks. Mark stammered eyes wide looking more like a deer in headlights then anything. Even if he could talk he didn't know what to say in this situation plus he couldn't even will himself to shrug the other off.

 

Tyler was dragging the guy away from the group, snarling at him just loud enough for the guy and no one else to hear. They scuffled a little as the guy tried to shove Tyler off him to get back to Mark and failed. Jack wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulder leaning in and whispering, “Hey are you okay? Do you wanna go?”

 

Mark slowly moved to shake his head no he didn't want to leave things seemed to be taken care of rather quickly if he could just stay calm it would be fine he wasn't alone he could handle this

 

Jack nodded and turned to watch Tyler shoo the drunk douche away. When he came back to the group Bob cleared his throat, “Dude. Why did you get so protective? It's not like you and Mark are sucking each other's dicks any more.” Jack choked on his own spit.

 

Mark had to scoffed at that really they were all extremely protective in one form or another but it didn't stop him from responding with the same level of joking sass he usually did. ‘ _we’re not? Oh hell Why didn't anyone tell me?’_

 

Jack giggled as he realized they'd be joking. “I’ve been sucking Tyler's dick too was I not supposed to be?” Tyler made a kissy face at them both and everyone laughed.

 

‘ _ya Bob you should join in too we’re only one person away from a harem.’_ he continued till Wade piped up asking why he wasn't invited to which the shorter male responded with the classic running joke if ‘ _shut up Wade.’_

 

Jack laughed and looked around at his drunken friends and sober boyfriend and asked, “Okay who’s hungry?” Their friends all grinned with a collective murmur of ‘tacos’.

 

Mark rolled his eyes at how quickly they came to that United decision but had to say he did agree with them to cast sounded good ‘ _and where do you plan on getting these magical free tacos from?’_

 

Jack paused, “Wade got a job at the Mexican place last week….” Wade nodded slowly, “I can get the employee discount for us.” Jack turned back to Mark looking proud.

 

Mark shrugged he guessed he couldn’t really argue with that If Wade wanted to go to his new job drunk for discount tacos he really didn’t know how he could talk him out of it. ‘ _If you’re sure going there drunk is smart..’_

 

Wade shrugged and Jack paused, “Oh…. Yeah. Well I can go in? With Wade’s card?” Bob laughed, “Do you plan on telling them why you've got it?” Jack made a ‘meh' sound.

 

Mark rolled his eyes and tapped on Jack just to make sure he was seeing what he signed ‘ _plus you are drunk as well how do you know you aren’t just as much as a bumbling mess as he is.’_ He was joking Jack was actually doing pretty well in comparison to Wade who had just been doing shots not too long ago. He just like teasing people he was close to.

  
Jack puffed out his chest and stood up straight, “I'm Irish! I can hold my liquor!” but then he dissolved into giggles.


	32. How have you not figured us out yet?

Tyler still dropped by from time to time to make sure Jack was keeping up with the ASL he learnt but with finals quickly approaching he did cut his visits down by half. And even then it was now mostly just them hanging out while casually signing the words being said so Jack could better his translation and replying speed.

 

Jack was doing his best to learn every sign they made but one sign was confusing, “What word goes with this?” He signed the weird one and Tyler chewed his lip, “Ex? Like ex-boyfriend? I thought you’d be able to guess that one.” Jack paused then asked, “Can you use it in a sentence?” Tyler rolled his eyes, “Mark is my ex-boyfriend.” Jack paused, they’d alluded to a past relationship between them so many times that he had to wonder. “Really?”

 

Mark nodded quickly at that ‘ _ I thought it was obvious, I’m a lot clingier with Tyler then Bob or Wade, am I not?’  _ He actually didn’t really know if it was as obvious as he thought it was, but by his own standards he felt a lot more comfortable touching someone who had shown to be one thousand percent safe over his friends who were more around… a hundred….

 

Jack nodded slowly, “Okay. I mean I noticed but I didn’t know what it meant, exactly. Does that mean you’ve….” he decided to put it bluntly. “You two have fucked right?” Tyler snorted by said nothing.

 

‘ _ I can’t tell if you’re asking because you’re jealous or if it a roundabout way of trying to figure out if I’m a virgin.’  _ Mark raised an eyebrow though not technically giving an answer ether.

 

Jack’s face burned, “No I just want a mental image for my spank bank! Who topped since I’m gunna assume you two have slept together from Tyler’s silence and your own avoidance.” That wasn’t exactly a lie.

 

‘ _ Spank bank? Is that where you hide your porn?’  _ Mark mutely snickered, he really wouldn’t put it past Jack at this point, before jabbing Tyler’s side so he could answer, just in case there was a word or five Jack didn’t have the translation for, he wouldn’t have to start to stumble and panic.

 

Jack blinked, “That’s what spank bank means, yeah.” He glanced at Tyler, “Dude does he not jerk off?” Tyler decided to answer a different question with a question. “Who do you  **think** tops, Jack?” Jack shifted where he sat. Probably Tyler but he really liked the image he had of Mark topping anyone and was hopeful that could be a thing. He shrugged and looked down at his lap, “What do you think I do?”

 

In theory Mark would happily top anyone, he had no problem joking about it in a friendly setting and was quick to sign out a  response of  _ 'clearly it's me, like Tyler could get a piece of me any other way _ .' but the thing was it was just that, he was talking about it. In practice it often ended up with him bottoming purely because he often panicked to top, letting someone else top him meant he could give them control of the situation till ether they were both happy or he felt comfortable enough to do it himself. So technically they switched, they experimented, they were young, but if you took a tally it would clearly point to Tyler as the top...

 

Jack fought a smile, “Good to know.” Tyler sent him an odd look and Jack wanted to scream with laughter. Had Tyler honestly not figured it out yet?!

 

Mark just smiled and nodded he didn't know if Jack actually believed him or not and Tyler did nothing to correct it so… hopefully Jack took that as something subject to change.

 

Jack noticed Tyler’s lips twitch as he signed out of Mark’s sight, ‘ _ no _ .’ He sighed in slight disappointment then shrugged, “Well, you still haven’t guessed me. This should be amusing.”

 

' _ Well to my knowledge you were in a very committed relationship with your hand so you top that really well at the least good for you.'  _ Mark grinned though part of him wondered if Tyler didn't take a guess because he just thought Jack was straight and asking as if it was a online personally test.

 

Jack laughed and tipped over. “I’ve fucking  **impregnated** my hand! But I’m actually a switch.” Tyler quickly offered, “Dude. You’ve gotta be gay. The more I think about it the more that’s gotta be it. You’re a gay bottom. I’m right aren’t I? I’ve gotta be.” Jack slowly shook his head, “Dude. I’m Pan and I just said I was a switch….. You imagining me on my back for you, Ty?” They both giggled and Jack stayed where he was on the floor before propping his head on his hand.

 

‘ _ Tyler's wrong about something,  _ **_ha ha_ ** ’ Mark took care to rub it in his friend's face. ‘ _ If he is thinking that you're going to break his little heart to say you and your hand had to have a shot gun wedding and now you're off the market.’  _ He wasn't completely joking there Jack was off the market, he only joked with it because it had still yet to click in his friend’s head apparently and that was the game. To see how long it takes before they realise Jack and Him were together.

 

Jack giggled, but before he could say anything Tyler said, “Oh my god. If you two have sex it’s just gunna be giggling and jokes the whole time isn’t it.” Jack blinked, “No he kinda loses the ability to speak with his mouth full.” He really needed to think before he speaks. Wow.

 

Mark snorted at that ' _ yes because I am a very talkative person otherwise really just the worst _ .' He gave a soft smile to say he was okay with what was said, though he did have to say he thought he was alarmingly loud with what little he did with Jack.

 

Tyler narrowed his eyes and glanced between them. “Right. Well it’s late and I’ve gotta go study. I’m sure Jack needs to consummate his marriage with his hand, and Mark will probably watch. So I’m gunna go before things get weird.” Jack waved from the floor as Tyler got up, “Actually we’re gunna have a threesome. I really wanna watch my spouse and Mark get it on.” He glanced at Mark with a look that said he was totally serious.

 

Mark fanned at his face and faking falling back swooning before needing to sign out his thought ' _ oh be still my heart I've waited for this moment for so long.' _

 

Tyler waved goodbye and left. “Was it just me or did he just run away? What did he get a boner and run to fix it?” Jack asked as he sprawled on his back, blinking slowly at Mark. “Also you aren’t a top are you…”

 

Mark glanced down chewing at his lip and shrugging  _ 'I'd like to say I am but, know if we did anything it was usually Tyler topping I don't handle it well most times. I get too anxious so there are only certain instances where I'm really ready to top right out the gate and even then it... I sometimes end up needing to back out half way through... sorry.'  _

 

Jack felt words bubble in his chest and cleared his throat, “So… You want to top? Cuz…. I can work with that. I mean it’s not required that you be able to top me, but I think it would be nice.” His eyes lit with an idea and he smiled darkly.

 

Mark rubbed his arm awkwardly for a moment ' _ do you think maybe it could be something we work up to?'  _ He smiled weakly really he felt so rusty at all this last thing he wanted was to make a complete fool of himself the first time they went all the way.

 

Jack licked his lips and smirked rolling onto his belly, “What you mean have sex with you more than once? Oh no!” He gave a flirty smile, “I guess I can do that, if you like.” He giggled and wondered how tired he was that he was being so weird. Not that he minded, but he might scare Mark which was what he didn’t want.

  
Mark rolled his eyes it was definitely bed time. ‘ _ go to sleep I'll still be your boyfriend tomorrow.’  _ he made a shooing motion with his hands.


	33. Did I read that right?

Mark had taken advantage of Jack needing to go out one weekend saying something about confirming summer classes he had signed up for. The American knew exactly what he wanted and he took extra care to write it down neatly ' _ My schedule said I have an opening right now _ .' He smiled and set it on the door outside it wasn't exactly straightforward but he hoped Jack would catch on that it was him referring back to when he first said he was interested in sex. Past that he may have fumbled with several thoughts of if Jack would actually get what he meant, if he wanted it now or would rather wait, was he rushing? Was he being too eager? He asked Jack to top maybe he should prep himself a little it had been a long time...? There were a lot of things to take into account sort through and prepare himself for he wasn't ready to go off of impulse alone. Thankfully Jack took his time coming home and the American was able to sort through a few things like trying to prep himself a small bit even if it was just cause he was worried Jack would think him a burden otherwise and if Jack said not right now it was fine he just wouldn't mention it ever....

 

Jack was home later than he thought. He had groceries and was fully planning to make dinner when he saw Mark’s note on the door. He nearly dropped the food. Instead he stood there breathing deeply running it through his head a couple times so he didn’t run in the room screaming sex just to have Mark say something else. Eventually he let out a long breath and unlocked the door. Mark looked at him like a deer in the headlights with a blush on his face. Jack looked him over, slowly setting down the groceries on the counter and taking the note off the door as he closed it. He pushed up his glasses and inspected the note. He put on a terrible german accent as he spoke, “I vas enformed off en apuntmunt? Em ah in ze reght ruum?”

 

Mark raised an eyebrow at that though a  smile slowly started to form he felt himself calming down a bit by bit as he gave a small nod in response. He did have to wonder though what in the world Jack was thinking.

 

Jack giggled, “Just wanted you to relax. You looked a little scared for a sec there.” He set down the note and shrugged off his jacket, “It’s cold out, can you think of a way to warm a good doctor up?” He wasn’t sure he could focus enough to maintain the accent, so he decided to just mod his voice lower. As close to a rumble as he could.

 

Mark beckoned Jack closer shuffling slightly to greet he once in his boyfriend was in his range and pressed his lips to Jack's. He was really happy the other had did what he could to relax him or else he might not have been able to even start a slight kiss.

 

Jack slowly wrapped his arms around Mark and sighed as he carefully deepened the kiss. He wanted to keep his boyfriend relaxed while also getting them where they wanted to go. “So…. You’ve made the appointment, wanna tell me what we’ve got planned for tonight?” he asked stepped back to take off his shoes and socks.

 

' _ How far are you willing to take it? Because if I'm really honest I'd like to do it all... I'd also really rather you top this time if not though then... _ ' He didn't really have a backup plan he guessed just go and hope he didn't freeze up and ruin it. ' _ I... don't handle questions well so If you have any it would be better if you asked now...' _

 

Jack nodded and straightened up, “Anything I shouldn’t do? Or… I guess a signal that you need to stop? I don’t want to hurt you or scare you and have you just clam up. I’d like to know if everything is okay.” He licked his lips and added a little quieter, “Do you… Did you prep already or do I get to open you up? Do we have lube and condoms?” He really hoped Mark had thought of lube and condoms. Jack didn’t have a whole lot of condoms with him and they may have expired… But he did have lube.

 

Mark thought about it for a second no he didn't think he missed anything that needed to be said right away as for a stop thing ' _ how about if I tap you twice with my foot if I want you to stop?' _ He signed slowly not sure if that would work or not for Jack. ' _ I bought condoms and lube the day you said you were interested in sleeping with me....' _ He smiled weakly and pointed to the washroom where he left them under the sink a blush returning to his cheeks knowing Jack would find the new bottle of lube opened already.

Jack grabbed the goods from under the sink eyes flashing in excitement as he slowly walked towards Mark. “Alright. So next question, why your foot? Why not like finger poking my face? And…” he set the lube and condoms where they could reach them from the bed. “This lube looks kinda opened…. Are you too?”

 

Mark flushed red it would be so easy to just nod in agreement yet he couldn't bring himself to answer  **that** instead opting to just sign ‘ _ I move my hands around to places like my hair and face I don't want to accidentally signal you wrong.’ _

 

Jack saw the small squirm of embarrassment and smirked. He stepped forward and whispered in Mark's ear, “Alright, two taps with a foot is bad times. Got it. So is there any automatic no nos? Like don't call you a dirty word or don't bite hard? Anything that would upset you?”

 

_ ‘...I'd hate if you stopped before you were done.’  _ Mark glanced away chewing his lip that was really all he could think of in this moment.

 

Jack shrugged, “If that changes you be sure to tap me with your foot.” He pressed his lips to Mark’s neck to start kissing him when he paused, “Oh can I give you hickeys too? Or do they have to be out of sight?”

 

_ 'I don't mind marks, it's just funny to see how long it’s been taking for our friends to figure out what's going on. If they don't catch hickeys and claims everywhere then they lost _ .' Mark gave a soft smile he had no problems with marks from the start he just wasn't a fan of the attention they brought after but he didn't think he ever said that....

 

A soft sound left Jack as he nipped under Mark’s ear and gripped Mark’s hips. He wanted to say he was glad he could claim him, but he didn’t think he was strong enough to take his mouth off Mark’s skin once it was there. He kissed and nipped down the side of Mark’s neck before placing an open mouthed kiss near where his neck met his shoulder. Gently he sucked a light bruise to Mark’s skin, licking over the claim he continued to kiss until he hit shirt. He pulled it over Mark’s head with a grumble then stopped to look Mark in the eyes, close enough their noses brushed, “Well hey there. You look a little unfocused. You need to lay down?” He purred with a smile inching his mouth closer to Mark’s.

 

Mark's breath shook slightly as he tilted his head and pressed into Jack's touches even the simple actions in themselves were enough to send a thrill through him and relax into the situation. Jack said to lay back and he found it rather easy to steal a kiss before listening. If he could it would be this moment he wished an 'I love you' would bubble up passed his lips.

 

Jack took off his own shirt while Mark laid down. Crawling over him, kissing at his belly and then kissing and licking up his chest Jack tried to keep focus. He left little claims on his way back up to Mark’s throat, humming at the taste of his skin. 

 

Mark's fingers ghosted lightly against Jack's skin hesitant at first too touch but quickly worked up the nerve to tangle his hand into his boyfriend's green hair and rock his hips up against him.

 

Jack shivered as Mark touched him, then gasping a little when Mark rolled his hips up. He ground down and bit at Mark's lips. He liked how much Mark was moving, and he was almost proud of how he seemed to touch without overthinking it. At least he hoped he wasn’t overthinking it. He groaned at Mark’s rocking and rubbed his thumbs over Mark’s hipbones. He kissed Mark’s neck leaving another bruise.

 

Mark's hips gave a slight tremble before buckling and his hands squeezed Jack lightly.  The American felt his face heat up at that he quite aware the soft motion shouldn't had drawn such and instant response as his body seemed more than eager and responsive to every move made. A small bit of anxiety flared up again for one quick moment before Mark pushed it away by gently tugging Jack's hair till his boyfriend moved to see what he wanted before Mark crashed his lips to Jack's.  He liked slow it was loving and intimate but it gave Mark room to panic and maybe it was selfish of him but he'd much rather be overwhelmed and too concentrated on Jack then spend even one second in that mindset that often plagued him.

 

Jack moaned into Mark’s mouth and fumbled with his boyfriends jeans. He’d leaned a while ago how to understand Mark when he wasn’t signing at all. Mark wanted more and he was more than happy to give him what he wanted. He broke away to get Mark’s pants and underwear off in one tug, a small noise leaving him once he had his boyfriend naked. “You’re so amazing.” he sighed as he slid his hands up the insides of Mark’s legs. He paused when he got to where he knew Mark wanted him. “You know. I’m fairly certain you preped yourself. But I really wanna curl my fingers inside you and watch you squirm.” He grabbed the lube from next to the pillow and coated his fingers before pressing two in slowly, and yeah. Mark was preped, he took the two fingers easily.

 

The black haired male really had no objections to Jack wanting to finger him, only flushed red to find that his boyfriend figured out so easily Mark had done anything to himself. It wasn't something he lingered on long though as a rather content breath escaped at the feeling of anything being pushed inside him, this was exactly why he prepped himself to avoid the discomfort and possibly anxiety that may have threatened to pop up if Jack needed to slowly work him open. The area may have still been unfamiliar grounds for Jack but honestly Mark's body was getting excited just from the feeling of something filling him again.

 

Jack’s breath caught at Mark’s reaction. He looked amazing in general with now his face was a lovely rosy color, he was breathing quickly, and he seemed to be trying to hide his hands which were clinging to the blankets under him. Fuck, he wasn’t sure he’d last long if this was just the pre show. He sucked a dark bruise to Mark’s thigh nipping at it to make sure it was darker than the ones on his neck before he purred, “Hey, Mark? Look at me a sec will ya?” Once Mark peaked at him he licked the underside of his dick, from his balls to the head, then sucked on the head keeping his eyes on Mark’s.

 

Mark's eyes seemed to darken with lust the smallest part of a gasp escaping past his lips, his instant reaction was to want to close his eyes and let his head fall back but he did his best to keep them trained on Jack as best he could, as well as keep himself inaudible.

 

Jack was more turned on by this than he thought he’d be. After all he’d looked Mark in the eyes plenty of times, and it had never made him ache like this. Then again…. He’d never had Mark’s cockhead resting on his tongue when he looked him in the eyes. Reminded of his plan he licked at his prize and hummed looking at his boyfriend, watching his face shift, and his breathing quicken. He continued scissoring him and twisting his fingers as well intent on making Mark cum at least once before he did.

 

Mark's body was quick to arch and tremble, there was no way he could last like that. He had already found that everything was pulling him closer to the edge even though they had just started. Was that what Jack had wanted? He didn't have much time to linger on the thought as a gritty moan sounded from him and he instantly let his head fall back and hands come up to cover his face. He had wanted to try and last incase Jack was teasing but the second Jack brushed again that's sensitive bundle of nerves inside him he couldn't last his hips buckled a muffled gasp escaping him it was really his only warning before coming and his mind went blank with bliss for that one moment.

 

Jack shivered at the moan that came from Mark. Did he just- Oh hell yeah. Mark had allowed himself to make a sound. Then he came, squeezing Jack’s fingers and shaking. Jack lifted his head and pulled his fingers from Mark. “Oh hell how are you damn sexy?” He breathed, moving up to kiss Mark, while grabbing at the condoms. He sat back and rolled a condom on, watching Mark twitch. He lubed his cock far more than was necessary but he didn’t want Mark to hurt even a little. He lined up and pushed in. He wasn’t one for slamming in, and Mark was preped enough he didn’t have to inch. So in the span of a sigh he was balls deep. He kissed Mark’s neck as he started to move. From Mark’s actions he knew he wanted to be ruined. He wanted this quick and dirty. And he could do that, what kind of boyfriend would he be if he couldn’t pleasure his boyfriend? He picked up a fast pace at made him shake and leaned down to kiss Mark. He kissed him sloppy and quick then sat up hooking Mark’s knees over his shoulder. He moaned when that gave him better depth and looked down at Mark with a soft smile. He flashed a quick one handed sign of  _ ‘I love you’ _ .

 

Mark's body really wasn't given a single moment to come down from that orgasm high before Jack was pushing himself in.  He had felt tired for one moment but the second the Irishman started to move Mark's body registered just how over sensitive it still was and it quickly became what he was focused on.   He gasped loudly when Jack's angles changed and his body was suddenly pulsing with wave after wave of pleasure. He saw Jack sign he loved him and had the intent of signing it back but ended up just once again covering his face not even well. One arm was over his eyes the back of his other had resting on his cheek close to his lips as if he had attempted to cover his mouth but got too distracted.  He had definitely gotten hard again and the over sensitive feeling of already cumming and Jack's perfect movement kept Mark's focuses on the pleasure and not actually recognizing that he was in fact moaning rather loudly.

 

Jack wasn't sure how much longer he’d last. Mark was moaning. And it was amazing. Jack loved the sound of Mark's voice. He was willing to bet once he started talking again people would die just to hear him say their name. He was on the edge though, close to cuming and there was no way he’d leave Mark hanging like that. He bent down and sucked  **hard** on a nipple, rolling it between his teeth.

 

Mark somehow managed to hold back of 'oh fuck!'  That flashed through his mind at Jack choosing to go after what Mark considered one of the most sensitive parts of him though unbenounced to him the broken moan he gave did hold a 'k' sound near the end. He was already near his end again and that was with the only attention his dick was getting being the unintentional rubbing against Jack. His hands gripped his own hair the sounds he was making quickly giving away the emotions he was feeling and just how close he was. He was sinking more and more into what he had already considered an overwhelming amount of pleasure before he he just let go completely. What little bit of self control he had tried to keep fell away as his body trembled and buckled, he didn't try and make himself hold on as he came  **and** a loud needing cry of "Seán!" Greeted them both as well as anymore who had to deal with the thin dorm walls.

 

Jack watched Mark writhe under him and then he moaned it was almost a word! He moved faster, body begging for release. He watched through hazy eyes as Mark’s hands tangled in his own hair as he arched. Little breathy sounds left him and Jack was on fire, it poured through his veins with every sound from his boyfriend. Then Mark's body was clenching around Jack's cock and  **Mark said his name** ! Jack came with a wordless curse and collapsed on Mark's chest, his boyfriend’s cum smearing between them. He panted and as soon as he could move again he pulled out and tossed his condom towards the trash. Curling around Mark he whispered little praises and thanks in his hair and kissed his face all over.

 

Mark continued to make small sounds with each panting breath still not completely back to registering the noises we was making that just seemed to give away everything. The only thing was he was he was falling asleep as his body slowly came down from its pleasure rush it just seemed to move right into sleep mode as his eyes quickly started getting heavy and he was out like a light.

 

Jack sighed when Mark just slipped into sleep. Okay so he didn't have to worry about him panicking right now. Good. He relaxed as well and tucked his face into Mark's neck and followed him into sleep.


	34. You know I wanted to, right?

Mark wasn't sure if he had been awake or a sleep when the realization that he had said something hit him. He was definitely awake though when he jolted up violently at the horrified thought any nice cuddling positions against Jack was lost in that second. Mark heard the tired sound of confused protest from Jack his head quickly whipping around in shock to see his boyfriend still there. He actually relaxed a bit at that. Jack was still here and though he clearly just disturbed him he didn't look mad. Mark gave a weak smile as an apology and settled back in to cuddle against Jack. His muscles actually felt a little sore probably since they weren't use to doing that sort of thing anymore but he had no complaints. In fact he was even willing to test the waters of just how alright things were with a small sigh.

 

Jack blinked into consciousness and smiled at Mark. He looked a little spooked but he didn't seem to be having an attack. Jack lifted himself on an elbow to kiss his boyfriend, “Goooood morning.”

 

Mark gave a kiss back and signed out a quick apology for waking them both up and an offering of going out to breakfast in repayment... but showers first, god he needed one.

 

Smiling Jack sat up and stretched, “Would it be a bad idea to shower together? I can keep my hands to myself if you want? Just a nice cuddly shower, we can wash each other’s hair?” He glanced at Mark, “Wait… Repayment for what? You don’t think….” He paused chewing his lip suddenly worried Mark thought he owed Jack for sleeping with him, or worse options. “You know I wanted to sleep with you right? Just because you asked doesn’t mean I didn’t want to. I did.” He knew he was a little louder than usual with Mark but he guess since Mark wasn’t freaking out he had to. Law of their relationship; there must be fear.

 

Mark flushed red ' _ I meant for waking you. I know I'm bad for overthinking things but I'm not that bad am I? _ ' A small pout crossed his face before he glanced away.

 

Jack’s face burned and he looked down at his hands, “Oh. Yeah. I just…. “ he took a deep breath, “That was me over thinking not you. Obviously it wasn't you.” he covered his own mouth and sighed. When he lifted his head he looked shy, “So….. Showers?”

 

Mark nodded slightly before nuzzling Jack's cheek. ' _ Well hey if I ever felt the need to panic on a quiet night you've already killed the kindling. _ ' He signed before gesturing to the bathroom as he moved to get there.

 

Jack blinked slowly, “What? I- that must be an American phrase or something I’ve never heard that.” he followed Mark to the bathroom and shivered a little once the water was running. It started out cold. “Freezy!” He whined with a fake pout.

 

Mark rolled his eyes ' _ It wouldn't have been cold if you gave it a moment to do its thing and heat up.' _

 

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes, “Well we have classes later and we need to eat and get some coffee. Besides cold might be a better choice…” He looked Mark over, and smiled at him, like a cat that got into the cream.

 

Mark scoffed at that ‘ _ you said you’d keep your hands to yourself. I want a relaxing warm shower.’   _ he gave a huff and pouted at Jack. ‘ _ but if you really want I can go make us breakfast and coffee and you can have a cold death shower.’ _

 

Jack dropped the act and laughed. “Death shower? Dude the only thing a cold shower would kill is a boner. Don’t worry I’m good, I’ll behave myself. I was joking. I guess our jokes are rarely jokes though huh?” He mused tilting his head back to get his hair wet and rise his face.

 

‘ _ what no clearly I'm a dick. I'd die in the cold. An I have never made a joke in my life how dare you.’  _ Mark kept a blank face for a moment he started to nudge his boyfriend away from the water grin gracing his face ‘ _ shower hog’ _

 

Jack snorted, “ **Shower hog** ?! How  **dare** you! I took that cold water so you didn't have to! I saved you, dick!” he just couldn't stop joking with Mark. “Now lemme play with your hair- I mean wash your hair.”

 

Mark nodded at that yes that was definitely an idea he could get behind. ‘ _ too bad we’re not bathing I think I'd melt.’  _ He signed though he hoped Jack would just think it would be from the attention and not the slight soreness in his muscles. After all it wasn't bad just something he himself was noticing that he worried Jack might feel guilty over if he knew.

 

Jack ran his fingers through Mark's hair to make sure it was wet before he started to wash his boyfriend’s hair. “Melt? Why's that? And I'm sure if we took a bath we wouldn't get out of the tub in time for class.” 

 

Mark actually gave a soft hum at that. ‘ _ ya cause we’d need to call the fire department because we got ourselves stuck in this tiny thing.’   _ this was nice he actually was feeling comfortable and he quite liked it.

 

Jack snorted, “Oh I thought we would just get distracted and play with bath toys. I have a rubber ducky family. The Jones’s.” he was glad he’d started washing Mark’s hair while they were facing each other, now he got to watch his boyfriend’s face relax. He smiled softly and kissed the tip of Mark’s nose.

 

Mark gave a smile eyes closed just enjoying the feeling of Jack's hands in his hair, it was nice he definitely didn't have any complaints.

 

Once Mark’s hair was clean and rinsed he sighed and kissed Mark gently, “Alright. I’ve gotta get clean now too. I promise I’ll play with your hair more tonight, okay?” 

 

Mark gave another hum in response before pausing a moment to peek his eye open and see if Jack had reacted at all to the sound he made. Because wow... even just that was better than anything he could sign.

 

Jack smiled fondly and handed Mark some body wash, “Come on. You wash up while I wash my hair.” he considered asking Mark to skip class so they could cuddle. But finals were a couple weeks away. And they needed to focus.

  
Mark's heart fluttered at the smile he was really okay. Maybe he wasn't ready to make sounds around friends or out of their dorm yep but this right now with Jack, he felt safe. And what was even better his focus was so on how Jack reacted he didn't focus on himself.


	35. What is this, a race?

The next few days went by smoothly. They didn’t have any more contact that usual, but that was fine. After classes Mark planted himself at his desk and put on his headphones on and set to work on a paper. Jack had his own work to do and set himself up with books and references on his bed. They’d only been working about ten minutes or so when someone knocked. Jack answered the door to find Bob, Wade and Tyler looking antsy. “Umm.. Hey guys. I thought we were gunna focus on finals for a couple week?”

 

Tyler just stared him down, Wade looked just as confused as Jack, Bob smiled, “We’ve got something to ask you two.” Jack let them in and closed the door behind them. Something about this situation made him nervous. “So what’s up?” Bob shook his head, “Get Mark too. We don’t wanna make this an interrogation.” Jack gave them all a narrow eyes look and moved to get Mark. He rested his right hand on Mark’s right shoulder and leaned around so Mark could see him, “Hey.”

 

Mark didn't look up from his work right away choosing instead to give his boyfriend a questioning hum and shifting the headphone off a small bit to hear what heeded to be said. He still felt relaxed and honestly the small sounds were such a time saver when it came to communicating, even if it was something he only did when alone with Jack.

 

Jack smiled at Mark and pushed his headphones off his head and down around his neck, “The guys are here and they wanna talk to us.” 

 

Mark paled slightly they were here right now in this room? He turned slowly trying to appear calm at the unannounced visit before giving a small wave, why would they come over like this?!

 

Jack gripped Mark's shoulder and cleared his throat, “Okay now what’s up guys, we’ve all got shit to do.” Tyler raised his eyebrows, “Fine. Are you two together?” 

 

Mark had relaxed a bit when Jack had touched him, but the last of his nerves didn't leave him till Tyler's question was out there. He felt his lips slowly curved into a smile, had they finally figured it out? Though in true Mark fashion his response was no simple yes or no ' _ Jealous?' _

 

Jack giggled, “Alright, that took you guys forever. Where did you think he got those hickies?” Tyler was smirking at Mark while Bob laughed. Wade raised his eyebrows and said, “Well I just wanna know, Mark you happy?”

 

Mark cheeks tinted pink. ' _ What no why would I be happy with a  _ **_leprechaun_ ** .' The smile and the face he made at Jack made it clear it was a joke he was actually extremely happy and comfortable around the Irishman and in fact a straight 'yes' may have indicated otherwise.

 

Jack’s face was warm as he grinned, “Oh thank goodness! I thought after I tried to kill you the other night you’d be upset with me!” Now their friends looked awkward at witnessing their couply banter. Except Bob, who looked almost proud. Tyler cleared his throat, “Alright well… That was easier than I expected. And we’ve all got shit to do….” 

 

Mark gave a soft nod ‘ _ Hey we weren't keeping it a secret from you… I just really wanted to see how long it would take for you to figure it out. I turned it into a game sorry.’  _ He signed out an apology just in case they thought he had been actively hiding it from them.

 

Tyler shrugged, “We all act couply. So it was a little less obvious than you thought.” Jack shook his head and gestured to Mark’s neck, “Not obvious… Not at all.” Tyler gave Jack a weird look that made him a little uncomfortable. Bob cleared his throat, “Yeah well…. Mark’s really good at gay chicken.” Jack smirked, “So am I.” A long awkward silence followed.

 

‘ _ he's not kidding… I am not reigning champion anymore he's the one to beat.’  _ Mark gave an inaudible huff before smiling. ‘ _ You better get him out of here before we all have to get an earful of how to treat people in a relationship from Mr. Protective Pants.’ _

 

Jack snorted, “Oh no! I'm reigning champ  **again** ?” he dramatically threw his hands up then giggled. Tyler looked like he was going to say something but Bob turned and chased him out of the room. Wade followed and waved good bye. Jack smiled down at Mark, “So….. What did you do to win gay chicken before I stole your crown?”

 

Mark raised an eyebrow. ‘ _ what didn't I do to win? Jealous?’  _ it was hard to tell if the American was joking or not his expression really gave nothing away at all.

Jack rolled his eyes, “Oh you want me to tell you how I won in Ireland? Cuz I think I might make  **you** jealous!”

 

‘ _ you wish me get jealous unlikely you wish!  _ **_You wish.’_ ** Mark's singing and expression now seemed a bit too dramatic for him not to be kidding, which meant he was probably at least a small bit jealous over the fact. 

 

Jack didn't notice the subtle seriousness. “I was at a party with my friends and someone started a game of gay chicken. So, my best friend lost and demanded I avenge him. But that was silly I'd never lost so since I was cool with my sexuality and this guy was cute he got as far as fucking my ass. But I don't think he was gay he just liked a challenge cuz he couldn't look at me. There was this weird group of judges type thing, and they noticed his weirdness and made me the winner. But I was only like half done so…. one of the judges was this cute girl I went to school with. And she thought my ‘performance’ was sexy so she offered to help me get off…. I guess I lost my virginity twice in an hour.” he shrugged and then giggled, “My brother was friends with the guy who couldn't look at me while his dick was in my ass…. He was invited to over a week later…... That was an awkward family dinner.”

 

Mark stammered and nodded along weakly chewing at his lip as he did. Him and his friends really didn't get that far though they had without a doubt passed the friendship level a long time ago.  _ '....I held Tyler's hand for like a week before we started dating?' _ He didn't know what else to say, he wasn't that wild... was Jack going to get bored of him?

 

Jack pressed his palms to his cheeks, “Ohhhhh! God you're so cute! I feel such a perv now.” he remembered instantly that he  **was** a perv. He'd touched himself while Mark innocently slept cuddling him. He blushed guiltily, “You didn't say how you won though. I'm guessing  **not** how I won….”

 

Mark shook his head lightly ‘ _ the one time we went for an ultimate champion everyone chickened out before we got that far. But I was the clear winner apparently a strip tease and crawling into people's laps to make out with them is an  _ **_acceptable_ ** _ place to draw the line even Tyler backed out once I started grinding on him.’ _ He shrugged.

 

Jack bit his lip, “You think I'm a slut now don't you…. I didn't stop at an ‘acceptable’ place. Hell I didn't stop.” he whispered the last part and then cleared his throat. He suddenly felt gross and creepy. He wanted to loudly laugh and brush this off then hide in his bed. Instead he just stepped back and blinked rapidly.

 

Mark quickly shook his head squeaking in a panic.  _ 'No no! I was making a shot at  _ **_them_ ** _ for being weak! Dude I was naked and grinding against Tyler before he tapped out I could have went farther _ .'  He looked panicked did he move Jack took a step back this... this was why signing didn't work...

 

Jack snorted and tried to take a deep breaths. “Wow. I guess we both don't mind crowds, huh?” looking at his socks he cleared his throat quietly and said, “So as much as I'd love to cuddle right now we have papers to do…. I mean…. We have time…. But procrastination is bad, right?”

 

Well Mark wouldn't say he was good with crowds but it was very clear he had no shame with people he was close to.  _ 'I... I want to cuddle but if I don't keep up on my week it's going to get away from me...' _ He started trailing off before rushing over to hug Jack he didn't really want to study right now especially after not only offending him but also hearing about other people he'd been with. He wanted that contact now.

 

Jack made a small sound and held Mark close. He wasn’t sure why he was moody, maybe he was just stressed. “I take it we’re gunna procrastinate?” He didn’t wait for a response before nuzzling his face into Mark’s neck and shoulder.

 

Mark gave a small hum in response as he relaxed against his boyfriend if Jack moved he'd follow but past that he was content with just standing there.

 

Jack sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, “I um… I have something I wanna tell you… But I don’t know how without sounding like the perv that I am.” He held Mark tighter. He didn’t want to see Mark look at him, he just need a second to get his ducks in a row. “I…. Before you asked me out… That one night when you showed me you had the pills… When you were sleeping I couldn’t sneak away. You had a really tight hold on me. I tried to get you to let go or wake up but you wouldn’t and…. I umm… I jerked off thinking about you. I woke up with a boner and it wouldn’t go away and I tried to ignore it but you were so close and you smell good and you sighed on my neck and made a nice low sound and I…. I’m sorry.” He relaxed slightly. If Mark wanted to step away from him and glare at him he could. 

 

Mark hadn't expected to hear that but he kissed the other's forehead before pulling away to sign a response  _ 'I've listened to you jerk off at night it's not the same thing but I'd say I'll take that as being even for now. What do you say?' _

 

Jack’s face burned at that. He remembered a couple nights Mark had been quiet. “O-oh.” he swallowed and shrugged, “Sure. I'll just forget it….” he gestured at nothing and squeaked, “Now what?”

 

_ 'I thought we were supposed to be cuddling or is that not a thing anymore because I've eavesdropped on you and your fiancée and found out you two have been doing it in my bed while I was in it but wasn't even invited to watch? _ ' Mark mused quietly, if he had actually been awake and watching he didn't think he'd know what to do. What was the proper edict to watching your roommate and now boyfriend masturbate? Do you clap and ask for an encore after? Mark didn't think he would be the kind of person who was okay with just watching...

 

Jack held very still and tried to keep breathing. “Did…. Did you want to be invited?” he couldn't process more than that at the moment. It wasn't that the idea turned him on, it was more that he’d never actually had someone watch him masturbate and he wasn't sure he’d look good.

 

' _ I don't think I could keep..'  _ Mark paused for a moment thinking of the right word  _ ' _ **_Me,_ ** _ I don't think I could keep  _ **_me_ ** _ to myself. I'd want to touch or help in someway if I was actually watching you especially if you knew I was watching.'  _ he blushed slightly he would have wanted to help Jack when he heard him but he had been too shy to actually tell the other male he was awake.

 

Jack giggled and relaxed a little, “Alright well I can tell you right now that neither me nor my fiancée would mind that.” Okay so now he was a little more interested in the idea.

 

' _ I'll keep that in mind next time I catch you'  _ Mark gave a soft hum before moving back close to Jack as if to say that  **now** it was cuddle time.

 

Jack hummed and closed his eyes hugging Mark. “I’d suggest we move to a bed but that might not end in cuddles. Who knows-” he leaned back and held up his right hand, “My fiancée has a mind of her own. I've woken up to find her on me.”

 

Mark raised an eyebrow before moving away to move to a bed and sign back to the Irishman ' _ Not if my hand ends up there first.' _

 

Jack felt a wave of heat sweep across him at the look Mark gave him. A strangled noise left him and he giggled, “Is that a challenge? Do our hands need to race to my dick? If one gets there first is it a team effort or a winner take all?” he didn't know which would be better.

 

Mark made it look like he was thinking long and hard about it before give a simple ' _ Winner chooses.  But I think that means there should be some rules in place don't you? After all what's stopping you from just grabbing right now? I'm not even in hands reach.... Unless of course you were thinking for later and wanted to work on our school work?' _

 

Jack paused, “Oh….. Yeah…. School. We can do this once we get in bed, right? And what kind of rules did you want?” he was going to have to do homework now…. 

 

‘ _ I don’t know give me a moment to think this out… No going right for the goal… we touch a trail down your body. Hands leave the skin they restart… bonus points for how hard you are when the winner gets there?’  _ Mark was actually rather proud of himself for how much he managed to think up in the spur of the moment it was almost like a real game, though he didn’t think anyone else would really want to play with them.. Hell maybe the rules sucked and Jack didn’t even want to play...

 

Jack shivered, his voice was weirdly high when he responded. “Oh fuck. Dude now I have to do homework?” he shook his head and let out a long breath, “Alright. I can handle that.” he got back on his bed and smiled at Mark.

  
Mark nodded lightly  _ 'okay... I'll hold you to that _ .' He glanced at his homework before slowly making his way over it suddenly seemed like it was so much worse than before was this even something he could finish? He sat down and slowly put his headphones back on he had to try ....right?


	36. You want me to give up Pineapple?

Finals came and went and though Mark had done his best he did know he had put more attention on Jack then he actually did his school work and though the exams were now done, there was a new task at hand. Mark had thought about it long and hard and he thought maybe this time he was ready to start the Idea Jack had brought up a while ago now. Actually trying to say words.. He wouldn’t say he was perfectly ready for it or that he was now willing to accept he didn’t sound like a monster, but he didn’t hold that same level of anxiety that had haunted him for so long over the matter. He was willing to try and get the words out even if he didn’t want to hear them himself.

 

Jack was so glad finals were over. He really didn’t like that every class had to give their big stressful test at the same time. Who thought of that? The one part that wasn’t bad was Mark. He seemed to need Jack more when he was stressed, which was nice because Jack sort of felt the same. He would be stressed or worried and Mark would be right there. It was nice. He didn’t ever want to not have Mark right there. He  **really** didn’t want to think about if he had to move back to Ireland. But it still came to mind. But he’d find a reason to stay, he’d find one or make one. He’d noticed Mark sitting and thinking a lot and wondered what he was plotting, he wouldn’t ask yet though. He wanted to see if Mark would tell him on his own.

 

The American didn't move right away even after he had decided to tell Jack he wanted to try talking again he still took another hour of sitting there silently going over questions Jack might ask and how to go about answering them it was more just to buy himself time tell himself he had it all figured out when really he didn't even know if it would work. Slowly he finally moved to get Jack's attention or more accurately he opened his mouth to try and say something. He got as far as making a ‘shh’ sound before he had to stop, no it didn't work if he had to listen to his own painful attempt...

 

Jack heard Mark start to  **say** something and looked up, eyes wide and hopeful. He smiled at Mark who looked annoyed with himself and waited. If Mark was trying to  **talk** this was probably a big subject.

 

Mark just shook his head no that was a stupid idea why did he even try that he was half tempted to put his finger to his lips to make it seem like he just wanted quiet in the room but Jack didn't deserve that everything had already been so quiet. Instead he just backed out of the matter entirely ' _ I'm going to go shower.' _ He signed before quickly fleeing the area.

 

Jack frowned, reaching for his watch he set an alarm on it, 20 minutes then he was going in there. He had to do it once when Mark was freaking out about finals, but since then he’d been good about not staying in the shower too long.

 

Mark sat himself at the bottom of the tub and took in a breath he needed to relax stay calm so what if he sounded terribly he saw the look in Jack's eyes when he realised he had tried to say something it was hopeful... if Jack could be happy to hear something from him why couldn't he be? Mark had no intention of letting time get away from him but he was quick to get lost in an internal war against himself and before long 20 minutes had past and all he had managed to accomplish was making his eyes burn from trying to hold himself back from crying over this whole matter. He hated that even with his anxiety now better in check he still had a problem with accepting himself wanting to speak.

 

Jack made a face when the timer went off. He got up and marched into the bathroom. He turned off the water and sat next to the tub. With anyone one else he would have stared them down, but Mark hated that. So he stared at the wall, “Mark.”   
  


Mark heard his name and squeezed his eyes closed he felt cold now as he realized the water was off and slowly moved himself to lean against where Jack was hoping the Irishman had some body heat he could leach off of now.

 

Jack sighed and pulled Mark close, the edge of the bathtub was between them but they could still hug. “Mark, whatever it is you can tell me. What is it babe, are you pregnant?”

 

Mark gave a weak laugh at that and nodding before he moved to nuzzle Jack's jaw and relaxed. He should get out of the tub dry off and talk to Jack about this but he didn't feel ready anymore maybe later he could work up to it surprise Jack he'd be happy about it right...?

 

Jack smiled and help Mark to his feet, “Come on.” He wrapped a towel around him and sighed, “You know you can tell me anything, right?” he really hoped Mark knew that by now.

 

The American nodded slowly of course he knew it was just hard sometimes when he needed to convince himself things were alright. ‘ _ I'm alright I just got lost in thought you know me always plotting.’  _ He signed slowly. ‘ _ what do you want for dinner?’ _

 

Jack sighed, “Pineapple pizza. And this time please don't put your dick on it okay?” he was only a little frustrated. Every time he thought Mark was comfortable talking to him he’d prove he still wasn't. Not really. At least not as comfortable as they both wanted him to be.

 

‘ _ what no no no. No trash pizza that  _ **_you_ ** _ put your dick in. Not me.’  _ Mark stuck out his tongue more meaning it as jokes then anything else though he wasn't the biggest fan of pineapple pizzas.

 

Jack gasped in mock offense, “How dare you! You may be carrying my child but I can never love a man who doesn't eat pineapple pizza! Also pineapple makes you taste good….” he giggled.

 

‘ _ That is a myth, and it’s okay I never said it was your baby it’s your hand’s the one that hates pineapple and tried to kill your wife.’  _ Mark hummed as he made his way to the computer to order the pizzas for them.

 

Jack fell over dramatically, “Oh no! My life is over! Gaaaaah! Also it's not a myth. I'll prove it!” he smiled and stood up. 

 

‘ _ how do you plan on proving it doing shots of Jizz from five people who like pineapple and five who don't?’ _ Mark raised an eyebrow clearly sassing him.

 

Jack paused, “Oh my idea was to just stop eating pineapple for a while and see how you like my taste.” he shrugged and flopped on his bed.

  
  
Mark hummed ‘ _ good I like that idea better. So what kind of pizza you want then?’  _


	37. Are you actually going to do this?

Mark had stayed on campus for the summer when asked he said he needed a heads start on his work for next year though part of him had just been scared Jack would forget about him. It wasn't like Mark could just call him up and any time on Skype would have had to have Jack focusing solely on him which didn't seem all too entertaining. So here they sat once more headphones on as Mark stared off into space instead of actually studying. He was lost in the familiar galaxy of what ifs and am I readys. He took in a shaky breath it shouldn't be this hard he knew what he wanted to do he had done it before, all his requirements were there. Jack was the only one here the headphones canceled out most sound. He knew what he wanted to say it was just a matter of getting it out there. He fidgeted around picking at his lip and chewing on the side of his finger. He thought of something to say then shortened it making the thing he wanted to say shorter and shorter before the American determined he couldn't handle more than one word.

 

“....S-Seán…”

 

His voice broke more from nerves than anything else the situation seemed so much scarier to know no outside forces were here spurring him on. He could vaguely making out the sound he was making vibrating against his eardrums but it was so distorted it was hard to go off of. He released another shaky breath telling himself to relax he said what he needed to say before hesitantly glancing up to see Jack's reaction.

 

Jack looked up and smiled. “Mark.” he wasn't sure why Mark had decided to talk but he knew better than say or do more than he already had. He wanted to watch Mark's face instead he watched Mark's hands.

 

He squirmed awkwardly not really hearing what Jack had said though he thought he had a fairly good idea. ‘ _ I think I'm ready to try your idea now… did I do it right?’  _ he signed slowly eyes trained on his own hands as well specifically the small reddening spot on his finger that was irritated from chewing on it. He forgot if he didn't look at Jack or remove his headphones he couldn't hear his boyfriend and just sat there in what he thought was awkward silence of he did it wrong.

 

Jack hummed when he realized Mark couldn’t hear him, “I love you. And your voice is part of you. And it’s not bad, it just unused so it sounds a little strange. But it’s still a nice voice.” Mark was still looking at his own hands. Jack sighed and got up, he moved Mark’s hand out of his lap and took their place. Lifting Mark’s chin he kissed him. Once he pulled back he smiled and pressed his chest to Mark’s, it would make it easier to hear his voice, through the vibrations. “You sound lovely.”

 

Mark stared at Jack his chest felt tight he was torn between not believing what his boyfriend had just said and wanting to cave and attempt a ‘thank you’ There was just something in the way Jack said things like this that made he want to believe him. Perhaps it was all the compliments he had been receiving throughout his time with the other male but fighting against it really wasn't his first thought anymore. 

 

Jack raised his eyebrows, “I know you don’t believe me but have I ever lied to you?” He smiled as he waited for Mark’s response, leaning back so he could sign if he needed to.

 

Mark hesitated he knew the answer to be no but that didn't stop part of him from wanting to reject the idea. “....th--...” he paused and frowned before looking down and away from Jack before once more trying the small rough sounding words of “Thank you…..”

 

Jack smiled and cupped Mark’s face in his hands, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones, “No thank  **you** . Thank you for trying. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for being the best person I know. I love you.” He kept his little ramble as short as he could but he still worried it would be too much for Mark right now.

 

The American just shook his head lightly and leaned his head against Jack he was done with words for today and his cheeks were now tinged red from the praise and compliments. He was ready for things to wind down and just stay close and relax.

 

Jack smiled and kissed the top of Mark’s head, “Wanna play a game? We could hook up the PS2 or go for a walk? We could go to that animal shelter and play with the cuties? Or we could cuddle? Is this too many questions? I know you love questions.” He giggled. 

 

Mark still wasn't a great fan of questions but right now he guessed he didn't mind ‘ _ Puppies.  Hands down let's go to the shelter.’  _  He signed once he got himself into a position with a better line of sight for Jack.

 

Jack smiled and got off Mark’s lap. On the walk to the shelter Jack sighed, “You know…. If there’s something important you wanna tell me, or just say, you can write a note, or make a video of you signing. Whatever. Just…. If communicating directly to me is a struggle you can use some kind of buffer…” he didn’t like watching Mark struggle and stress over talking to him. It was both stressful because he hated seeing Mark uncomfortable and stressful because he was the reason Mark was freaking out most of the time.

 

‘ _ I don't have that much trouble do I?’  _ Mark slowed down he hadn't really thought about it but he guessed it was right he did didn't he… ‘ _... if I was taking videos of anything it would be me speaking I could just cut it together you be full sentences.’ _

 

Jack blinked, “Oh. You're actually going to try that?” he was surprised. Mark was going to record himself talking?

 

‘ _ you wanted me too… Why wouldn't I try?’  _ Mark chewed at his lip was that a bad idea… he would have to hear himself to edit… unless he gave them to Jack to work out what he was trying to say like a puzzle.

 

Jack made a face, “Just cuz I want you to do something doesn't mean you have to do it.”  he shook his head, “I'm not saying don't. I'm saying do what works for you.”

 

‘ _ what works for me is trying to get better to talk to you… it's just… scary sometimes... ‘  _ He gave a weak smile trying to say that it was still something he was really okay with trying.

  
Jack smiled and took Mark’s hand, “Love you.”


	38. Did you really think I was going to answer the phone?

Summer passed slowly and though Mark was doing all he could to get himself comfortable talking he hadn't actually shown Jack anything. He did his best to get out a few words here and there and had even tried to call his mom once to at least say Hi but it didn't pan out well and he still was skittish when he did try.  But the 'failures' were really only from a public end. The American had been recording himself speaking like he said he would. They were rough and cruelly chopped to try and for coherent sentences some jumped topics as Mark had paused for so long he forgot what he was saying but they were there and really and waiting to be seen. In the span of a month Mark had managed to make fifty videos all of which he wanted to show. That's probably how he came to the conclusion that if he put them all on something like YouTube he could then he could just send everyone he loved to that account which is what he did. He sent everyone he could think of the link seconds before going to Jack and quietly saying his name.

 

Jack knew Mark was recording himself speaking. He’d gotten better at saying a word or two to him every now and then. Generally he’d say “Seán” or one word that fit the situation. But still. His voice got a little bit smoother, less rough as the days passed. He fucking loved hearing Mark say his name, really he did. He was thinking about the fact that out of all the things Mark had said to him his name was the one he heard most, when he heard it again. He looked up from the blog he was reading, “What’s up, Markimoo?”

 

‘ _ I have something I want to show you.’  _ Mark chewed at his lip he was nervous Jack was the only person he was physically showing

 

Jack blinked slowly, “Please tell me you didn't buy a puppy.” they’d talked about a dog, but they couldn't have it on campus…. 

 

‘ _ well maybe I bought a house so I can can get ten dogs?’  _ Mark gave an uneasy smile that said he was making jokes to calm himself.  ‘ _ but… No I have a website I want you to see… its a YouTube page actually…’ _

 

Jack raised his eyebrows and grinned, “Oh you have no idea how much i want that to be true.” then Mark continued and he wasn't sure how to respond. “Really? Can…. Can I see it?”

 

Mark raised an eyebrow at that ‘ _ no I was just telling you to rub it in your face that there is a cool YouTube channel you're missing out on.’ _

 

Jack gasped and then fake howled in sadness. “Nooooo! I'm not on trend!!!”

 

Mark smiled weakly at that “you'll--…” he hesitated was this worth saying what if Jack actually hated it… What if everyone hated it? What if everyone else thought it was spam and deleted it?

 

Jack smiled gently and waited. Sometimes there was a long pause between words.

 

Mark chewed at his lip when he realized Jack was waiting on him. “y-you’ll like it….” he squeaked out less sure of himself then a moment ago.

 

Jack smiled, “Alright. Do you have a link for me?”

 

He nodded hesitantly before slowly handing Jack a paper with the address on it and shuffling away back to his side of the room and sitting on the bed hugging his knees and staring at the other male waiting for his reactions to what he would find.

 

Jack moved to his computer and searched the link. When the channel came up he paused, “Do you want me to put on headphones?”

 

He gave a slow nod he had painstakingly listened to each and every train wreck posted on that channel to edit them all he really didn't need to hear them now.

 

Slipping the headphones on and picking the first video Jack was nearly shaking with anticipation as it loaded. What did Mark say in it? What did he talk about? 

 

The first video was a mess of cut scenes crudely pasted together it was very clear that Mark had been uncomfortable when filming it and after about half way through the clip cut back into the black haired male holding himself at a completely different composer one where he had clearly been crying and his words  then sounding more weak and forced then before. But the message had been there a thank you for pushing him for not giving up and staying with him. It could have been directed at anyone it was probably directed at everyone but the words rung truer in Mark's head at least when he thought of Jack and he hoped the Irishman would see it as that as well.

 

Jack thought he might cry. Mark was speaking. Mark was speaking and posting it on youtube. He turned and smiled at Mark and gestured ‘come ere’ when Mark didn't move he said, “Mark pull up a chair and sit with me. Please.” 

 

He looked anxious but eventually complied shuffling over to Jack though he was now refusing to actually look anywhere near Jack's face. His heart was racing why would Jack want him over here right now?

 

Jack pulled Mark into his lap and hugged him close, he rubbed his back and kissed his chest. Glancing up at Mark through his eyelashes he smiled, “I'm so proud of you. You're amazing.”

 

Mark gave a soft grumble he didn't feel that way if anything he just felt like he was going to squish his boyfriend to death though didn't make a move to leave now that he had that closeness.

 

Mark's discomfort was noticeable but Jack smiled at him and grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers sweetly as he listened to Mark's video. He clicked onto the next and nuzzled into his boyfriend's chest. 

 

Mark shifted a bit if he was going to murder Jack he might as well be comfortable while doing it. He sighed quietly and closed his eyes. The videos weren't long but there were lots of them.   
  
Most of the other videos were random topics Mark was using to test out the words he had went so long without trying.  He started seeming more comfortable around the fifteenth video.

 

Jack watched every video on the channel and hugged Mark smiling the whole time. “Thank you.”

 

Mark had relaxed a fair bit since he first started cuddling Jack but he had to worry that Jack's smile wasn't actually because he was happy or proud. What if it was because he had thought Mark's attempt had been laughable? He nodded weakly when Jack finally spoke.

 

Jack grinned up at Mark and removed his headphones, “Have you told anyone else yet? Have you shown the guys?” he asked squeezing Mark with a hum.

 

Mark nodded slightly before glancing to see if anyone had managed get as far as Jack had in these videos.

 

Jack saw the video had five views and considered it. “Bob, Wade, Tyler, your mom and dad?” 

 

Mark winced slightly before he shook his head one of those views was Jack for starters so ether people hadn't seen his post or didn't care enough to watch them all.

 

Jack frowned at Mark's wince, “You okay? What’d I say?” he couldn't tell if he was worrying or sad.

 

Mark nodded silently he.. he really hadn't told Jack much about himself had he… he should do that, or was it too late now?

 

Jack wasn’t sure if he wanted to cling to Mark or not. Should he press him for answers or leave him alone? He sat quietly with Mark on his lap staring at the middle of his chest wondering what he’d said.

 

Mark chewed at his lip harshly before leaning back slightly ‘ _ brother it would have been my mom brother and Dee…. And Bob Wade and Tyler..’ _

 

Jack frowned, “Are… Are you not close with your dad? Who’s Dee?” He asked before he could think asking might not be such a good idea.

 

‘ _ No I was extremely close to him. Dee was his second wife…..He's dead.’   _ Mark almost didn't mention that but figured he had to start telling Jack more.

 

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath, yeah he’d kinda fucked up asking that. He looked up and Mark and smiled weakly, “Oh. I umm… Saying sorry at things like this always makes me feel like a dick. Because then they feel obligated to say it’s okay. So I’ll just- Do you wanna cuddle? You don’t have to tell me anything, we can just cuddle.”

 

Mark leaned back into cuddling against his boyfriend he really didn't blame Jack for not knowing or asking questions he really should have answered almost a year ago so he just gave a soft hum hoping that would suffice to say it was all fine.

 

Jack rubbed Mark’s back and tucked his face against Mark’s chest. He didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. 

 

“...Bed.” Mark's voice cracked slightly just from the awkwardly quiet tone he used and nudged his boyfriend who he was actually surprised hadn't kicked him off for squishing him yet.

 

Jack nodded and waited for Mark to stand up so he could too. He would have liked to just scoop Mark up and carry him to bed but he really wasn’t that strong. 

 

Mark slowly crawled off and made his way to Jack's bed to curl up and get comfortable before Jack could lay down. ‘ _ we need a bigger bed…’’ _

 

Jack hummed, “Yeah and a house with a dog and a  **real** kitchen.” he snuggled up to Mark, face to face. Something about laying face to face and breathing the same air made him dizzy, but he liked it.

 

Mark had to prop himself up though away from the closeness ‘ _ why don't we then? We all pay for dorms anyways why don't we just pool our money together and get a house? You me Bob Wade and Tyler. We could probably get a nice four bedroom house…. And a dog.’ _

 

Grinning at Mark, Jack considered that. It could actually work, they all just needed a bit more income to support their new need for vehicles. There was only two cars in their group, and they might need another, possibly a van or something they could all fit in at once. So they’d have to find a place with room for two or more vehicles. He sighed, “That sounds really really nice. Let’s tell the guys our plan later okay? Let’s have a nap.” He jumped in surprise when his and Mark’s phones started wailing.

 

Mark winced why was his phone going off he never spoke… oh… he sent everyone the link… the American buried against his boyfriend nope he was not going to answer that!

 

Jack reached into his backpack and pulled out his phone. Tyler. He sighed and hit answer and put the call on speaker so Mark could hear. “Hey, Ty. What’s up?” Tyler didn’t even say hi back, “Did you see Mark’s link to his youtube channel? If you didn’t you have to. It’s-” Jack cut him off, “I watched them all. I had Mark in my lap while I watched. We’re on speaker by the way.”

Mark made no move to make his presence known and frowned lightly at Jack saying he was there. What if Tyler had hated it and was going to laugh and now that he knew he was there suddenly he was going to say he was proud or some lie?!

 

Jack made a face, “Don't look at me like that.” Tyler cleared his throat, “Mark stop glaring at Jack. And I know what you're thinking but you're wrong. This is great. And I'm happy you made it this far.” 

 

He grumbled quietly in response ‘ _ you don't know what I'm thinking _ ’ Mark signed to Jack since that was way too much to attempt to say to anyone let alone two people at once. It was up to Jack now to choose if he was going to translate that over to Tyler or not.

 

Jack repeated Mark's sass verbally and he could almost  **hear** Tyler roll his eyes. “Did he look annoyed and worried?” Jack sighed, “Yep.” Tyler responded with an “Uhuh.”

 

‘ _ traitor’   _ Mark huffed and buried against Jack if they wanted to talk fine. “hou--” he squeezed his eyes shut no that was dumb…

 

There was a long pause from the other end of the line. “What did he say?” Jack chewed his lip, “He was talking into my shirt. And not signing. And he seems to be done trying to communicate.” Tyler hummed in understanding. 

 

Mark frowned, his shirt really? Did Jack just not remember the conversation about the house or did he really not like the idea in the first place and had just been humoring him?

 

Jack looked down at the top of Mark's head, “He doesn't seem to wanna explain either. Hey! He had an idea! We should all move into a house together!” Tyler responded with an “Oooh cool!”

 

Mark peeked up quietly, oh… he didn't listen and jumped to conclusions again… he sighed and cuddled close, closing his eyes as he listened to the two talk things over.

 

Tyler had plenty of ideas about their future home, and Jack agreed with most of them. Jack pointed out how they’d need another car and Tyler approved. Jack mention Mark should get a dog and Tyler hummed, “A rescue?” Jack nudged Mark so he’d remove his face from Jack's chest and put in his two cents, “Would you get a rescue?” 

 

Mark nodded his head slowly though he never really thought of it would a rescue be a good fit? He head stories about rescues being wonderful for convicts and abuse victims but he was neither of those things what if the dog got antsy with how antsy Mark was and kept barking and scaring him? Or refused to listen to someone who wasn't comfortable being vocal?

 

Jack hummed, “He says yeah. I'm thinking a mellow dog who wasn't abused who just wants to hang out.” they continued talking about dogs for a while, then he yawned, “Okay I'm gunna have to call it a night. See you tomorrow, Ty.” Tyler wished them both sweet dreams and hug up. Jack kissed the top of Mark’s head, “Wanna get our PJ's on and go to sleep?”

 

Mark adjusted slightly before pretending to be asleep he really didn't care what he was in at all he was comfortable and close to who he loved that was good enough for him.

 

Jack sighed, “What do you have against PJ's?” then he closed his eyes and pulled the blankets up over them.


	39. Is this what they call a happy ending?

Once the new school year started things got hectic new school years meant bigger workloads. Workloads that quickly got out of hand as Mark tried to juggle helping get a house and continuing to improve his talking. Mark was stuck at a crossroad by the time the group of friends were handed the keys to their new home. Did he want to struggle and freak out as he attempted to catch up to all the work he had fallen behind in or did he want to continue putting his effort into improving his speech.

 

In the end he decided school was something he could always come back to but right now what he really needed was to continue working on himself. He already had a YouTube account going he could monetize the videos and try and do some let's plays, something that he could trick himself into talking through that wouldn't be solely focused on him.

The plan also consisted of another factor what he was going to do while everyone was in classes. He planned to record while everyone was gone but then what? The final plan was that he would care for the house everyone was working hard and he was going to drop out it was the least he could do to make up for that failure even if he hadn't told them yet...

 

It was a new start though a new beginning and despite the stress and changes that were happening he was ready to face it and knew he was far from alone through it all.

  
  


Jack wasn’t upset or surprised when Mark decided to drop out of college. In fact the guys weren’t either. Jack  _ was  _ surprised that he would choose to focus on filming himself speaking. That wasn’t bad or anything it was just unexpected. He suggested if Mark was going to be playing games maybe he shouldn’t have a facecam right away. Just to test the waters. 

 

Jack made sure to finish his schooling before jokingly and shyly following Mark into the field of YouTube Gaming. They collabed a bit but tried to keep their relationship a secret for a while. People still knew. They weren’t quiet about it once they figured it out. Screaming from the rooftops about “Septiplier” they eventually annoyed Jack into admitting that yes, they were a couple. 

 

Two months after they got the house Jack took Mark to a shelter to find a dog. Mark was in love with every pup he saw but Jack reminded him he’d have to look after whatever he adopted and they had to pay for an adoption. Eventually Mark settled on an adorable white golden retriever. He named her Chica and dotted on her to the point that everyone agreed he was her Father. 

 

Over the years they settled into a routine. It was nice. It was comforting. Bob moved out and got married, as did Wade. Tyler said he had to stay and make sure neither of them hurt themselves being idiots. But one morning Jack woke up and realized Mark was his favorite person and he never wanted to be apart from him.

 

So then came the problem of how to propose to his boyfriend. He knew that Mark loved him just as much as he did otherwise they wouldn’t put up with each other or stay together this long. But should he be sappy? Subtle? Just hand it to him? He wasn’t sure. Mark wasn’t as shy anymore. On camera or at home he was loud and proud and... A touch full of himself if only in a joking way. He was still uncomfortable and anxious outside the house or with strangers. He couldn’t go MeetUps or conventions,  **way** too many people. But he was still the calm and sweet and silly, guy Jack fell in love with.

 

Jack was fiddling with the little box he’d kept hidden for a month now when Mark draped himself over Jack’s shoulder and took the box. “What’s this?” He opened it before Jack could answer and hummed softly. “What pretty lady is getting this?” Jack sighed, “A pretty lady who takes shit outta people’s hand and asks questions then doesn’t wait for an answer.” he snarked. Mark looked at him out of the corner of his eye and silently put the ring on. He kissed Jack’s cheek and sauntered away. Jack sat in front of his computer grinning. Tyler could be heard screaming with joy in the other room and Jack laughed. He’d had his camera and mic recording, because he was going to vlog and just happened to catch that.. He wasn’t going to post it…. Unless Mark was cool with it. 

 

Jack was fucking gleeful. Whatever came next they weren’t going to be alone for it, not that they actually had been before but it was different now. Not a whole lot different, but enough. 

  
  



	40. NOT A CHAPTER

Hey. It's CJ. 

 

_***Angry Section!*** _

So... I know none of you meant to be rude but you kinda were.

Azzie worked reall hard on this and hit a lot of roadblocks along the way until she wanted to delete this.

And all you guys can say about the ending is that you're disapointed?

No.  ** _I'm_** disapointed.

Azzie is a new writer, she hasn't even been writing a year! Cut the lady some slack will ya?

I've been writing for 15 years now. I'm used to critizing comments and people being 'disapointed' in my work.

But still, if a writer makes an ending or a plot twist you don't like? Say it nicely!

Say "Hey I dunno if you're in love with this Plot Thing, but I thought it would be cool if this happened. Or what if this happened?"

Be nice! Not "I am disapointed. I like everything but this. I expected better."

No! Rude! Shush! 

Azzie originally wanted this to be very much shorter than it currently is and probably no one shots/ slice of life things. 

Because this was stressing her out. 

Also I added to the ending to try and make you guys relax.

There might be more if you are good and give us time.

Okay I'm done ranting unless someone wants to start shit.

 

 

***Not Angry Section***

On a calmer note. If you have an idea for a One shot slice of life thing let us know in a comment. 


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